Support thread for women with suspected/diagnosed/self-diagnosed ASD or ADHD

[EauRouge]

Previous thread here.

Hello all, I know I'm new but the old thread was full, so here's a shiny new one. This is a thread for adult women who have ASD or ADHD, or suspect they do, to support each other.

Here are some resources that might be useful:

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

Article about women and girls on the spectrum by NAS.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Attwood

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

Info dump complete

Please come and join in!

I hate light touch especially on my arms, dh always does it and it makes me mad.

Yes DH does it to me too, usually to amuse himself. Arse.

So the GP has agreed to refer me, agreed there won't be an issue over the dx, but the wait time is a year.

Do I tell work, so they can make some allowances?

Personally, I would wait till you have the official diagnosis, as then you are protected by law.

Unless you are having specific difficulties, and can't see another way out- I was struggling with the person I work with day in, day out, she accused me of being pedantic, unhelpful and obstructive, so I told her confidentially I was undergoing treatment for depression/anxiety, and awaiting diagnosis for AS and that helped as she realised it was nothing personal, and helped her to adapt the way she spoke etc. most times me being 'unhelpful and obstructive' was because I was doing exactly as she said and not reading between the lines- so it really helped to know it was AS. I felt it was a big risk telling her though, as at that point my boss didn't know, I had no idea if she would tell others, or if she would react in a helpful way, or what. Luckily (!) she had mental health issues herself so understood about the depression and did keep it confidential.

When I've had difficulties/ personality clashes with other people, I have simply nodded and smiled, avoided, and gone to people I do like and trust to offload. The only reason I told this one person is that I couldn't avoid her!

Since diagnosis, I have told my boss, and 3 of my closest colleagues, I'm keeping it quiet for now and telling people on a need to know basis.

How long did the process take? 12 months seems such a long time!

I keep falling off this thread, but have now caught up. I don't actually have anything useful to say except that I want to be more organised as I feel better then and I try to be, but people always move things.I can also relate to obsessions and not starting things due to fear of interruptions.

Finally, someone upthread mentioned liking aeroplanes for aesthetics rather than mechanics, me too. I also love steam trains.

Silk is revolting! I can't stand it, I've never understood why it's so popular.

Does anyone have any colours they don't like? For me, there's a pale pink/purple colour that makes me heave. It's hard to describe the exact colour and I don't really want to google it but it just makes me feel really sick. Loads of my aquilegias have come up that colour this year and I've had to yank them out.

I had a counselling session this morning which went really well. I'm feeling a lot more confident than this time last year and feel like I finally know where I'm going (if that makes sense). DD1 is going to be invited to a Lego therapy group for children with Asperger's, I'm sure she's going to love it.

This thread is moving quickly! I don't know whether to be pleased or not that there are even more newbies. Not that I don't want you here! Just that it should be easier to find support in real life. I'm glad that I have all you guys . We're going to have to come up with a snappy name for ourselves before this thread fills up.

noeuf about 6-7 months for me from GP to official diagnosis

But a couple of months of that was persuading the GP to put the referral in, it was only about 5 months from referral to diagnosis

noeuf well done on the progress. I was referred in August. I received paperwork to complete in February. Er, I filled it in by the end of April. I'm waiting to hear back about whether I meet criteria for assessment.

I identify with the sensory issues. I'm constantly plagued with ear worms. I can't tolerate some textures. Wool is bad, wet wool is repulsive!

I'm feeling quite upset. My colleague is getting married next week. Lots of our team are invited to the wedding. Almost everyone is invited to her hen do in town.....I'm not. I thought maybe it was because we haven't worked together that long, only to hear that one girl who has been with the team about 6 weeks is going. I'm ridiculously upset by it. It's like school all over again. Everyone's invited but me :( Not helped by the fact that toxic MIL (I suspect she has NPD) has been to stay, not just getting in our heads but also bringing her puppy. Puppy + 2 year old DD = major stress. She has gone now, I've vacuumed and stripped the beds (the dog had free reign!) and feel a bit calmer but still yucky.

Thank you for the dx information - sounds like it's about the same if a little slower here.

That wedding / hen do invite is horrible. Are you going to the wedding?

I internalise. I've now realised I had 'proper' meltdowns as a teen. These resulted in me being locked in the house as I would often run away while in the middle of them. But crying was always at the centre. I still cry uncontrollably and rock etc.

It's funny I'm feeling a bit resentful that noone ever picked this up when I was younger. Reading everything has shown me that I presented pretty typically for a girl in my teenage years. I was even under camhs or whatever it was called then for depression and anorexic tendencies. But that was 10 years ago now I guess, things seem to have only just got a bit better re ASD dx in women?

Also have.realised that one of my mum's favourite funny childhood stories about me is the meltdown I had when they bought a new.fridge. She recalls how they had to physically pull me off the old one to let the.delivery men take it away.

My DD1 did exactly the same thing with our sofa! She really yelled at the poor blokes who came to take the old one away. She was only 3yo. She also said for about two years that she missed our old red car, which we sold around the same time as the sofa. From what I have read, this is quite common in children (and some adults) with autism.

There are a few people who I really trust and have come to think of as friends, its weird though because we have children with diagnosed ASD we tend to talk about ASD, Education etc.

I can't really be honest because to do so would make me sound fake. I always feel like I'm acting.

I always remember being in my twenties and seeing an old school teacher, she asked after my mum. It was only when I was giving her chapter & verse and her mouth fell open that it slowly dawned on me that when people ask how you are, or how someone else is that you shouldn't tell them everything. I still cringe now, when I think of the people I've shared more intimate details than necessary with.

I ran off a lot as a teenager (and one particular memory of a meltdown on holiday where i had to be carried away), also controlled my eating. Would skip breakfast and lunch then pick at dinner.

I am hugely resentful that it has taken til 29 for me to see anyone myself, that my family (as above) wrote me off as melodramatic and still do now. And then they wonder why i melt down when trying to explain how i feel. I am also resentful that my health problems were viewed as hypochondria and still are by some. And again, having had problems all my life with my health, i had to sort it out myself as an adult. I wonder if my very probable asd was partly to blame for that, perhaps i wasnt verbalising the issues i was having properly?

In fact, i tried to run away in my recent meltdown. Forgetting that

1. My youngest son was there
2. I cant walk, never mind run!

Another thing though (sorry to thread hog!) in hindsight, as awful as it makes me feel, i would like to thank my twatty family member for giving me a recent example of a meltdown to pass on to my psych. I dont usually write about it after and my (once verging on photographic) memory has been affected by my health issues, so its very useful to have details written down :)

Noeuf, I've not been invited to any of it. The worst thing is when I got married I posted an open invite to my work colleagues and no-one came.

Beyond I identify with everything. I felt things so intensely as a kid and my family mocked me which only made it worse! My colleague recently said its always something with you, isn't it? This was in response to me explaining I had a very painful shoulder which required physio. I'm not a hypochrondriac, I just get ill and injuries a lot!

I'm another one with a work/home divide. Though I am making a conscious effort, my two favourite colleagues are leaving soon, so if I don't see them outside of work then I won't see them at all.

Yes to the poor health too, always had digestive problems even as a baby and then I was diagnosed with Crohn's as an adult. Since then my immune system has gone a bit haywire and I get everything going and now have a couple of chronic illnesses.

Yes to controlled eating as a teen, I wasn't anorexic but I tried to be, if that makes sense? Same as I tried cutting myself but that wasn't quite right either. I think I knew I didn't fit in with the main crowd so tried a few 'alternatives' till I found a group that accepted me- in my case the misfit smokers.

Beyond I get memory loss with very bad meltdowns too. I had a huge shutdown last Halloween and I can't remember much at all of the first two or three weeks of November.

I am very healthy but have an incredibly low pain threshold.

God yes to the "i wasnt anorexic but i tried to be"!!! That makes perfect sense, crohn. I had the same issue with smoking, it was the self harm that stuck for me. But in small enough doses that no one ever made a big deal out of it.

My pain threshold otoh is ridiculously high. So to make a big deal out of pain, it has to be way beyond what anyone else would put up with. I dunno though, it just seems normal to me?

Faith, i think (having right now had a lightbulb moment!) the thing with me always having "something wrong" is that to me, my health is my mastermind subject. Autistics will apparently talk on and on and on about their subject. Mine is my health (and part of why i am mid biology degree)

Eay, my memory loss is caused by the chronic fatigue from physical problems, but thinking about it (doing a lot of that this morning!) the chronic fatigue that follows a meltdown is idential and probably somehow related?

Hello? I was directed your way when I asked on Chat about Aspergers diagnoses for adults.

Basically, my brother was diagnosed with aspergers in his early 20s. I didn't know anything about it until then but it's fairly clear I have some symptoms too. I didn't really bother about it though (mainly because I had too much else to worry about and it was 'just part of me') until that Born Naughty episode where they talked about the link between mental health problems and aspergers in girls - I've a long history of anxiety, anorexia, self harm (only once) and severe OCD, and have been off work for a couple of years with ME that started with a virus but the underlying cause was likely to be years of stress and anxiety and generally struggling with the world. So I suddenly realised that aspergers might be the missing jigsaw piece that links up all of my problems and a diagnosis might make life easier and less stressful in the future. I'll need to convince my doctor and/or psychiatrist to refer me for an assessment though first... I'm in Cambridge, which helps in terms of knowing where to ask to be referred at least.

I have a question if you don't mind:

I've always heard of a really good memory - being able to learn and recite lots of random stuff - being an autistic trait, but mine is absolutely appalling. I can only remember things if there's a logic to them (in my parents' house the Left light switch of a pair switches on the Lower lights (the right one switches on the upstairs lights)), I don't know my times tables despite many hours, tears, flashcards and a tape of times tables songs to try and get me through weekly tables tests at school. I can work them out in my head quickly enough, but I don't just 'know' them like other people seem to. I got through exams by obsessively writing and rewriting my notes and cramming knowledge in so that it stuck just long enough for me to pass the exam (usually very well), then it all dribbled out again. It's the same with spellings - I can work some out logically, but am no good with ones that just have to be remembered. Dates, birthdays, telephone numbers are the same. Then again, my visual memory is very good; if I've been somewhere once I can generally get there again.

Is this normal for aspergers?

Thanks
Angua (who also can't spell sergeant )

I should add that I've only been able to skim through this thread, sorry. It looks like a really supportive thread and a mine of information, but I have a lot of difficulty reading thanks to the ME.

Welcome Sargeant! My understanding is there's a big overlap with ASD and other learning difficulties and memory could certainly fit in with that. Yes, some people have photographic/idetic (sp?), some are obsessive about something to the point they know lots of tiny details. I'm diagnosed dyslexic, suspected dyspraxic and waiting to see if my NHS area will assess me for ASD. My STM is awful. I don't learn well from reading as it takes up to 10 times to retain things. However my memory in other facets is good - like auditory memory, I learn songs quickly. I improved my grades by recording myself dictating my notes then listening and reading them back simultaneously!