Anyone with ADHD also have the following traits?

[Diagnosticdigressions]

I'm waiting to be assessed for ADHD so haven't got a formal diagnosis but will be v surprised if I don't meet the threshold. In the meantime though a few other things are coming to the surface - partly because I've done some reading around neurodiversity and acknowledged a bunch of stuff that is 'normal for me' but is probably ND behaviour and partly because I'm observing wider family, across the generations, and seeing some patterns.

I'd be really interested to know if those of you who've been diagnosed or are seeking diagnosis for ADHD can also relate to the following:

• real discomfort around loud / troubling noises (hand dryers, people chewing, fire alarms, noisy tube lines, screaming kids)


• clothing issues e.g. trouble with anything tight round the neck


• difficulty with socialising in a group - I'm fine on a one-to-one basis i.e. having a proper conversation with one or two friends but have realised that I really struggle with group settings where the rules of engagement aren't clear e.g. school playgrounds where you aren't sure who to talk to first or how long to make conversation for or how to end conversations or move between different conversations.


• overwhelm in busy spaces like supermarkets or department stores. The latter always make me really sleepy because I find them too much.


• a feeling of never fitting in anywhere (this has lessened in recent years as I've started to find my tribe but I felt it very strongly in my teens, 20s and 30s).

I can see that some of these traits are typically associated with ASD but all the questionnaires I've looked at also have a bunch of stuff about not understanding jokes or being able to read people's facial expressions or being obsessed with numbers and not liking fiction / imaginative play - none of which apply to me. So, I'm wondering if maybe all the bullet points above are common features of ADHD - can anyone relate?

Interesting question.

I definitely don't have ASD. I've been tested and scored extremely low, though funnily most of my closest friends are ASD, so is DH and I find ASD people far easier to get on with than most NT people.

I have ADD (no H) and some similar issues to yours. Not all loud noises bother me, but I absolutely can't cope with radio on in background if someone is trying to talk to me. Feels like my brain will explode. Also hate the screech of tube trains, children crying, but not bothered at all by hand dryers or people eating noisily.

I can't bear labels in clothes. They have to be cut out or I can't concentrate on anything. I have really good quality clothes with labels chopped out and unpicked because even the leftover bits sewn into the seam drive me nuts.

I get total overwhelm in shops. Never realised this was a thing. I used to go our Christmas shopping and come back empty handed year after year because the lights and music and need to navigate so many things i didn't want to find the things I did just made me want to fall asleep - just as you describe. Online shopping is a godsend to me. I rarely go to the shops now.

The never fitting in/social group stuff I sometimes find hard but it gets a lot easier as I get older and tbh, I've always assumed most people feel like that. I tended to move in very specific interest tribes all my life, so that makes it easier, but a non interest-specific crowd alarms me. I'm already dreading a friend's party because it's full of people I have nothing in common with and i just can't face three hours asking where they are going on holiday.

It's really common for people with ADHD to have auditory processing issues and also some sensory issues in terms of touch / clothing etc. Ties with an ADHD diagnosis really well.

Thanks so much for posting, both. It's really interesting to read your responses.
@linerforlife - I did not know that
@VintageGibbon - yes to online shopping! Shops just totally paralyse me one way or another. It's a v good point re special interest groups - that is me all over though I do worry a lot afterwards about having talked to much or dominated the conversation because I find I have so much I want to get out!

@VintageGibbon also really interested that you get on well with ASD folk, I'm the same and strongly suspect my DH would meet the threshold for diagnosis but don't think he'd ever look into it

I have all those things. Was diagnosed with ADHD first then ASD followed, years later once I’d got to know my dr well and he recommended it. It can presently differently in women (differently from person to person obviously, but women are more likely to deviate from textbook stereotypes)

The “not understanding jokes” , “lack of empathy/reading facial expressions” are not true, in my opinion. Not just from my own experience but from the autistic people I’ve met and spent a lot of time with.

Re humour : my experience is that autistic people are amongst the funniest people I’ve met, sometimes accidentally funny but also with a very quick dry sense of humour and a real sense of the absurd. Maybe I think that because I am neurodivergent myself though so it’s just easier. I think I can spot other ND women very easily, even when they aren’t yet diagnosed, and we just click easily. Someone else who overshares and makes jokes at inappropriate times is usually one of my kind 😁

I have hyper-empathy and always have done, as does my ASD DC. Am also crap with numbers but love fiction and read obsessively as a child.

Misunderstanding social rules and hierarchies is definitely something I do struggle with though, I don’t think that part is a myth! As is answering a question with an honest answer, then seeing the person’s face and realising “Oh, they didn’t want me to be honest there”. Might get there on that one eventually 🙈

I have ADD and most of those are spot on. I notice they've gotten worse with age. When I was in my teens/20s, things like clothing texture and noise never seemed to bother me much. However now (late 30s) I can't even bear a few seconds with a label or slightly scratchy fabric. Same for background noise. If DH puts the TV in the background and there's constant "junk noise" with news reports, adverts, explosions, shouting or screaming then my brain feels like it's about to explode.

DH also has ADHD (possibly ASD) and he reacts massively to indoor shopping spaces. Department stores in particular...he literally gets a meltdown and needs to go outside after a minute. It's always been a "quirk" (every holiday he waits for me outside while shopping) but all the pieces fit perfectly after I realised he wasn't NT. Ironically, I love shopping malls and supermarkets but I think it's related to the sensory seeking aspect of ADHD. I love looking at visual colours/product/packaging and also the unpredictable excitement of finding something to buy. It puts me into a feeling of hyperfocus and I find examining new products very relaxing and exciting at the same time. So I actively seek out shops but realised that's definitely my stimming aspect of ADD.

I also have no problems reading emotions or social cues (whereas DH does) but I greatly dislike social situations. As you mentioned smaller groups are slightly easier to deal with but larger groups tend to go on for longer and I need to mask for longer which is exhausting. However this has gotten better over the years as there's less need for socialising. I find I can handle the 5-10 times we go out every year compared to virtually every day when you're in uni.

Having things around your neck is definitely a sensory issue for me! I hate turtlenecks (and this was also true since childhood) and I also can't wear scarves or necklaces for long periods. I dislike all types of jewellery and also the feeling of long nails. However I can tolerate all of those in advance if I know the situation requires it, i.e. it's like a part of masking. I can easily do a full day in makeup and accessories if I know that's socially beneficial but I simply have to take everything off at the earliest possible moment once home.

Re: jokes though - I don’t find lots of things funny that other people do (slapstick humour or scripted ‘jokes’ for example). Because they are not funny to me. Not because I don’t understand humour though, maybe just not that type.

@Magnoliafail thanks so much for sharing your experiences. It's really interesting that the ASD diagnosis took so much longer and required a proper rapport with your doctor. The mainstream diagnostic process does feel a bit one-size-fits-all from what I've seen so far, even sitting in on DD's ADHD diagnosis, it was all a bit simplistic and didn't involve much probing to see what is going on beneath the surface.

Re humour, I'd say I have a very good sense of humour - DH and I laugh a lot - but it's very dry and dark at times. I actually don't much like watching comedy because I'm not into slapstick / predictable punchlines and the idea of trying to force myself to laugh at something I don't find funny makes my teeth itch. As I said, a lot of the ASD questionnaires ask questions about struggling to form relationships whereas I have really good, close friendships but I think a lot of that is down to having a penchant for quite intense, honest conversations. I find I can't really relate to the chick flick stereotype of female friendships, mine don't look like that at all but I do get to know people really well and for strong bonds with them.

@PlayDohDots can relate to a lot of what you say re TV noise, TV and radio playing at the same time kills me!! DM will often have the TV blaring in the background when she's talking to me, which drives me nuts too. And I have to turn the sound down for ads.

Thanks again folks for posting

@PlayDohDots also that feeling of exhaustion you describe after socialising in a large group for any period of time is v v familiar

@Diagnosticdigressions - The forcing yourself to laugh at something you don’t find funny… I was almost 30 when I realised that people do fake laughs (how I missed this, I have absolutely no idea).

I was watching my ex-DH interact with someone in a small talk kind of way. I realised as I was watching him when he laughed, and when he got back into the car I asked him about it, and said “you laughed then, but you didn’t find that funny did you?”.

He said no, but that it is polite to laugh when someone makes a joke, even if you don’t find it genuinely funny. That makes sense but I hadn’t realised and had never laughed to be polite.

I then tried to teach myself a fake social laugh but have never quite managed it and can only do an odd chuckle thing instead 😂

I think I mask brilliantly, but still really struggle with that and sometimes miss a beat so that there is a silence. Then I realise that the person just made a little joke and I just stared at them because I didn’t find it funny, but it is already too late to backtrack so then it’s awkward.

Or, I make what is very obviously a joke (obvious to me anyway) but with a straight face, then later realise the person thought I was serious and it is too late to turn back so somehow have to just keep going with the conversation even though they just think I said something really weird.

Much easier to stay at home 🙈

My mother has ADHD but definitely isn’t autistic (I’m both).She always felt like she didn’t understand people and why they acted the way they did.

I find ADHD women can have immense struggles with social situations. It all makes sense when you think about how they can struggle to regulate their emotions, are sensitive to rejection, struggle to listen, act on impulse etc

Noise, clothing and big group socialising are definitely things my son with ADHD struggles with.

he also has bouts of OCD type behaviour. It varies as to what it is.

What you describe is sensory defensiveness, which is often correlated with ADHD and ASD, that's why it shows up in questionnaires for both.

I recommend the book too fast, too bright, too loud too tight

Really helpful insights, folks - thank you

@BertieBotts I will look up that book, thank you

Yes, definitely.

Misophonia for certain noises - chewing being the worst.

How I feel about crowds and lots of noise very much depends on my frame of mind and general health at the time. If I'm tired or stressed, I find them very stressful. Although even when I've been happy in a noisy crowded place I've noticed always taken time to decompress in quiet when I get home.

I've gone through bad periods with my mental health, not unusual for those of us diagnosed with adhd in adulthood, and if going through a bad time with anxiety, I find even the tv can be intrusive.

I like classical music or nature sounds to unwind to, especially if I'm in the car or a city where there isn't as much peace and quiet.

Dislike shopping and hate supermarkets, I either get a delivery or go to late night ones. I seek out nature regularly to keep me feeling good.

I became comfortable with often feeling like the odd one out years ago, it's who I am and I'm happy with that. I have lots of friends and a lot of close friends and these tend to be people with who I feel I fit in. I'm great at close, intimate relationships and have had to put in place lots of new boundaries over the last few years to stop me pouring all my care and empathy into people who just drain them. I tend to find people open up to me a lot, even complete strangers who I met just a minute or two before.

And yes - always hate tight things around my neck!

"I have lots of friends and a lot of close friends and these tend to be people with who I feel I fit in. I'm great at close, intimate relationships and have had to put in place lots of new boundaries over the last few years to stop me pouring all my care and empathy into people who just drain them. I tend to find people open up to me a lot, even complete strangers who I met just a minute or two before."

@Kat1953 I could have written this!

But I do find I get super excited during conversations with likeminded people and then panic afterwards about having over overshared / dominated / interrupted and that the post-social anxiety can be a killer

a feeling of never fitting in anywhere (this has lessened in recent years as I've started to find my tribe but I felt it very strongly in my teens, 20s and 30s).

I suspect I have ADD and this has become so much worse as I've got older, maybe cos of being a SAHM and now trailing spouse - wasn't so bad in teens and early 20s, but now mid thirties and aside from my family I barely have anybody, and feel like anyone new I meet rumbles what a freak I am in about 10 mins. How did you find new people as you got older? I feel like the older I get the more they disappear.

Yes but im also autistic too. I def think my adhd is more disabling than my autism though.
I suspect you might not be familiar with current knowledge about autistic presentation in women

Hi OP, I was recently diagnosed with ASD and I can relate to all the things you listed. I suspect I may also have ADHD but I think there is a lot of crossover between different neurodiverse conditions. It's also quite common, I understand, that they are combined.

Yes, I'm sure that's true @Branleuse but as I say all the questionnaires I find online seem to focus heavily on what I had thought to be quite outdated stereotypes. But I'm v new to the subject so pretty clueless all in all - would welcome any suggestions on sources of up-to-date information. When were you diagnosed with autism if you don't mind me asking? and did the ADHD diagnosis come at the same time? And why do you find the latter more disabling? Apologies for all the questions

@Apricote sorry to hear that you are feeling that way. As mentioned upthread, I think groups based around specific interests could be a good place to start because they give a focus for discussions (about a thing you are already interested in) rather than relying on general chitchat. Could that be an option? FWIW, I have been a trailing spouse for a time and it definitely compounded the ADHD symptoms - was also freelance, working alone etc and the lack of structure and feeling of rootlessness was not helpful

I can related to all of those points and have ADHD. I also hate wearing things around my wrists and won’t wear rings.

I often wonder whether I might have ASD as well. Can anyone please point me to any resources that explain how ADHD and ASD overlap? Or how you can distinguish between them?

@VallarMorghulis right, yes. I have read that, which is partly why I was asking. A friend's daughter was diagnosed late in her teens with ASD (and is now being assessed for ADHD) and struggles in ways that are very familiar to me but do not at all meet the autism stereotype.

If you're looking for resources, have a look at the How to ADHD YouTube channel https://youtube.com/c/HowtoADHD , she has a lot of interesting content in mercifully short videos

I'm not diagnosed but seeking a diagnosis.

real discomfort around loud / troubling noises (hand dryers, people chewing, fire alarms, noisy tube lines, screaming kids)

Sometimes, but not always. Usually it's people talking loudly on the train. I put headphones on and listen to white noise.

clothing issues e.g. trouble with anything tight round the neck

Yes!!! Definitely fuss a lot with my clothing.

difficulty with socialising in a group - I'm fine on a one-to-one basis i.e. having a proper conversation with one or two friends but have realised that I really struggle with group settings where the rules of engagement aren't clear e.g. school playgrounds where you aren't sure who to talk to first or how long to make conversation for or how to end conversations or move between different conversations.

This one describes me to a T. I can be bubbly and chatty and if I'm in a lift with someone for example I can make conversation. But put me in a group - even with people I'm friendly with - and I'm just sit there silently because I'm not quite sure when my turn to speak is. Or I just feel like I don't fit in with what they're saying or have different opinions etc.

overwhelm in busy spaces like supermarkets or department stores. The latter always make me really sleepy because I find them too much.

Supermarkets I'm ok with. But super busy places I hate and avoid.

a feeling of never fitting in anywhere (this has lessened in recent years as I've started to find my tribe but I felt it very strongly in my teens, 20s and 30s).

This is me one million percent. I hope I find my tribe somebody.