I'm sure I've read an article online about this but I'm convinced I'm becoming more autistic. Walking home from the school run in the rain this morning I lost my cool with DD who keeps mumbling questions/demands at me whilst I'm already uncomfortable from the noise of the traffic and wind. I've been getting jaw ache and a feeling like trapped wind in my head and neck and have discovered I need to chew to make it go away. Or hang with my head upside down or the pressure gets too much. This is usually when overloaded by too much or a certain frequency of noise.
Popped to the shop and I need a list in front of me or I forget half of what I went in for. I've got my sunglasses on and yet the lights are still too bright, it's too noisy from the fridges and fluorescent lights and people chatting. I can't make eye contact with the cashier. I can't concentrate on what I'm there for if someone talks to me.
I lose my train of thought a lot if interrupted, find it impossible to follow verbal instructions. If faced with too much choice all I see is 'stuff' and my brain shuts down. I 'reset' a lot - freeze and stare into space.
I get brain fog at least once a day (I describe it as having treacle soaked cotton wool in my head) feel overloaded so easily, stress tolerance very low despite being pretty happy. I literally feel like my brain is being pulled on when the children are asking for lots of things at once. I get really grumpy when people nag me or tell me what to do.
I struggle to maintain conversation with other people unless we're having a proper heart to heart and often then I will scrutinise every element of the conversation later and think I've talked too much. I just can't do small talk. Find eye contact very hard unless I'm just listening. Take it very personally if someone is slightly 'off' or different with me. Drive myself crazy worrying about what people think, even ones whose opinion I don't care about.
I take things far more literally than I realised, I didn't know how much I rely on routine until recently, I do things in the same way over and over again unless I find a better way - feel very put out and confused if someone does it differently (an example is going a different way somewhere, method of washing up) I'm not consciously trying to say my way is the only way, I just can't understand why someone would do it differently. And yet I feel I am very tolerant and enthusiastic about diversity in life.
Thing is before I started reading about ASD because things weren't adding up with DS I had no idea I had all these problems. I've always found social stuff hard but assumed I was shy, I've had anxiety and depression but assumed they were because of a shit childhood. I didn't even notice sensory issues until the stress of having 2 DC got too much. But the more I struggle with coping with SN kids the more I feel I can relate to the reasons behind them.
Can sensory issues manifest later in life or have I just repressed all this stuff and just 'got by' by masking?
Does anyone relate to any of this?