I've been reading this all week, and thought I'd name change and post. (Name change as someone in RL knows my posting name and I don't want them to see this)
I think I have asd. My ds is being assessed for asd and things have been ringing bells for the last year.
I read a checklist on a blog last weekend and it was a real lightbulb moment and explains so much. On another quiz I scored 141 AS 70 NT (can't remember the name of it), but I also score high on the AQ test and the raads-r, despite the weird questions!
I feel relieved that there's a reason that I'm crap at socialising and organising stuff, and it's not that I'm an awful person or lazy, but I'm quite confused as well, that it's taken this long (I'm nearing 40).
If I go out, I feel quite uneasy and anxious about it, and afterwards need to have some quiet time as my ears feel like they're ringing.
If a topic of interest comes up, I can hear myself drone on about it, but I can't stop myself.
It's affecting how I am dealing with ds's assessment and I can't move beyond a couple of negative details, they play on my mind constantly.
I don't know if I want to go down a formal diagnosis route. Part of me wants to, as I don't think a self diagnosis would sit comfortably, and no-one in my life would take it seriously or understand, but my area is awful for asd, so if I did it would have to be private. I don't know if it would be worth talking to my gp about it anyway.
I talked to dh about it last weekend, he agreed that I do have some funny ways, but says it doesn't matter, but it does to me. So many memories for me are things that I struggled with for no reason, I barely talked in my first year of school, I was my twin sister's monkey and had a monkey voice. I was over dependent on her throughout primary. Secondary was awful. I was part of a gang of misfits, but can't say I had a friend at all. I was bullied throughout because I was a fat loner. Work was a constant struggle, I couldn't organise myself at all.
Wearing some clothes felt awful but I put up with it, I can remember a red silk shirt with ruffles down the front that I wore on special occasions. It still makes me shudder to remember the feel of it. I never brush my hair, ever. I wear awful clothes (as dd tells me) but I don't care, they're comfortable.
I struggle to go to certain places, sometimes it's all too much and I can't do it.
We always bought chicken feed from a certain farm. I knew I could go and get a month's supply, ring up, pick it up and leave the money in an envelope. Managed this for years fine. Then they ran out. I now go to a farm that's nearer, so easier I suppose, but I can only get a week's supply at a time, and find the farmer to pay. I spend the whole week stressing about having to go again.