Being told to control my autistic traits

[AlternativelyWired]

I was told today that my truthfulness and lack of diplomacy should be controlled and that I am just using autism as an excuse to annoy or upset people. For a similar example telling someone you can't smoke in a restaurant and them insisting you can. Er, no. The rules don't apply to them. But I am unreasonable and hurtful to tell them they can't. They say autism is a disability you can control and it's nothing like a physical disability that can't be controlled. Said person flounced off as didn't like being told they were doing something against the law. I'm very strict about following rules and laws and being honest and find it very difficult when others are t the same. They break rules for the sake of it to try and look cool 🙄 but how fucking date they say to control it 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬

You didn't say you didn't like it.
You said : "What the actual fuck is that?"
Very strong reaction. As if there was something wrong with it. Which there isn't.

I hear this a lot. Sadly even on ADHD groups where some people seem to have internalised ableism. Comments like this tend to centre around behaviours that are unacceptable or inconvenient for others. Which leads to thinking that it's ok for you to be ND as long as it doesn't affect anyone else!

When I challenge these statements I have been similarly told that there's a difference between conditions like ADHD and autism and physical disabilities. Yes I agree that behaviours can sometimes be masked. But this is often at great expense to the ND person who can end up exhausted and overwhelmed. But as I point out if our behaviours could just be turned on and off at will, they'd be personality traits or simply learned behaviours, not neurodevelopmental disorders that need a diagnosis and accommodations/treatment.

It's very frustrating that others, especially family seem to fail to understand but at the same time I can also see why it's difficult for others to comprehend my ADHD in particular. To NTs many of the behaviours must sound ridiculous and I don't think they can comprehend why you just can't "try harder". Me "trying harder" has led to me running on stress which has led to me developing physical chronic illness so but hey yes my behaviours are of course simply because I don't try hard enough. What do I know.

I think NT people need to be more accommodating.
I was brought up with a severely autistic brother and trust me, these social rules do not exist amongst groups of autistic people, yet we knock along just fine. None of us would have asked 'how are you' without expecting an honest answer, for example.
The advice I'd give to a struggling autistic person is to seek out other autistic people and not to feel forced to mask in front of NT people. If a person thinks you are weird for not following the arbitrary rules of NT social niceties then they are not worth talking to imo.

Excellent post

I see we have been infiltrated again.

As usual 🙄

WTF is an ASD? A struggling ASD?

Oh come on. I am allowed to not like it and find something wrong with it and react strongly to it.

Are you just here to argue and wind people up?

^ it's a good example of me not conforming though, isn't it? You think I should not react as I did, and had no problem telling me so. I'm not going to change my reaction to a book title to suit anyone.

Watching someone break the rules is infuriating for someone with autism. So she speaks out. The person - who is breaking the rules - snaps back. Why? Because the neurotypical social norms say it's ok to break a minor rule, everyone turn a blind eye, a few tuts are ok but never interfere in someone's "personal business" even tho society accepts no smoking in a restaurant is a rule. That's what being ND means - that we don't "fit" in society, that we have to adapt control and minimise who we are so that NTs can crack on living in their world unchallenged.*

This. I'm autistic, and I reported the post yesterday too.

It's horrendous to struggle with knowing something is against the rules, yet having enough knowledge of NT social norms to realise that you will be severely ostracised if you "blow the whistle". I can't tell you how many times I have been in that situation. It hasn't been good for my social life OR my career. In the surface I can mask very well, but find it exhausting. I don't "look" Autistic, apparently... the NTs seem to think that is a compliment.

No answers for you, OP , but here's a handhold. Virtual only of course - I don't like to be touched by strangers

Is that a no...?

Yeah, that figures, another invisible disability that gets the "just try harder not to be....."
And "Everybody gets a little bit tired/ other symptoms and works through it...."

I think it is only a few visible disabilities that get some understanding as a lot of people lack imagination about others lives.