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Neurodiverse Mumsnetters

Use this forum to discuss neurodiverse parenting.

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Original poster

Do you repeat stories you have already told people?

39 replies

ofwarren · 20/02/2022 00:20

Disclaimer
This is the neurodiverse mumsnetters board so I'm directing my question to ND people.

I'm quite often told by my dh that I've already told him certain stories. For example, we will be talking about something we did as children and I will mention some anecdote about what I did and he will say "I know, you've already told me this story".

I also know that I've already told him the story but I want to tell him again and get annoyed when he stops me to say he's already heard it.

My mum who I think is also autistic does the same. Whenever a certain food is mentioned, she starts telling us how she doesn't like that food but in certain circumstances she will eat it. I must have heard the story 100 times.

Do you do this?

OP posts:
BoardLikeAMirror · 20/02/2022 00:26

Oh, gosh, yes, all the time!

I've also been known to say 'I heard of someone who once did so-and-so (cue lengthy anecdote)' only to discover I'm repeating someone's own anecdote back to them Blush.

Original poster
ofwarren · 20/02/2022 00:45

@BoardLikeAMirror

Oh, gosh, yes, all the time!

I've also been known to say 'I heard of someone who once did so-and-so (cue lengthy anecdote)' only to discover I'm repeating someone's own anecdote back to them Blush.

Oh no Grin
I've not done that one yet Grin

OP posts:
crackofdoom · 20/02/2022 00:48

All the sodding time. Also repeat myself loads- I usually say things to people twice. It's like , to me, that they haven't heard it if they don't clearly acknowledge it the first time.

LovedayCL · 20/02/2022 00:48

Yes I do. I don’t know why and sort of hate myself afterwards.

Stripperyone · 20/02/2022 01:17

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

EmmaH2022 · 20/02/2022 01:27

I don’t have an official diagnosis
I feel the urge to do this but I don’t do it because it would be so annoying for the listener
I do ask mum if she is listening because she often doesn’t seem like she is. She likes to keep her face neutral as she thinks it stops wrinkles. It is like talking to someone who has botoxed any signs of movement from their face.

I repeat stories in my head, if that makes sense.

Nortd · 20/02/2022 01:44

Always,, dh is autistic too and it feels like the Truman Show at times as we just tell each other the same stories to each other all the time Grin

Original poster
ofwarren · 20/02/2022 08:04

@Stripperyone

I'm not neurodiverse and I do this I think it is inevitable as we age,not even getting old I just mean oldER. I used to be careful not to until I noticed that everyone else did!

It's not an age thing. I've done it all my life.

OP posts:
watchtheglitterdustswirl · 20/02/2022 08:50

@LovedayCL

Yes I do. I don’t know why and sort of hate myself afterwards.
Me too!

I think it's quite a common ND thing, @ofwarren .

duvetdayforeveryone · 20/02/2022 08:53

Yes. My DH does it too.

BarrowInFurnessRailwayStation · 20/02/2022 09:14

I try not to as dh does it and it gets on my nerves. He says it's because he only has a certain store of stories 🤦‍♀️

Original poster
ofwarren · 20/02/2022 09:28

It's almost as though when I'm having a conversation, I'm talking to then like I would talk in my head, so the thing we are talking about triggers a memory and I share it.
I assume it triggers the same type of thing in NTs brains but they don't say it.
Conversations don't come naturally to me, so when it's my turn to speak and I share my thoughts, it's generally the association that's in my head that I say.

I bet that's why we seem to relate all topics back to ourselves. NTs hate that. They will say something like "I've got a really bad back" and I'll say "I get that too as I have sciatica". To me, I'm showing empathy by sharing my understanding but they seem to get annoyed and think we make everything about ourselves.

OP posts:
80sMum · 20/02/2022 09:35

My DH (undiagnosed) always does that. He tells me - and everyone else - the same stories over and over. Sometimes I've tried telling him "yes, you've told us that before" but he gets very offended and defensive and says something like "OK, so you've made it clear that you're not interested in anything that I say!"

Does anyone else feel that way when they're reminded that they are repeatedly telling the same story?

Does anyone have any advice as to how I could let DH know without causing offence or upsetting him? Or is it best just not to mention it?

MaggieMooh · 20/02/2022 10:22

I do repeat stories myself but I don’t think it’s a ND thing. Everyone has heard their parents and grandparents tell the same stories loads of times.

BoardLikeAMirror · 20/02/2022 10:28

@80sMum

My DH (undiagnosed) always does that. He tells me - and everyone else - the same stories over and over. Sometimes I've tried telling him "yes, you've told us that before" but he gets very offended and defensive and says something like "OK, so you've made it clear that you're not interested in anything that I say!"

Does anyone else feel that way when they're reminded that they are repeatedly telling the same story?

Does anyone have any advice as to how I could let DH know without causing offence or upsetting him? Or is it best just not to mention it?

I feel embarrassed rather than offended when I discover I've done this.

Is it best just not to mention it? Could you ask your DH what he would prefer? It's not something that happens deliberately so it isn't a behaviour that can really be changed, it's more a question of how the individual would prefer it to be managed.

crackofdoom · 20/02/2022 11:19

80smum I too feel a wave of anger and humiliation whenever I'm corrected or told I'm wrong doing something. I know it's not a helpful trait, so I try hard to correct it.

Re: the repetition, I 'm terrible with instructions, or plans for the day. "OK, so we're going swimming so we need towels and costumes in a bag and we'll park on the seafront and leave at about 3.45 and go and get a few bits from Sainsbury's and then home. Cat food! Washing up liquid!" repeated 4 or 5 times in various combinations. It's like saying it out loud anchors it in my brain. Luckily these monologues are usually directed at the DC, who need telling 4 or 5 times anyway (and are still likely to express surprise that we're not going straight home after swimming) 😆

deeplyrooted · 20/02/2022 11:22

I do this (mostly to my poor dc) and in my experience so do a lot of people. I quite like listening to “same old stories” - it’s a bit like re-reading a book, or listening closely to the lyrics of a song you like.

Sometimes I find it hard to tune in to what people are saying (even when I want to) because my mind wanders if I’ve caught the gist of it but they keep going for 3 or 4 more sentences. And so much of what people say is so predictable.

So I can’t really justify why I like familiar stories when logically they should make me tune out.

Clarice99 · 20/02/2022 11:54

I repeat stories. My DH tells me that he's heard it before and I'm fine with that. Saves me going through the whole thing again!

@80sMum

Does anyone have any advice as to how I could let DH know without causing offence or upsetting him? Or is it best just not to mention it?

Ask him. Everyone is different. Even this thread demonstrates differences. You can't know until you ask.

MrsVeryTired · 20/02/2022 11:59

@80sMum could you say "think you might have told me this before?" gently.

I'm a recently discovered ND and I've started to realise I do this lots, have recently started saying "sorry if I've told you this before" when people start to look glazed over/disinterested and I find it really helps.

I've also stopped regaling people with my stories (unless they are very much "my kind of people") as there's no need tbh and I feel a lot better.

80sMum · 20/02/2022 13:46

@Clarice99 I don't think that would be very well received! He would see it as personal criticism and go on the defensive - probably would "shut down" for a few hours by getting into bed, shutting the door and not speaking to me. He does that often in response to any attempt at that sort of conversation (ie where I mention anything that he's "doing wrong"). 😔

Knockoneofftheshelftowin · 20/02/2022 13:51

I feel like I'm interupting someone else's conversation, so please do excuse me but I am not nd and as far as I know none of my friends, lovely late mil or well thought of aunty are. But we all do this.

Original poster
ofwarren · 20/02/2022 14:14

@Knockoneofftheshelftowin

I feel like I'm interupting someone else's conversation, so please do excuse me but I am not nd and as far as I know none of my friends, lovely late mil or well thought of aunty are. But we all do this.

Some NT people also stim, some NT people hate going to the hairdressers, some NT people ate things they shouldn't as a child, some NT people hate loud noise, some NT people hate waistbands on clothing, some NT people hate hugs....
See where this is going?

I'm asking for the NEURODIVERSE opinion so I can see patterns and relate to people similar to me for once.

This post even had a disclaimer and STILL neurotypicals cannot help themselves.

OP posts:
Clarice99 · 20/02/2022 14:34

@Knockoneofftheshelftowin

I have reported your post.

By your own admission, you are not neuro-diverse. The OP asked the question of ND people.

Clarice99 · 20/02/2022 14:38

@ofwarren

This post even had a disclaimer and STILL neurotypicals cannot help themselves.

It's so annoying and frustrating.

Once again, I have reported to MNHQ and will continue to do so while this intrusion continues.

I have said it hundreds of times, I would not butt into the black MN section of the forum, but here, we aren't afforded that same respect.

It's really fucking infuriating.

Knockoneofftheshelftowin · 20/02/2022 15:06

I am sorry. Noted and won't be doing it again.