Neurodiverse Parenting

[AntiquityOverShares]

A thread for all the added differences which come with parenting when you're neurodiverse!

Currently I'm not understanding the idea that one must have an EHCP. From what I can see a school either works or it doesn't and would rather expand effort into lying and fighting than defining and fulfilling need.

My point is its not about the thing itself but the belief that the thing will make the system work when it will or will not regardless of the effort put in. I know I over think things so I'm wondering if this is one of those situations.

I'm just place marking so I can come back to this thread later when I'm not supposed to be writing.

Place marking too!

Marking place too! :)

Also place marking.

Neurodiverse parenting challenge: noisy brightly-lit hospitals.

Back home now and DD is fine, also top marks to our local hospital for having dimmer switches for their horrible fluorescent superbright lighting.

Laura, that sounds stressful all round. Glad your DD is okay and that they dimmed the lights.

I have a neurodiverse parenting challenge today. I'm going to visit a potential primary school for DS1. I'll need to ask all the right questions about SENCO etc. whilst dealing with new place, noise etc.

And I didn't have a good night's sleep last night because DS2 was up screaming half the night.

Big Take along a list of questions so you don't need to rely on accessing your memory while so much is going on. I do it all the time now. I may even have attached a print out to a clip board for ds2's transition meeting! Lol!

I found that them telling me what they had in place for the children they already had with autism really helped (that's if I'm remembering you correctly and your ds1 has a diagnosis)

Laura What a stressful time. I imagine you'll need some come down time from it.

Ant, you're remembering correctly. Thank you. That's really helpful. I think having a list will help me stay focused and make me feel like I have more control over the situation, too.

I've cancelled today! One of the benefits of being self employed

I did say to DP this morning how grateful I am that both of us needed the same come-down time when we got home in the middle of the night - an hour's sitting in silence with screens. It was blissful and meant we could both sleep!

I have to take DS to work with me today to observe the kids' classes I'll be taking over next week for seven weeks. DS won't be coming normally, he is just coming today because he's on school holidays.

I'm so nervous about it, it's unreal. I'm sure it will be fine and I'm not sure why I'm so anxious but I could barely sleep last night. I will be fine once I've done it, I expect. And I think DS will enjoy being a helper too. But I'm quite informal with my adults' classes and I'm a bit anxious at having to be "on" for the whole three hours.

Oh oops I thought this was the general thread! Oh well DS is involved so I'm sure it counts :)

I think that was fine for this thread, Bertie. How did it go with him at work yesterday?

It was fine! I am glad that I met the children and I have lots of ideas for what to do with them in class. DS was fine and my colleague said he was so helpful she would have paid him if she'd had her purse with her.

I still feel a bit anxious because one of the children was shy and got upset which I thought was because I was there but it turned out to be because the other teacher stuck some leaves onto her jungle picture where she didn't want leaves but she didn't know how to say it in English so she just sat there and was sad for the rest of the time :( Big issue when you are five!

I have decided that neurodiverse parenting has made me a more creative parent than I ever imagined I would be!

We have been away this week and Dd3 has had some serious ups and downs, mainly due to hormones and having a period while on holiday.

But we coped and she had a nice time (I think)!

Never a dull moment, great idea for a thread

Does anyone else struggle with dc's extracurricular events having to be sociable with the other parents? I can fake it to the point of being NT appearing but it's such hard work and causes me to zone out for hours afterwards. I often wonder if it's worth it. I have pressure from my own parents to do these things to appear normal for dd's sake which sits really uncomfortably with me but that's for another thread /rant

Foofoo, I dread the boys doing the sorts of things you're talking about. Right now they're still young but I'm sure it will become an issue!

Yes I find it really hard to be social wth other parents.

We are home edding so every group or meet up we go to involves social stuff, I have found it very difficult at times but have built up a group of people that we know now so its getting easier.

I find it awful in noisy places when people want to chat and I cant hear what is being said. I prefer to sit on my own then but it seems to bother other people.

I don't mind the socialising at groups, but I find it hard to juggle everything - the organisation required is really hard work. I don't like taking DS all around to different things and find it a bit too much.

Then he wants to have friends over etc and it's hard - I always wanted to be the kind of laid back mum who had friends wandering in and out and I'd pop my head around and ask how many were staying for dinner and effortlessly cater for them, but it's harder than it seems. They are so loud when they are in groups as well!

I am struggling really struggling with speech ds2. He just wont leave me alone. He's constantly touching me. He puts his hands up my top down my top plays with my ears plays with my feet. Out in public if things get to much for him he's started sticking his head up my top. He's constantly trying to pick at my skin and nails. I have tried asking him to stop telling him it's not nice being positive when he stops. I refuse to actually tell him off as I know that he's only doing it for comfort and because he feels anxious. I am just so exhausted by it by this time every day. I can't even cook without him lying across my feet and pinning me to the floor. I have to fight to get him off me just to be able to go to the toilet. Any one got any advice at all on either how I can discourage him or how to cope with it.

Not speech just ds2 I am not sure how speech ended up there

Sorry, this thread ended up getting lost in the ones I'm following.

Meme, that sounds really, really hard. DS2 was super clingy but moving and just having a slightly different routine, me sitting at the table instead of on the sofa etc. seems to have helped a lot.

It's so hard when you're just doing your best to get through the day and another being is right there, squashed up against you constantly. I like to have my own space.

How old is your DS? All I can really suggest is trying to find alternatives that are appealing for him but that will depend on his age and interests. Things like setting him up with Play-Doh when you're cooking?

Thanks big. Hes 2 years 8 months. I have tried encoraging him to play he loves cars so been setting up his cars on table or in middle of room but he just moved them closer to me and held on to my big toe while playing. I have spoken to CDC recently and they saying that it seems i am is comforter to him so theres very likely little i can do i just need to find ways to handle it better which is not easy when you struggle to have other in your own space. They are now looking at getting him to nursery sooner than january god only knows how hes going to cope.

I guess you need to create your own calm without actually having a physical calm space when you're feeling too overwhelmed. Would he let you listen to music on headphones (mine won't)? Or you get loads of relaxation techniques and breathing exercises? Or wearing a comfy hoodie with the hood up?

Have you tried giving him an item of clothing you've been wearing (so will smell and feel like you)? I know that's normally suggested for younger toddlers/babies but it might be worth a shot? If you're particularly crafty and have any old items of clothing you could even sew them into a blanket or teddy or something?