'No boxed gifts' on wedding invitations

[poshsnobtwit]

This isn't a Muslim thing, from what I can tell it is an Asian thing as Hindus/sikhs widely do it too. Our community is predominately Asian so I've become immune to it on cards, but Arabs have now started putting it and it's really bothering me. Obviously I can see why they'd rather not have boxed gifts, but I feel it goes against the Islamic premise of accepting gifts, ie receive graciously. I received a card a few days ago and it didn't even say it nicely, just NO BOXED GIFTS at the bottom. I feel this is really rude and cheeky, not even a please. Anyone else feel irked at this?

That is so ruthless and cringey!

Nothing for you to be ashamed about, but quite odd behaviour from your SIL 🙈
It must be tough to have these things discussed infront of you, yet having to stay quiet on it to not rock the boat.

Me too!
I have never heard of this and would likely buy a nice rug 😂

My "acquaintance level" friend got an Oxfam goat certificate thing from one of her colleagues, and after being told my amount was a bit rubbish made me quite happy. Maybe that is what I should do from now on...

They have everything they want / need, give cash or vouchers. No one wants three toasters or whatever.

Oh the romance !!!

Italians (emigrated to England) do it too! And the list. I received an invitation saying "a gift in an envelope would be gratefully received". It's seen as a duty 🤣 A relative used to keep the wedding card unsealed and take out or add money if the wedding breakfast was particularly bad or good. 😮 My boss is Jewish and he told me his sister had this at her wedding in New York decades ago. Some cultures use money in place of gifts to cover the cost of the big bash. It doesn't translate well but it's an old tradition.

Some people state "presents in blessings only" which makes the point more gracefully!

@duckduckgo13 if I saw that I would assume that they are asking for prayers! @Thatwasthen2 interesting to know that it happens within Europeans, I thought it was an Asian thing.

That's horribly mercenary. 😕

I just wouldn't attend the wedding.

Id assume that meant no gifts but you post suggests otherwise

If I saw no boxed gifts I would also take that literally and think it meant no household type items

Seems rather mercenary to me

Arabs haven't now started doing it. I'm Arab, sure the odd person (few and far between) bring gifts, but I've only ever known cash gifts. With that said I and no one I know would ever be crass enough to specify no boxes gifts.

(As in to imply cash was preferred). Can't edit as on app.

Exactly and it saves so much waste.

Just let people buy what they want or need. Not what you think they want or need.

A book token.

Apparently, everyone likes a book token...

Thinking back to the Hindu weddings I went to 20 years ago, with the stipulation of "no boxed gifts", there was in excess of 500 people there so I can see that material gifts might become impractical. Imagine how many toasters you might get! 🤣

However even if everyone "only" gave eg £20-50, (and that would probably be a very frowned upon modest amount) if you had 800 guests that could be a decent deposit for a house!!

All the Arabs do it in my community now, it's only been in the last 5 years or so I'd say.

With 500 at the wedding you'd need to pay that off first before thinking about the mortgage 😅 Nowadays you'd need at least £30 per person (including children) just to cover the day.

What I meant was it isn't a recent thing Arabs have just started doing. It's always been cash gift.

Oh yes traditionally, but to put 'no boxed gifts' on the invitation is something new in our community. As communities become more ethnically mixed perhaps they had started to get kettles/toasters/photo frames and wanted to make it very clear for those not in the know 😁

Ah I see. Sorry totally misunderstood! I haven't noticed the "no boxed gifts" thing, but agree is bizarre.

In most Hindu weddings we say no boxed gifts because there is a culture of reciprocation and people will write down the value of gifts given and received in the family log book.

We also say this because in the absence of cash the only ‘socially acceptable’ gift is gold / silver / jewellry and reciprocation can then be tricky as precious metals are expensive and could put people on the spot.

In Muslim weddings it’s the opposite. Muslims must leave the choice of the gift to the giver (I know this is true because every Muslim wedding I’ve ever been too has quoted part of the Sahih Hadith in invitations). So yes I’d be miffed too if Arab Muslims were doing this.

And they fit nicely in an envelope
😆

What is an accepted/average amount to give in cash for say a couple attending an Asian or Arab wedding in the UK?