Neurodiversity support thread for women with suspected, diagnosed or self-diagnosed autism, ADHD and other NDs #19

[Galvantula]

Hope it's ok to start one without Polter

Previous thread: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/mumsnetters_with_sn/2954319-Neurodiversity-support-thread-for-women-with-suspected-diagnosed-or-self-diagnosed-autism-ADHD-and-other-NDs-18

The last one filled up a little while ago, hope everyone is doing ok.

thanks for the hug. oh no to the weight and hope you can get better results

it's been a big "thing" today. internet has been out which has triggered ds having several meltdowns, me having several meltdowns and dd flapping and stuttering. (cos her mum is having a meltdown) I have bneen in meltdwon, trying to prevent a meltdown or recovering from a meltdown for several hours.

@BlackeyedSusan I've been on holiday so am feeling a bit better.

that sounds good. UK or abroad?

still up with a child.

Can I join? I need something like this. I’m in the process of pursuing an autism diagnosis (been referred).

Struggle with hyperfocus and executive function. I have three kids and a nearly FT job. I generally stay on top of laundry and dishes but everything else is very hard - i often struggle to keep on top of washing my hair (and you can tell) and my house is always quite disorganised. How does everyone else cope?

Feeling ok this morning. I’ve taken my vitamins and my antidepressant meds, got dressed in work clothes, done hair and makeup, put on a load of laundry, logged on to work and had breakfast, so I’m feeling like I’ve done something today. Hope it lasts

Hello, can I join in too?

@Nc123 how is your day going? I've just realised that I didn't brush my teeth today, it's not something I usually have trouble with but if I don't do it as soon as I get up I'll keep putting it off. I had a shower then got into pjs to sit at my desk and browsemumsnet work.

I was diagnosed with ADHD (combined type) (in my 40s) earlier this year and have been on Vyvanse for about 3 and a half months now, I also have a prescription for a low dose of Amfexa which I use to top up or on it's own.

The psychiatrist I saw also recommended I was seen for an ASD diagnosis (which I haven't pursued) and I'm certain I have dyslexia and possibly dyspraxia (though I have some contradictory traits for that).

In many ways medication has been life changing but I still struggle to focus on (or actually do much) work. I'm trying to make sense of why this is and the best I can come up with is a complete failure of confidence in my ability, I'm terrified of failing and I'm at a loss as to how to overcome this. I know I just have to do it but I keep putting it off.

I should get some counselling around this but I don't want to spend so much money when I'm not earning much. It's a catch 22 Arg!

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria how are you finding Vyvanse now? My appetite was uncontrollable on a lower dose! My stomach rumbled constantly and I was eating all day - the prescribing nurse was flummoxed by this side effect! Now my dosage has gone up I'm still hungry but I can control it better which is quite a novel experience for me.

@jennyyellowhat

Hello, can I join in too?

@Nc123 how is your day going? I've just realised that I didn't brush my teeth today, it's not something I usually have trouble with but if I don't do it as soon as I get up I'll keep putting it off. I had a shower then got into pjs to sit at my desk and browsemumsnet work.

I was diagnosed with ADHD (combined type) (in my 40s) earlier this year and have been on Vyvanse for about 3 and a half months now, I also have a prescription for a low dose of Amfexa which I use to top up or on it's own.

The psychiatrist I saw also recommended I was seen for an ASD diagnosis (which I haven't pursued) and I'm certain I have dyslexia and possibly dyspraxia (though I have some contradictory traits for that).

In many ways medication has been life changing but I still struggle to focus on (or actually do much) work. I'm trying to make sense of why this is and the best I can come up with is a complete failure of confidence in my ability, I'm terrified of failing and I'm at a loss as to how to overcome this. I know I just have to do it but I keep putting it off.

I should get some counselling around this but I don't want to spend so much money when I'm not earning much. It's a catch 22 Arg!

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria how are you finding Vyvanse now? My appetite was uncontrollable on a lower dose! My stomach rumbled constantly and I was eating all day - the prescribing nurse was flummoxed by this side effect! Now my dosage has gone up I'm still hungry but I can control it better which is quite a novel experience for me.

All right thanks jenny - although I’ve struggled to focus at points I’ve managed to get through my working day productively. I went for a walk as well which is often something I don’t manage when my executive function fails me. Just cooking a curry for tea in line with my healthy eating plans, my husband will fetch the kids from wraparound care soon for homework, baths and chilling, and then later I’ve got a client call for my side business (coaching). After that I can relax.

How’s everyone doing?

I’m proud of myself today. I used to fall victim to autistic overwhelm a lot when I was busy at work and just shut down - then I’d get into trouble for missing deadlines. Today I have five different areas of responsibility, no available support, and two urgent papers just dropped on my desk. Could feel myself getting overwhelmed.

But instead of shutting down, I made a list of everything I had to do and colour coded it red, amber and green. The red items were the only ones that HAD to be done today, so automatically the fact that not everything was red made me feel less overwhelmed and more in control. And I was then able to start work straight away on some of the red items, which was a huge help.

Hello, it's so good to see the word Neurodiversity here. I hate that this section is named special needs. I suspect I am autistic, I'm in my 30's.

I'd love a place to chat to others...has this thread continued somewhere else?

Hi, can I join you all please? I'm 41 and 99.9% sure I have ASD, especially so since my dd was diagnosed with it last year and I was sitting there with her during the assessments thinking, this is me as well.

I've always felt "different" since I was a young child, but in my early 20's I had a breakdown and have had anxiety and periods of depression since. I always thought it was because of having chronic health issues that leave me with a very limited life. Now I'm seeing almost everything could be explained by ASD and I think possibly ADHD as well.

Also my upbringing with a controlling and emotionally abusive narcissist as my mother hasn't helped my mental state. I'm now low contact with her since having therapy, it opened the floodgates to confirming what a dysfunctional family I come from and how much it's effected me / continues to effect me.

I asked my GP about getting a diagnosis but she fobbed me off, told me I could always pursue it privately if I felt I really needed a diagnosis or label. No way we can afford a private diagnosis though. How did you all get a diagnosis?

Hi @Violet9 I can relate to always feeling different and putting it down to something else. I always thought it was because of my mixed heritage background making me feel different. Now I think my dad is undiagnosed autistic my mum is either trauma responding or ADHD and I definitely have traits. Whether it's enough to be classed as autistic I don't know. I know that not everyone is a bit austic but I can't help but think I'm a bit autistic.

That sucks that your GP brushed it off. Do you think you could ask again?

I recently spoke to my GP about it, it took me so much energy to get to that point. I had to make an account and answers some questions but they weren't specific to autism. I don't know what the next step is.

My brother was diagnosed autistic when he was young.

Gosh. I’m reading all your messages and everything is falling into place. I posted on another thread because I have known deep down I was autistic for years and it’s so good to find I’m not alone. I just watched one of Sarah hendrickx’s videos and I feel quite tearful - it is me she is describing, in every aspect.

I think I have ADHD too, and it all explains so much - I have been beating myself up my entire life about my inability to make friends, to concentrate, to get a grip of my life. I’ve been in and out of therapy for depression and anxiety for years - always seeming to successfully ‘recover’ - I realize now that this is because of my desperate need to please the therapist. But the deep sadness and anxiety always returns.

I just really hate myself for not being normal, I’m barely keeping my head above water at work because I can’t concentrate and in meetings I stay totally silent while everyone else contributes. It’s embarrassing but I just can’t seem to get a grip.

I also have a chronic illness which causes brain fog and I was blaming that, even thinking that I needed to take early retirement (which felt like such a relief as working causes me so much anxiety - mainly because of having to socially interact with my colleagues) but I have to admit I’ve had these issues since early childhood and my illness can’t be the sole cause.

I need a diagnosis and I need to address this, I can’t go on like this for the rest of my life, but what do I do? Will my GP listen to me? Will they believe me? I know the waiting lists for referral are very long but I can handle that if I know the process has started.

Thank you so much for any help and advice

@SunnyDay23 you may as well try through your GP. You could get equipped with results of the free tests you can do.

Privately costs around £1800.

I'm hoping my GP will refer me, I also don't care how long I have to wait I just want to get the process started. He was a bit vague about it with me. I need the chase it up.

What's your GP like?

@SunnyDay23

Gosh. I’m reading all your messages and everything is falling into place. I posted on another thread because I have known deep down I was autistic for years and it’s so good to find I’m not alone. I just watched one of Sarah hendrickx’s videos and I feel quite tearful - it is me she is describing, in every aspect.

I think I have ADHD too, and it all explains so much - I have been beating myself up my entire life about my inability to make friends, to concentrate, to get a grip of my life. I’ve been in and out of therapy for depression and anxiety for years - always seeming to successfully ‘recover’ - I realize now that this is because of my desperate need to please the therapist. But the deep sadness and anxiety always returns.

I just really hate myself for not being normal, I’m barely keeping my head above water at work because I can’t concentrate and in meetings I stay totally silent while everyone else contributes. It’s embarrassing but I just can’t seem to get a grip.

I also have a chronic illness which causes brain fog and I was blaming that, even thinking that I needed to take early retirement (which felt like such a relief as working causes me so much anxiety - mainly because of having to socially interact with my colleagues) but I have to admit I’ve had these issues since early childhood and my illness can’t be the sole cause.

I need a diagnosis and I need to address this, I can’t go on like this for the rest of my life, but what do I do? Will my GP listen to me? Will they believe me? I know the waiting lists for referral are very long but I can handle that if I know the process has started.

Thank you so much for any help and advice

I’m going through the GP referral process atm. Mine did listen though I’d done a lot of reading up which I think helped. The referral was agreed straight away but the process takes ages - about a year so fate.

So far!

Struggling today with executive function. I make lists but then feel oppressed and demotivated by just how much stuff is on them! And it’s tax self assessment time which doesn’t help. I have uniforms to wash and nobody in this house is any better at keeping things tidy than I am - but somehow it’s me that has to keep everyone on top of it!

@Nc123 ah I know that struggle! How about delegating some of it?

[quote MeltedButter]@Nc123 ah I know that struggle! How about delegating some of it?[/quote]
No one else keeps on top of it if I don’t - my husband seems to take me not doing things as an excuse for him to slack off as well. Tbf I think everyone in this house is probably neurodivergent as well but ffs.

@Nc123 yep same in our household, my daughter has already been diagnosed, I want to be assessed for asd and adhd and dh and I suspect he also has asd! Honestly we can barely function as a family sometimes, it's like we're all shell shocked by life as a unit as well as individually in our different ways. Thank goodness dh is healthy and able to do a lot of practical things, my health stops me from doing so much but he's very good about having to pick up the slack with things like shopping, hoovering, ironing dd's school shirts etc. All my limited energy goes on supporting dd, she has pda as well and most things she'll only do if coaxed or helped by me. Puberty has really hit recently as well and she's even more up and down emotionally now, I don't really have any physical or mental energy left in me to use on myself. E.g today, lazy morning then this afternoon getting homework done, 2 lots because we never managed to get last week's done and her teacher sent a note home. Lots of refusal, running away, shouting then
crying for half an hour beforehand. Didn't manage to get her to engage much or finish it. I did manage to do some batch cooking which felt like an actual achievement for me! Now letting dinner go down before the next battle begins over getting dd showered, long hair washed, brushed, dried, brushed again and plaited, putting cream on her eczema, weekly trimming of all her nails, and she's started getting spots so now needs a good cleanse with clearasil every night before bed. She wants me to start shaving body hair for her, is that usual at 11 or do girls usually wait til they're older? I don't think I did til 13, I can't remember exactly. Dh will do ironing her school stuff for the week and making packed lunch. I seem to spend all eve attending to dd then trying to get her to bed, another battle, and she gets really bad sleep related anxiety so I have to be as calm and patient as possible. If I get annoyed at all or raise my voice she can then have a meltdown that goes on even longer than the time it takes to keep trying to get her off the iPad or playing with the dog. Then she either gets anxious about having insomnia because we've "fallen out" as she calls it, or she wakes in the night and can't get back to sleep.

I just don't have anything left in me to take care of myself, I look and feel an ill mess, and since shielding because of my health issues when Covid first started, I feel like I still haven't re-emerged back into the real world and society. I loved not having to socialise, and navigating the world is just so difficult, and exhausting.

I'm so happy to come across this thread just now. It's only within the last year that I have realised that I have Asd, deep down I think I always knew. I always felt so different to others and felt like everyone else got an instruction manual for how to navigate life bit I never did.

I'm extremely sensitive and often feel like I am missing a top layer of skin because I find the world such a harsh place. For a long time I used to beat myself up for not being able to effortlessly make friends and any attempt I often made in groups with people, would lead them to look at me like I was from another planet, now so much of it all makes sense and I'm trying to be kinder to myself

Has anyone got a non clinical diagnosis from Hendrickx Associates? I'm 50, pretty sure I'm on the spectrum but have no need for a clinical diagnosis, I don't need help for anything. I would just like to know for my own peace of mind. For £750 I'm tempted but wonder what the process is like.

Hi everyone. I hope I can join the thread.

This morning, after a lifetime of berating myself and wondering what the fuck was wrong with me, I finally got so desperate plucked up the courage to call my GP and ask to be referred for an assessment.

I'm pretty certain that I have adhd tbh. All the quizzes and self assessments that I've done confirm it, and there is no other explanation for the difficulties that I face.

I'm really nervous about the assessment process, though, and about what it might involve. Is it true that they will want to talk to my parents? My mum laughed a few years ago when I said that I thought I had it, and she will be really dismissive of the assessment process , I suspect- ironic, given that I'm 99% certain that she has it too. I think she just thinks that I can't have adhd because I did really well at school.

I'm concerned about the need for the symptoms to have been in place since early childhood as I don't really know if there is enough evidence. They were definitely there in the teenage years, but I don't remember much about what it was like at primary school. I was very bright and probably masked it pretty well most of the time, especially as I wasn't often left to manage my time independently at that age.

There were some possible signs in the early years, I think. Incessant talking in company where I felt confident (very shy with people I didn't know though). Lots of daydreaming but also periods of hyperfocus, especially when reading when I would feel infuriated at having to go downstairs for a meal. Difficulty with transitions like bedtime - my parents used to have to give me a 15min warning. I cried very easily (still do). Very messy - I used to find tidying my room overwhelming still do. And my dad always used to comment on me being a terrible fidget.

From a very early age, I struggled terribly to wind down enough to sleep at night, to the point that I would sit in my room and cry most nights. I also had wetting myself "accidents" well into the primary years, which I suspect might be linked to a lack of executive function.

I definitely didn't misbehave in school though, and wasn't "naughty". Didn't engage in risky behaviour. Did exceptionally well academically. I do remember struggling to finish a project when I was around 10, and pretending that I had lost it because I just couldn't face how boring it was. My mum also spoke to the school when I was around 6 because I was having regular screaming tantrums at home and she had concluded that I was bored and frustrated in school.

Is this kind of evidence "enough"? I don't have school reports complaining about my lack of concentration etc because I think my academic ability enabled me to mask it really well, but I do think the problems were probably there from the outset.

Sorry for epic post, you probably all stopped reading ages ago!

I feel like I can properly join this thread now since I was diagnosed last week. There's a definite feeling of imposter syndrome though as I'm 50 and have mostly developed coping strategies. Not sure how I feel about it all really. It wasn't a surprise to me but it's still weird to be given validation.

I’d like to join if I may? I’m on the waiting list for diagnosis, have been told it could take a couple of years. My GP gave me the AQ50 and I scored 31 so she referred me. But my husband says the whole thing is ridiculous, he took the AQ50 to prove a point and he scored 29. He’s not autistic and has no social difficulties or other issues, he’s just quiet and introverted. He says the AQ50 just measures whether you’re shy and quiet with low self esteem, and that doesn’t mean you’re autistic.