To think it's not normal to find life as difficult as I do?

[5hg8t]

I'm in my late 20s and have always just struggled in life. I've written a journal since I was around 20 and have been going through it this weekend and it's made me realise how much I have always, and still, struggle with quite basic things in life. I really don't think it's normal? Unless everyone else is putting on a huge front and struggling underneath a facade? Things like:

• Always struggling with social settings. At university I would sit alone in lectures and seminars as I couldn't initiate conversations and would feel annoying/like a burden to everyone. I would arrive to lab classes and stand alone as I had no one to pair/group up with. I still do this now at work; I won't sit with colleagues in our office unless they invite me to sit with them, and will go off for lunch on my own if I'm not explicitly invited to join everyone else to go to the canteen with them. I skip team socials as I feel like I don't belong
• Constant existential crises on whether I'm on the right path. I felt so uncomfortable in different workplaces/courses and would feel like I wasn't in the 'right' place for me, I feel like I expect there to be some 'perfect' career where I will finally feel comfortable and not on the edge of crisis after crisis. I'm now retraining and feeling like I've made a mistake, but I've had that 'mistake' feeling in every other job
• Poor attendance. I feel like I go through crisis after crisis and burn myself out and then end up needing to take time off to recover
• Can't drive as I worry about making a mistake, cried when I failed my first driving test, cried when I took my first driving lesson and stalled so switched to automatic. I'll ruminate every time I do drive and analyse everything I did 'wrong' (all minor things every driver does).

Is this normal? 'Just' anxiety? Neurodivergance? CPTSD?

I take anxiety medication

Do you work? social life? hobbies? friends?

yes it does sound like my son in terms of the inability to focus. and he was diagnosed as having ADHD

No advice I'm afraid but sounds very tiring.

I feel very differently - I assume I'm invited to socials / lunch, actively love my job (so minimal time off) and don't worry unduly.

It sounds like the anxiety covers a lot of things that are may be holding you back.

Sorry to hear this OP 🌺 it sounds like you anre feeling very anxious and are lacking in confidence a bit.

Would some therapy or counselling help? That might help you with digging into why you feel the way you do and coming up with some strategies to help you cope with it. That might help you with feeling a bit freer and more relaxed about the things you mention here.

I really do sympathise with you - sending you
support and best wishes.

I felt like this and it turned out it was undiagnosed ADHD.

Actually, my problems were different, but that general feeling of other people mysteriously just doing things with seemingly no effort when it left me exhausted and struggling to keep up and never feeling right in my workplace did turn out to be a neurodivergent thing.

How are you with stimulus? Lights, sounds, multiple people talking at once? Have you looked at the symptoms of ASD in adult women?

I wondered why my life felt like it was on permanent "hard mode". Turned out it was undiagnosed ASD.

Yeah I'd say ADHD possibly auDHD. Look into some videos from people who weren't diagnosed till adulthood. See if their experiences feel familiar.

No, it's not normal. May be try to get some help with it.

You sound exactly like me. I'm 99% sure I'm autistic, but I'm 52 now so it doesn't seem worth initiating the diagnosis process (plus I don't know if I have the energy to even go to my GP about it).

You sound like you could do with seeing a therapist. Find one who advertises as neurodivergent friendly. And take it from there.

Could "just" be anxiety stemming from no where in particular, or an event in childhood or from being neurodivergent.

The way you write about it is similar to lots of the threads I see on ND groups. I never realised how different I felt until my child was diagnosed. And we did a parenting toolkit course. At which point I found out lots of the things I do and ways I think are not the same as the vast majority of people. I eventually went for assessment and was also diagnosed as ND.

Christine McGuinness has been involved in a couple of interesting TV programmes on the topic. The last one I saw I watched whilst crying as I identified with some of the issues / challenges she talks about.

For example: writing a script for an event and imagiining it in detail. I hate phone calls and if I must make one I am not adverse to writing a script beforehand. But then can be easily thrown if they don't respond as expected!!!

And yes. Many social interactions leave me confused or lonely.

Best of luck with what you decide to do. My diagnosis in later life has been amazing. It hasn't changed anything really but just learning more about myself, the challenges and the benefits of being "different" means I'm less hard on myself, more accepting and more forgiving of myself and others. It has been life changing in subtle ways.

Right now I'm retraining so I'm at university. I don't really have any hobbies, any downtime I get I usually end up struggling with motivation and spending the day in my PJs feeling too lazy to even brush my teeth or make a meal. I've been like this for my entire life, so it's not just a period of depression.

I have a few friends that I see every now again, but no solid group of friends. I usually regret making plans to see friends anyway, as when the time comes around I would rather stay home or go out alone.

Autism runs in my family, and I go through phases were I'm 100% convinced I'm autistic and other times I don't think I am. I don't struggle with sensory things, although I find it impossible to concentrate in offices or libraries due to too many people talking in the background (I end up being unable to stop listening to their conversations instead of working). I like going to busy, crowded places, love going to busy cities and concerts etc. I don't have any special interests or repetitive behaviours. I feel like I have good social skills when someone initiates the conversation, I don't struggle with eye contact or maintaining a conversation if I'm in the right kind of mood.

I'm very shy and quiet, low self-esteem.

I've been doing some research and feel like there's elements on ASD and ADHD that resonate but neither seems like the perfect match.

Like with ASD, I have no sensory sensitivities at all. I also don't have a long-term special interests. I'll get short bursts of being interested in something that will feel all-consuming for around a week and then I'll get bored and drop them. I also don't think I really have any repetitive behaviours? I fidget with things when I'm bored but I don't have one particular behaviour/fidgeting that I do repetitively?

For ADHD, I'm not chatty and don't struggle with not interrupting others. I've always been quiet and shy, almost becoming mute in some situations. I'm not forgetful or late at all, but I think it's because I have a strong sense of anxiety driving me that prevents that. I'll immediately put events and reminders in my calendar, will set 2 alarm clocks in the morning and have a pretty rigid morning routine that I've timed down to the minute to stop me being late. I never lose things, but then I have a place for everything which I stick to religiously. I do procrastinate though, which I've only recently realised as I've always thought of myself as a perfectionist type A person, but I would struggle to concentrate and focus until it was right before a deadline then I would work all day and night until the work was done. Then I'd go into this apathetic, unmotivated state after and then rinse and repeat like a vicious cycle. I'm currently in the apathetic and unmotivated state after working day and night most of last week to meet a deadline on Friday.

My family is very neurodivergent and I absolutely think that is what could be going on for you.

I've been like this for my entire life, so it's not just a period of depression.

Please don’t rule depression out just for this reason. That lack of motivation and inertia is a big pointer to depression. But I also agree with others that it would be worth investigating neurodivergence, remembering that it often presents differently in women, and seeing a therapist.

I was dx with inattentive ADHD and once I was medicated a lot more autistic traits came to the fore. I only just score above threshold but have just asked for a referral as it would explain a lot .

I always felt like it was because my family was dysfunctional and I had to do everything myself without being taught by a loving mum but after the age of 40 that doesn't really make sense anymore and I've just accepted my brain is different.

Constant existential crises on whether I'm on the right path. I felt so uncomfortable in different workplaces/courses and would feel like I wasn't in the 'right' place for me, I feel like I expect there to be some 'perfect' career where I will finally feel comfortable and not on the edge of crisis after crisis. I'm now retraining and feeling like I've made a mistake, but I've had that 'mistake' feeling in every other job

I strongly identify with this. I could have written quite a lot of your post tbh.

Just coming back to this thread to check in, OP ❤️ how are you doing at the moment?

I also just wanted to offer some general thoughts, in the hope it’s helpful. I know you wrote in your OP that you’re at uni and retraining, so it may be that you’re not currently looking for work.

In case you are looking for work though, I’d like to recommend the Civil Service as a potential employer you might consider. I’m a current civil servant and, although I’m not neurodivergent (as far as I know), I’ve found them to be very welcoming and supportive of neurodivergent people. They’re also a huge organisation that offer loads of different opportunities in cities in around the U.K. Please feel free to PM me any time if you’d like to have a chat about the CS.

Wishing you all the best 🌺🌺

It sounds like you're on the spectrum.

Lolit, I’m not sure of your intentions, so will assume your comment is well meant, but I still can’t really see how it is helpful or constructive.

You’re responding to an anonymous poster who has only given some details of their life and things they find challenging, yet you’ve given a pretty definitive-sounding response, communicated very bluntly, that isn’t backed up with any evidence. How is that going to be of any help to the OP?

The OP would probably benefit from practical advice given with compassion and kindness by a qualified healthcare professional. That might look like going for some counselling sessions or looking into getting an autism/ADHD assessment, or both those things. This will give the OP some answers and, hopefully, some support.

Your post does neither of those things. The main thing it is likely to achieve is either to have given the OP false hope (as you’ve offered an answer) or upset them (as perhaps it’s not the answer they want).

I am on the spectrum too, which is why I recognised myself in op's post and responded saying that it sounds like she is on the spectrum.

One of the ways being autistic manifests itself for me is that I just say things directly and consicely, like I did in my comment. To a lot of us on the spectrum, that kind of responses ARE helpful and constructive.

@SpursFan2 why on earth did you pick on @lolit? Several posters have suggested neurodivergence. None of them know the OP either.

I’m sorry, Funny - and Lolit. I realise it was wrong of me to do. I took issue with Lolit’s post as I felt it was blunt and rude, and it didn’t seem very constructive. Thanks very much Lolit for your update - it’s helpful and I appreciate it. I’m really sorry for how I jumped on you in my post.

I’m sorry, Lolit. I shouldn’t have reacted to your post as I did. Thank you for your update here - it’s helpful. I hope I haven’t upset or offended you with my post - I was quite harsh. I’m sorry.

It sounds possibly like neurodivergence to me but I’m not trained to diagnose. I do have many years of experience working with autistic and AuDHD girls and women. It’s very common for neurodivergent women to be prescribed anti-anxiety and antidepressant medication. I can signpost you to some resources if that would help.You sound very unhappy. Is there anything that brings you joy?