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Do you repeat stories you have already told people?
ofwarren · 20/02/2022 00:20
Disclaimer
This is the neurodiverse mumsnetters board so I'm directing my question to ND people.
I'm quite often told by my dh that I've already told him certain stories. For example, we will be talking about something we did as children and I will mention some anecdote about what I did and he will say "I know, you've already told me this story".
I also know that I've already told him the story but I want to tell him again and get annoyed when he stops me to say he's already heard it.
My mum who I think is also autistic does the same. Whenever a certain food is mentioned, she starts telling us how she doesn't like that food but in certain circumstances she will eat it. I must have heard the story 100 times.
Do you do this?
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Stripperyone · 20/02/2022 01:17
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EmmaH2022 · 20/02/2022 01:27
I don’t have an official diagnosis
I feel the urge to do this but I don’t do it because it would be so annoying for the listener
I do ask mum if she is listening because she often doesn’t seem like she is. She likes to keep her face neutral as she thinks it stops wrinkles. It is like talking to someone who has botoxed any signs of movement from their face.
I repeat stories in my head, if that makes sense.
ofwarren · 20/02/2022 09:28
It's almost as though when I'm having a conversation, I'm talking to then like I would talk in my head, so the thing we are talking about triggers a memory and I share it.
I assume it triggers the same type of thing in NTs brains but they don't say it.
Conversations don't come naturally to me, so when it's my turn to speak and I share my thoughts, it's generally the association that's in my head that I say.
I bet that's why we seem to relate all topics back to ourselves. NTs hate that. They will say something like "I've got a really bad back" and I'll say "I get that too as I have sciatica". To me, I'm showing empathy by sharing my understanding but they seem to get annoyed and think we make everything about ourselves.
80sMum · 20/02/2022 09:35
My DH (undiagnosed) always does that. He tells me - and everyone else - the same stories over and over. Sometimes I've tried telling him "yes, you've told us that before" but he gets very offended and defensive and says something like "OK, so you've made it clear that you're not interested in anything that I say!"
Does anyone else feel that way when they're reminded that they are repeatedly telling the same story?
Does anyone have any advice as to how I could let DH know without causing offence or upsetting him? Or is it best just not to mention it?
BoardLikeAMirror · 20/02/2022 10:28
@80sMum
Does anyone else feel that way when they're reminded that they are repeatedly telling the same story?
Does anyone have any advice as to how I could let DH know without causing offence or upsetting him? Or is it best just not to mention it?
I feel embarrassed rather than offended when I discover I've done this.
Is it best just not to mention it? Could you ask your DH what he would prefer? It's not something that happens deliberately so it isn't a behaviour that can really be changed, it's more a question of how the individual would prefer it to be managed.
crackofdoom · 20/02/2022 11:19
80smum I too feel a wave of anger and humiliation whenever I'm corrected or told I'm wrong doing something. I know it's not a helpful trait, so I try hard to correct it.
Re: the repetition, I 'm terrible with instructions, or plans for the day. "OK, so we're going swimming so we need towels and costumes in a bag and we'll park on the seafront and leave at about 3.45 and go and get a few bits from Sainsbury's and then home. Cat food! Washing up liquid!" repeated 4 or 5 times in various combinations. It's like saying it out loud anchors it in my brain. Luckily these monologues are usually directed at the DC, who need telling 4 or 5 times anyway (and are still likely to express surprise that we're not going straight home after swimming) 😆
deeplyrooted · 20/02/2022 11:22
I do this (mostly to my poor dc) and in my experience so do a lot of people. I quite like listening to “same old stories” - it’s a bit like re-reading a book, or listening closely to the lyrics of a song you like.
Sometimes I find it hard to tune in to what people are saying (even when I want to) because my mind wanders if I’ve caught the gist of it but they keep going for 3 or 4 more sentences. And so much of what people say is so predictable.
So I can’t really justify why I like familiar stories when logically they should make me tune out.
Clarice99 · 20/02/2022 11:54
I repeat stories. My DH tells me that he's heard it before and I'm fine with that. Saves me going through the whole thing again!
@80sMum
Does anyone have any advice as to how I could let DH know without causing offence or upsetting him? Or is it best just not to mention it?
Ask him. Everyone is different. Even this thread demonstrates differences. You can't know until you ask.
MrsVeryTired · 20/02/2022 11:59
@80sMum could you say "think you might have told me this before?" gently.
I'm a recently discovered ND and I've started to realise I do this lots, have recently started saying "sorry if I've told you this before" when people start to look glazed over/disinterested and I find it really helps.
I've also stopped regaling people with my stories (unless they are very much "my kind of people") as there's no need tbh and I feel a lot better.
80sMum · 20/02/2022 13:46
@Clarice99 I don't think that would be very well received! He would see it as personal criticism and go on the defensive - probably would "shut down" for a few hours by getting into bed, shutting the door and not speaking to me. He does that often in response to any attempt at that sort of conversation (ie where I mention anything that he's "doing wrong"). 😔
ofwarren · 20/02/2022 14:14
@Knockoneofftheshelftowin
Some NT people also stim, some NT people hate going to the hairdressers, some NT people ate things they shouldn't as a child, some NT people hate loud noise, some NT people hate waistbands on clothing, some NT people hate hugs....
See where this is going?
I'm asking for the NEURODIVERSE opinion so I can see patterns and relate to people similar to me for once.
This post even had a disclaimer and STILL neurotypicals cannot help themselves.
Clarice99 · 20/02/2022 14:38
@ofwarren
This post even had a disclaimer and STILL neurotypicals cannot help themselves.
It's so annoying and frustrating.
Once again, I have reported to MNHQ and will continue to do so while this intrusion continues.
I have said it hundreds of times, I would not butt into the black MN section of the forum, but here, we aren't afforded that same respect.
It's really fucking infuriating.
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