If you weren't masking...

[Poffytop]

... what would you do differently?

I've started fantasising about not having to mask so much. I think I mask to try to fit in, but I still don't quite fit in and then just feel exhausted trying so making it a waste of time. I'm not brave enough to just stop though.

I'd love to go to a party or networking event and sit in a corner sipping a drink and just watch (instead of trying to make conversation).

I’d wear shorts & crocs everywhere, have a hood up and sunglasses on and sing aloud all the time

I would scream at all my colleagues to " shut the fuck up !!!!!!!"

I would ask all the questions that people see as rude

I wear sunglasses all the time but I'd probably sing aloud whilst out and about with my headphones on instead of singing in my head. I'd also ask all the rude questions and tell people what I think instead of being polite. I don't manage to mask it all so I do get judged as rude and told things are none of my business. I'm just honest and curious 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’d walk out of every situation that I found boring as soon as it became boring, and wouldn’t even attend any that didn’t meet my interests.
Would wear shorts all the time.
Wouldn't paste my permanent fake smile on in social/work situations.

Also eat my food in colour/texture/‘whatever rule I apply
to that food’ order. For example, with a vegetable soup at alone I will eat all of the carrots, then the peas, then potato, etc and it takes ages.

I have started to practise not masking. It’s because I want to be a role model for the younger generation especially since I have a teen daughter with the same adhd diagnosis. I tell everyone I have adhd because adhd is under diagnosed in people born as females (so says NICE guidelines).
I tell them what it’s like to have adhd and I encourage my daughter to tell people what she needs to be happy. I have been shocked at the other people who have shared their secret adhd diagnosis as if they were embarrassed.
all neuro diverse brains have challenges but we also have skills that come with being neuro diverse. For adhd it’s excellent problem solving abilities. I like being able to solve problems and I am proud that I am good at it.
If you want to go to a party and people watch just tell your friends you find social situations over whelming and get sensory issues but enjoy participating quietly. You might find others feel the same. If your friends can’t accept that might be time to go looking for some who will because they are out there

I'd tell someone to stop wanging on about politics and stop talking over everyone else in the meeting.

I probably would never leave my bed, let alone my house.

(I already do the sunglasses and headphone permanently on if I do!)

I'd tell everyone to speak really slowly and cut people off by telling them that their problems can be solved if they'd just do xyz...
I'd also allow myself to stare into space for long periods with a blank expression.

I would tell anyone who was trying to give me verbal directions to send me an E-mail or write it down for me.

ADHD
I never bothered to mask
As a consequence - all my life I've been told I'm eccentric

I'd be saying random phrases, seemingly unrelated to anything (but of relevance to my train if thought) all day long. I do this when I'm alone but have learned to mask it in company, although my husband is used to it by now.

I'd also hide a lot more often than I do. It was awful working in a large office that had lots of good hiding places which I couldn't use.

I spend a lot of effort pretending to be social for the benefit of my kids. I try really hard to be friendly with other mums. I smile at them at the school gate and say hello. I take my DC to birthday parties and I attempt to make conversation while they play. Occasionally I make a super effort and invite someone for coffee. Because I want my kid to be friends with their kid, not because I have any interest in having coffee with them. I volunteered to help with the dance class Christmas party and I’m dreading it - I only offered because I want brownie points so my daughter can get in the good books and get opportunities at the dance class.

I would love to just blank everyone and keep myself to myself - not trying, not smiling, just ignoring everyone. Ideally I just want to be left alone; people are horrible. Half of the time I can’t even be bothered with my own family.

@ittakes2 Can I ask if you work and how your disclosure has gone down? I have disclosed to my boss but I would really like to be more open about my ADHD (partly impulsivity, because it's hard not to blurt it out, and partly I find it hard to 'keep secrets' generally).

I have a professional job though and worry it might raise more than a few eyebrows!

Flat out refuse to do the pointless “How are you?” “Good, how are you?” “Good” ritual every time I want to talk to someone.

I would never feel pressured into shaking hands again.

I’d stim and wriggle as much as I like instead of holding it in and then going “oh shit” before running off to do it in private.

I’d leave conversations that are awkward, boring or uncomfortable.

I would ask a lot more questions about what people mean when they say things or why things are being done the way they are, and I wouldn’t feel bad if people mock me because to them it’s ‘obvious’.

I’d leave my face as it is (stony, RBF) instead of telling myself, “okay I need to smile now… oh they said something sad so quickly frown!… now I need to nod and say mmm…”.

I would wear clothes that don’t irritate me.

I’d insist on aggravating noises being stopped or leave the situation.

I’d tell people I just don’t want to do something instead of telling a white lie then feeling guilty for lying.

I wouldn't make eye contact when I'm talking but I'd stare right into there eyes when they are talking. I'd mess with my earring. I'd probs monologue at first then ask lots of questions.

My echolalia would be far worse. I'd beep back at cars and bark back at dogs.
I'd also not stop to 'chat' to people that I know when I see them in the street. I dread it.

I’d make a 4 ft hoop to wear so that people can’t invade my personal space. I’d walk away from colleagues the minute they bored me.

Having to talk to people, be it neighbours or people I don’t know. I hate it. I can’t be bothered with it, especially when it’s someone I’m not particularly keen on.
I just want distance from them.
I much prefer my dogs and spending time with them.

Flat out refuse to do the below nonsense in an email. I’d just write what needs to be be said.

Hi XX,
How are you? I hope you are keeping well

I’d tell people they are wrong and why, every time they are being wrong.

@DCwow I tried that and got reprimanded for being rude 😂

I would stop forcing eye contact and I'd never touch people again - no hugs, no handshakes.

I would correct people. I spent my entire childhood being told I was rude for correcting people so I don't do it but the urge is overwhelming.

No small-talk. Ever. If I have to stand next to you, please learn to enjoy the silence.

I would walk straight past people without acknowledging them. Neighbours, colleagues, people I sort-of know. I'm sick of lurking in my car until my neighbour goes back inside because I don't want to chat.

I would wear stretchy clothes everywhere. I mean, I already do when I'm just running errands but I would go to work/out for dinner/to family gatherings wearing leggings, a giant t-shirt, a comfy sports bra and a hoody. I'm so sick of being able to feel my clothes.

However, I started a new job a few weeks ago and, for the first time ever, I disclosed prior to the interview. I have my own office and my boss understands why I'm always sitting in the dark like the Phantom of the Opera, complaining that the air conditioner is making a noise