Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Muslim Mumsnetters

This board exists primarily for the use of Muslim Mumsnetters. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

'No boxed gifts' on wedding invitations

61 replies

poshsnobtwit · 24/07/2024 21:53

This isn't a Muslim thing, from what I can tell it is an Asian thing as Hindus/sikhs widely do it too. Our community is predominately Asian so I've become immune to it on cards, but Arabs have now started putting it and it's really bothering me. Obviously I can see why they'd rather not have boxed gifts, but I feel it goes against the Islamic premise of accepting gifts, ie receive graciously. I received a card a few days ago and it didn't even say it nicely, just NO BOXED GIFTS at the bottom. I feel this is really rude and cheeky, not even a please. Anyone else feel irked at this?

OP posts:

suburburban · 25/07/2024 22:07

Ozanj · 25/07/2024 21:52

In most Hindu weddings we say no boxed gifts because there is a culture of reciprocation and people will write down the value of gifts given and received in the family log book.

We also say this because in the absence of cash the only ‘socially acceptable’ gift is gold / silver / jewellry and reciprocation can then be tricky as precious metals are expensive and could put people on the spot.

In Muslim weddings it’s the opposite. Muslims must leave the choice of the gift to the giver (I know this is true because every Muslim wedding I’ve ever been too has quoted part of the Sahih Hadith in invitations). So yes I’d be miffed too if Arab Muslims were doing this.

Sounds quite mercenary and transactional

Waterocean67 · 25/07/2024 22:14

A please or “polite request if gifting” could be added, but I would rather even a small amount in a card or envelope than lots of random things I won’t need and will just need to sort through /get rid off. If someone has taken the time to host and include me on their special day and paid for my meal , or even to feed my entire family, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with them indicating a preference . I’ve had some friends put 20 pound each in an envelope before and that was more valued than random bath sets or candles . Also some people might think great I don’t have to worry about choosing something or buying the right thing but I get how people with a lower budget might feel more self conscious if they have to give cash

Original poster

poshsnobtwit · 25/07/2024 22:20

@Ozanj Pakistani Muslims do it as a standard in my community. And yes, it's very against the spirit of Islam.
I would give £50 as minimum for a gift, £100 for a friend and £200 for a very close friend.

OP posts:

Parkingt111 · 25/07/2024 22:23

From what i have seen from most of the weddings I have attended within my own family, is that the overwhelming majority of guests do give cash. However, none of them have been told to whether directly or indirectly with specific words like 'no boxed gifts'
I didn't write anything about gifts on my wedding invitation and I still recieved mostly money.
I had a few close family members who told me they wanted to give me gifts and asked if there was anything I needed/wanted which was really kind and helpful of them.
I also recieved a few gifts from some guests which were all lovely and none of them were toasters.

Ozanj · 25/07/2024 22:25

suburburban · 25/07/2024 22:07

Sounds quite mercenary and transactional

Show quote history

Yes it’s supposed to be. Most Hindu cultures come from absolute poverty. There is no way people will give money or gold to others who don’t return the favour. It actually means social bonds are tighter because you only routinely socialise with people who care.

Ozanj · 25/07/2024 22:33

JC03745 · 25/07/2024 22:03

What is an accepted/average amount to give in cash for say a couple attending an Asian or Arab wedding in the UK?

Depends on the wedding and your means but can also depend on what that family gave to you. Anything from £5-£1000 is okay.

Original poster

poshsnobtwit · 25/07/2024 22:53

Ha ha massive acceptable range there @Ozanj! I can't imagine anyone in the UK giving £5 though...

OP posts:

eomeoni · 26/07/2024 05:38

This is very common in my group of friends (Muslims and non-Muslims). All the weddings I have been to have requested no boxed gifts.

sashh · 26/07/2024 08:38

Fizbosshoes · 25/07/2024 21:28

Thinking back to the Hindu weddings I went to 20 years ago, with the stipulation of "no boxed gifts", there was in excess of 500 people there so I can see that material gifts might become impractical. Imagine how many toasters you might get! 🤣

However even if everyone "only" gave eg £20-50, (and that would probably be a very frowned upon modest amount) if you had 800 guests that could be a decent deposit for a house!!

I went to a 'small' Sikh wedding, only about 300 people.

I don't know if it is a Sikh thing or an Indian thing bet all the guests lined up and had a photo taken with them waving some cash over the bride and groom's heads.

Quite a few of her family flew in from Canada so I think it is more practical to give money rather than a gift.

LBFseBrom · 26/07/2024 08:44

eomeoni · 26/07/2024 05:38

This is very common in my group of friends (Muslims and non-Muslims). All the weddings I have been to have requested no boxed gifts.

It's very sensible too.

duckduckgo13 · 26/07/2024 13:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

Yes, no physical gifts please, just your sincere well wishes to the couple (or cash) - but makes the point that you'd rather have no present than a physical one.

Flip

1 2 3