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How exactly do you feel/have you always felt if you are an adult female with aspergers?

62 replies

HarryPottersMagicWand · 21/07/2016 14:54

I suspect i have aspergers. It doesnt affect my lifeas such but there are things that bother me and looking back I've always felt, off somehow. I've always put it down to a difficult early childhood but now im not so sure.

So (and it's probably worded very badly) how do you actually feel? I can't think of a better way to convey what it is in trying to say. I guess an example is I've always had friends (although I struggle to keep them) and appeared sociable but I've always felt on the outside and I'm forcing myself more and it doesnt feel natural to me. Like its disjointed somehow.

OP posts:
ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 26/07/2016 23:59

Sorry I haven't RTFT just the OP (but I will do in a sec) however I can tell you that I don't really feel like a person. I just feel like a robot going through the motions if that makes any sense.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 27/07/2016 00:01

And of course having to act all of the time. I copy other people so I can look normal but it just feels so fake and I don't even think I do it right.

So I don't feel human. Just a robot going through human motions and emotions.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 27/07/2016 00:03

And yy to everyone having a book about how to act and what to say but for some reason you weren't given one. I'm always amazed by how NT people just seem to know how to behave and can pick up social clues just like that.

autisticrat · 27/07/2016 02:24

Oh, inveterate grudge-holder here. I tend to go over and over things thinking "But why would they treat me like that? That's a horrible thing to do." It's the other side of the same coin, think.

Allofaflumble · 27/07/2016 09:39

A facsimile of something that was never fully formed and finished. With a chameleon and kaleidoscope thrown in. How's that?! WinkSmile

Ineedmorepatience · 27/07/2016 10:19

I think it is an Aspie thing Aut!

My Dd3 is a classic example, we say its "One strike and you are out" with her, if she doesnt like something or someone upsets her, thats it, she is done!

I am more forgiving of people but places that offend me do not get a return visit Grin

Incitatus · 27/07/2016 13:27

I feel as though I'm more akin to an animal than a human being. I feel as though I'm just pretending to be a human.

I'm frightened all the time and I have to keep sniffing stuff. My cats do these things Confused

Other people know there's something odd about me no matter how hard I pretend. It's an exhausting and depressing process.

autisticrat · 27/07/2016 14:12

It makes me really sad that so many of you seem to be saying that you don't feel like a "proper" human being, if I'm interpreting what you're saying properly. It's awful that something could make you feel like that :( You are real, important, unique people.

Incitatus · 27/07/2016 14:22

I don't feel real, important or unique. I feel like I shouldn't be here. I can't play by the rules that the NTs set. They're the ones who run the world. No matter how scummy and stupid they may be, we're still under them and they still call the shots.

No matter how autistic I am, I can still detect that look of confusion and then disgust on their faces when their senses reliably inform them that the person in front of them is odd and not quite right.

autisticrat · 27/07/2016 14:25

That must be so hard to live with. I don't want to invalidate the way you feel at all; it's okay to feel what you feel. But I think you're important and unique. Flowers

Ineedmorepatience · 27/07/2016 15:58

I agree Aut it is sad that people feel like they are not "proper humans". Society is cruel and the world has clearly been a very tough place for them!

The world hasnt been very kind to me sometimes but I am taking a break from many parts of it at the moment.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 27/07/2016 21:25

I feel odd, can't quite articulate how. But like I'm a person who gets the social bits just a bit wrong despite trying to get them right. There is often a tumble weed moment after I have prattled on with some crap because I'm nervous and feel the need to be saying stuff and it just goes....nowhere.

I get the one strike and you are out thing. I have lost many friends because they have upset me and that's it, they are gone. If you treat me like shit one time then I'm not going to keep you around for round 2!

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Ineedmorepatience · 27/07/2016 22:21

I get that Tumbleweed thing Harry!

I also stop sometimes and think Oh shit I have been rambling but then there is silence which feels horribly awkward! Its so complicated!

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 27/07/2016 23:37

I feel like I can't really be a proper human being if acting like one doesn't come naturally to me iyswim. If I have to copy other people all the time then I'm not really being myself am I? I'm just someone or something just going through the motions every day.

FaithAscending · 28/07/2016 07:48

I feel fake. I can pretend to be NT to fit in a lot of the time but it's exhausting. I wish I could just be me but they give me those weird looks when I am.

Incitatus · 28/07/2016 14:28

I only have to open my mouth and I'm in some kind of trouble. Some days I don't bother speaking. I try to think very hard about what I need to say, but I often struggle to express myself and it comes out wrong anyway Confused

I'm also prone to shouting and swearing if I lose my temper Blush

HarryPottersMagicWand · 28/07/2016 15:12

I could have written that incitatus!

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LauraMipsum · 29/07/2016 11:08

I feel like I don't have a personality. I have a variety of roles I can act but none of them are truly 'me' and I don't know what 'truly me' actually is. And I'm mostly okay with that.

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 30/07/2016 00:31

I don't know what 'truly me' actually is.

I feel like that too.

How can you know who you truly are if you aren't allowed to be who you really are?

FaithAscending · 30/07/2016 08:12

I feel the same. If we were truly me, we'd get funny looks and Why are you so weird? comments. So I feel fake when I try to fit in, weird when I try to be myself!

HarryPottersMagicWand · 31/07/2016 21:09

I do get the weird comments. It gets right on my tits but I'm not sure I try to fit in, I mainly am who I am and people either get me and find me either funny or quite refreshing or they really dont get me. I do get 'looks', at which point I tend to kind of withdraw a bit more or witter on trying to cover up some sort of social ineptitude and probably make it worse.

OP posts:
Mamaka · 05/08/2016 10:07

I can identify with everything on this thread! Only recently (finally!) discovered Tania Ann Marshall's list of traits of Aspergers adult females and am now learning to understand myself. I also feel like I don't really have a personality and am constantly chameleon-ing. I'd be interested to know the real me. How do you find the real you when you've been a chameleon all your life?!

FaithAscending · 05/08/2016 10:09

Mamaka that's what I'm struggling with...

SpinningTotem · 02/09/2016 12:17

I've always felt like I'm standing far away from everyone else, and that there's a bridge or a barrier between us, that I'm observing them rather than really interacting with them, and that they are incapable of really seeing me.

I felt like an alien growing up, which turned into feeling subhuman as I got older, just not as much a 'proper person' as everyone else.

I am constantly baffled by people, despite almost obsessively studying them and their reactions/motives. Things that are guaranteed to upset whole groups of people don't stir even a flicker of emotion in me, and on the flip side I seem to get extremely upset over things that shock and baffle others. I go from 0 - 10 instantly, and don't seem to have the slow build up and warning signs that people expect to see.

One example of constant frustration here: the concept of not talking about something because it is offensive. I understand that people don't want to upset others (I don't either), but I do not understand how this is more of a priority than uncovering truth (which is the ultimate priority for me). Whether something is offensive or not is irrelevant (to me), even if I find it upsetting. All I care about is 'is it true?'

I am always afraid. I feel one step away from not being considered human at all, and something that should be lynched or 'put down'. I get nightmares of being discovered as not really human and chased by angry mobs.

I don't recognise faces, they all blur into one, I can't tell if I've met someone before or not.
I can't tell where I'm going, the landscape appears to constantly shift visually and I have no sense of direction.
I can't tell where a sound is coming from, but some sounds trigger extreme emotion. I also have synaesthesia (I see flashing colourbursts of light with certain sounds).
I find it extremely upsetting to be touched at all by someone without expecting it (will have to take myself off somewhere to cry), and find it difficult even when I am expecting it. Won't go to hairdresser or dentist (would rather have pain and end up with no teeth), and struggle with doctors.

I am not proud of this part, but I noticed above someone said they had never known an 'Aspie' to be sadistic. I do have extremely sadistic feelings toward men as a group (psychological only, never physical). I think this is due to the long-term physical/emotional/sexual childhood abuse from my father, and now metaphorically seeing his 'all-powerful' face in all men, and wanting to smash it. I know this is wrong, and I suppress it, but I do not know how to get rid of it. I would never act on it.

I look forward to the quiet, slowly creeping inevitability of death, and would never choose to live life on this planet again (not suicidal though). There have been happy times, but a thousand-fold nowhere near enough to outweigh the pain on the other side of the balance. I cannot bear witnessing the pain others suffer on a global scale, and despise the parts of myself that contribute to it (ie. even just by living in a privileged Western country).

Anyway, I will stop myself there as that is the other tendency I have... to ramble!

I have found comfort in knowing there is a recognised reason for much of what I feel, and hope others gain similar comfort.

swissy56 · 25/09/2016 21:38

Hi can I join in? Struggling atm. I'm like you Harry Potter I thought having a difficult childhood was why I was struggling with friendships etc but now have come to realise over the last few years that I have Aspergers. Anyone fancy a meet up somewhere? I have a DH with Aspergers in denial though and a DD too .