Bless you @PeacefulPrune, you have so much self-awareness, and it is easy to tell from just a few short posts that you are a wonderful, thoughtful and caring Mum. Which to me translates to you having those same attributes running through every fibre of your being. I don't believe that to one person we can be one thing, but to another something totally different.
Although humans are very complex beings, I think in some ways we are also very simple beings. I would not like to question here the merits for or against being a "deep" thinker, or even the possibilities and reasons why some people may (or may appear to) be much deeper thinkers than others, because that can lead to a very big can of very wriggly worms.
However, the longer one spends in the company of others - and usually that is very much dependant on how old someone is for obvious reasons - the more likely we are to draw our own conclusions. Although I have some family experience of Neurodiversity, I am no-where near experienced enough, or educated enough, to draw any safe conclusions. All I can say with hopefully minimal chances of offending someone on Mumsnet, is that the more we try to delve into our own psyches, the more we question things, then to me it seems quite likely that we are going to come up with more questions, more concerns, more fears, more situational unhappiness even?
So, personally I suspect if I could stop questioning everything, stop trying to understand what makes me tick, what makes my loved ones tick, what makes people the likes of Boris Johnson, Putin and Trump tick, and what, if anything, can be done to stop both my own micro concerns, and the worlds macro ones, maybe I could be a happier person? Maybe I could be weaned off anti-depressants, and then maybe I could go along and experience life in a much happier fashion, maybe I could trust life not to keep throwing curve balls in my way? Maybe I could be happy, except for those times when circumstance really does throw cluster bombs, or spikey viruses at my feet - our feet.
Maybe you could be the same PeacefulPrune? The thought of a break, a rest, from the constant mental striving, sounds idyllic, wonderful, but would life eventually also lose some of it's lustre, would we really recognise the things that do make us very happy when they do happen, or would they, if we haven't put the ground work in first, by practically forcing ourselves to participate in life, not come along at all?
Can we have everything? My life experiences suggest to me that no we can't, and I suppose that if I was given the choice here and now (or probably more appropriately for me at my age, to go back 30 odd years) whether to live in happy, but probably boring ignorance, or to suffer the lows, the heartbreaks, the depression, but to also possibly have the chance to experience joy and ( even possibly absurd) happiness? I think that I have to acknowledge that I have to accept that I have the personality that seems to have to cross question all thoughts, all possibilities, all dangers a situation might throw up, and also recognise that if I want a certain result, if I desire a certain outcome, I will have to put in enough effort to give it a chance.
I think, indeed I hope, that I would choose the more difficult route, in the hope of satisfaction and happiness for both myself and those that depend on me - but sometimes when I am so tired, so dispirited, I fear that I would choose the route of least resistance. I would settle for a life of predictable boredom, but also of peace and rest. Even thinking about it my mind is shouting at me "NO", I must think of my Children, my Grandchildren, without the doubt, the risks, the exhaustion, they would probably have never been born, and that is not a route I would wish for either them or me.
Do you know what you would choose Peaceful, do you want to know, maybe is it even safe to know? One thing I can almost guarantee you Peaceful, is that the intensity of exhaustion, depression, fear, does lessen. I don't think that our human minds and bodies can survive on constant full alert, medication and or talking therapy can help, especially when it is really bad, and there should be no fear or shame in seeking that extra help when and if needed.
If you have got this far in my meanderings then you are more stoical than you probably realise, and I am pretty sure already, from your previous posts here, that you will choose the harder but IMO, far more rewarding route, just please don't try to do it all on your own. I wish that I could at least promise you that I will always be here if you want a chat, or to vent, but of course, I can't. My health isn't great, I am getting on in age, I don't even know if you would want me as a sounding board - especially after tonight's offering, but for as long as Mumsnet continues, there should be someone who will listen to you, and care about what you are going through. I care about you and your dear Child OP, probably more than I should as a stranger on the Internet, but you have somehow got under my protective armour, and you are of course welcome to talk to me while I am still here x