Hello. Hope there are still some people reading this thread.
It has become apparent to me that my brain doesn't work the way other peoples' brains work, but I don't know if I tick enough boxes to be diagnosed as having anything in particular.
Since childhood I have always felt like I'm just not like other people. I'm almost bluffing my way through, fake-it-til-you-make-it style, and when I get to the end of a particularly challenging event, I think "Phew, I think I got away with it."
I can have extreme (to me) social anxiety, sometimes I'm anxious about even interacting with my few very close friends. If I'm in the supermarket and I see someone I know, I'll hang back until they've gone, or I'll go down a different aisle to avoid them.
My sense of direction is non-existent. If I go to the loo in an unfamiliar building, when I come out I can't remember which way I came in. Travelling regular routes near home is usually ok, but I can't visualise the route in advance, nor give directions. I use Google Maps a lot, and don't have the ability to just reverse the directions for a return journey. I honestly feel like there's a part of my brain missing, that most people have, but that I was born without. People think it's really funny when I've been to their house four or five times but still don't know how to get there.
It was when I was casually googling to see why my sense of direction is so shit, that I saw it's often a problem for people with ADHD. So I've been reading about it, but for all the traits where I think "Yes, that's me!" there are lots where I think "No, definitely not." I forget what I was saying mid-sentence, why I was going into a particular room, I can even reach for my phone, and by the time it's in my hand, I've forgotten why I wanted it. I find myself staring into space sometimes. I start tasks and forget them. I make drinks and forget them, so go to warm up my coffee, and then find it in the microwave hours later. Certain noises go through me, eg a baby banging a spoon on a plastic dish. But I'm rarely late, I don't often miss appointments etc, but then I rely heavily on my diary, set a phone reminder for when kids have school swimming lessons, and have the morning routine so ingrained that it generally runs smoothly. The hyperactivity aspect doesn't seem like me either.
I read about Dyspraxia, too. I bang into things all the time, I've constantly got a bruise on my thigh from the corner of the table, and I regularly knock my funny bone on the door handle. I am HOPELESS at any sport involving a ball, can't throw, catch, or kick one unless it's by accident. Yet, I rarely trip, nor do I knock drinks over - but then, I always make sure to put them in a place where they won't got knocked, and drum it into the kids not to leave their drink near their elbow, so maybe I've just developed coping mechanisms?
Sorry, this is getting really long, and I'm just rambling. I've phoned my doctor, and they are going to ring me on Thursday. But if they say no, it doesn't sound like my problems are caused by anything in particular, then what? Does that mean I'm just hopeless and a bit daft? I know I'm not, but I also know that what goes on in my head is not normal.