IABU please help me change
Sorry this is long
This is with my parents. MN would definitely advise them to go NC. I am a middle aged woman and toxic. I am intolerant, do not deal well with any imperfections. I can be aggressive. Although this is heightened in stressful situations it isn't just then. I am foul mouthed.
If I was a toddler I would be constantly having temper tantrums. This is in public - my father will say "are you going to make a scene and embarrass us, and the trouble is even though I know it is wrong I still do make the scene.
I am trying mindfulness meditation (daily for some months) to help me be calmer, but it doesn't seem to be able to get that in before the anger is out. I have always been like that. Now it is well past my responsibility to deal with it.
To not drip feed I have various disabilities. I have depression but the behaviour started well before that. I have autism, diagnosed a couple of years ago. There is no support in my area. I am isolated and rely on my parents though I live alone.
I hate myself. I have tried some anger management/cbt techniques but the aggressive words seem put there before I even begin to practice it. I have had counselling before regarding social isolation.
Can anyone suggest where I go from here.