Support thread for women with suspected/diagnosed/self-diagnosed ASD or ADHD

[EauRouge]

Previous thread here.

Hello all, I know I'm new but the old thread was full, so here's a shiny new one. This is a thread for adult women who have ASD or ADHD, or suspect they do, to support each other.

Here are some resources that might be useful:

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

Article about women and girls on the spectrum by NAS.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Attwood

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

Info dump complete

Please come and join in!

Hi glad I found this thread. I think I have some kind of ASD or am somewhere "on the spectrum". A few years ago an adult in my family was diagnosed and then some of the kids. Having found out about it I definitely recognise a lot of traits in myself. I am intelligent and good at certain things, but struggle with a lot of day to day stuff others seem to manage. I am not that great socially, although I do like to spend time with others and get along with people OK. But I have always had problems "fitting in" socially since I was at school. I dont really have any close friends. I am married and have a dd i think my dh has a lot of asd traits also, maybe why we get on, but it can make things difficult too. I am not looking for a diagnosis, since there does not seem to be any help available and maybe I would not get a DX anyway if I am not severe enough but I think my problems are bad enough to make life more difficult.

My goal is to find ways to work round my difficulties so that I can be at least average in the areas of life in which I struggle. I find parenting difficult, especially as my dd has some problems. Most of the things I have problems with are normal things, like my weight, looking reasonable and keeping house so that it might not be ASD at all causing my problems. But I just feel sure there is a link.

Good luck with your trip Eau. You are doing a nice thing, putting others first.

Sorry you are feeling so bad element. I know exactly what you mean about looking back at your conversations with professionals and thinking 'why didn't they see it?'

I'm reading this book, edited by Tony Attwood, - could be helpful for some of you. Its got little pieces by lots of different Aspies on how they cope with anxiety, everyday stresses etc. As well as practical tips I think it is helping me give myself permission to be weird, if you know what I mean!

Thanks, everyone. I'll go for a run in the morning and that'll chill me out a bit.

element, this is a good article from the NAS.

Welcome to the thread, cherryblossom. Stick around and have a chat :) I have to say that when ASD was first suggested as a possibility to me I was pretty shocked and dismissed it immediately. But having read a lot more about it and been assessed by an expert in autism, it does make a lot of sense now. A lot of people self-diagnose because they either can't get a diagnosis because they can't find anyone who is knowledgeable about diagnosing adults, or they just don't feel like they need to go through the process. You're right that there's no support available, but if you wanted to claim benefits or anything like that then you'd need an official diagnosis.

BatFoxHippo, I'm waiting for that from my local library, is it any good? I read the main Tony Attwood one and I didn't find it that helpful. It's about people with Aspergers rather than for people with Aspergers. It left me feeling a bit like a freak by the end.

Eau I do hope you have a good holiday but totally understand your trepidation. It is the "change from our norm" that makes it such a trial. To think some people actually enjoy going on holiday!

sorry if I got it wrong and you are not going on holiday. Just saw someone wished you good luck

Thanks, fumble, I am off on holiday today. My irises still haven't flowered so I will miss it now Ah well, there's always next year.

Reading through some of the literature I think I have a mix of aspie traits and add traits, probably neither bad enough for a diagnosis of the condition, but together they cause me a lot of problems. The add side is basically, very forgetful and disorganised. I have found some ways to overcome these problems over the years, but sometimes a new situation causes me a lot of difficulty and I am always a bit disorganised, I'm a terrible procrastinator. Then the aspie side is not being very good socially, finding it hard to make friends, not being very good self care, sensitivity to some textures, not liking crowds, liking a lot of time alone and having some very strong special interests. But I do enjoy a bit of socialising and I seem to get on OK with people one to one or in small groups, can talk on the phone. Also I am not a very literal thinker, am OK with sayings and metaphors and so on.

Morning all. Just trying to catch up with the thread.

Eau, hope you enjoy your holiday

I saw my psychotherapist yesterday and broached the subject of ASC. Not that she can diagnose or really say anything much to help, but it has been all I can think of lately so felt like I should talk about it.

I came out of the session feeling a bit shit, tbh. I felt like she thought I was clutching at straws and desperately trying to find a diagnosis to explain my difficulties. She didnt actually say that. Maybe its me projecting. But her probing questions made me feel a bit like that.

She asked me 'if you were diagnosed with Asperger's, what would change?'

I was stumped, really. I waffled a few things about self acceptance and 'finding my people' and then she said something about it 'seeming to be really important to me to find others in similar situations' and offered me group therapy.

I dunno. Its hard to explain the 'lightbulb moments' I have had to other people who dont really get it.

Welcome cherry.

element - I am glad you posted that question. I'm planning to take the Tania marshall list AND some stuff from NAS with me to my psych review, with notes on how I feel I fit. Agree its hard re: triad of impairments. When I get around to sitting down and thinking this through myself, I'll share with you x

cherry, there are some crossover traits between ADHD and ASD. I originally thought I might have ADHD because of my short term memory and organisational problems. What I lack in ADHD symptoms is spontaneity (unless very carefully planned ) and recklessness. I am the complete opposite of that. I can also spend hours doing one of my special interests without noticing but can be very easily distracted when doing something I'm not interested in.

This is a really good introduction to the sort of executive function issues that people with ASD might have.

Sounding, sorry you had such a shit session. Some psychs just don't get it!

She asked me 'if you were diagnosed with Asperger's, what would change?'

Maybe you'd stop lying awake at night wondering why you couldn't do the same things as everyone else, despite trying twice as hard. Maybe you'd stop being so hard on yourself and cut yourself a bit of slack. Maybe you'd find new strategies to help you do things you've always struggled with. Maybe you'd be able to explain a lot of things in the past that have always confused you. Maybe you'd finally have an answer to why you are the way you are. FFS!!!! Everything can bloody change with a diagnosis!!

Sorry, I am off my tits on valium. I hope that made sense.

ADHD is also usually comorbid with something else. For me for example I
am pretty sure I am ADHD (inattentive type, I am not hyperactive, and was never disruptive in school, if anything, I am hypoactive currently!) with a side order of sensory processing disorder, though a much milder case than is usually associated with autism. In fact despite saying I'm not hyperactive, I am never not fidgeting, with my fingers, my tongue, feet, even my jaws, lips, eyebrows, usually more than one at once.

Although I initially identified with a lot of the things on the ASD list, reading a description of ADHD (i) was the proper lightbulb moment for me.

annsautism.blogspot.co.uk/2014/08/autism-in-women.html If it helps, at all.

Since reading these I am pretty convinced my dh is an aspie or very close to being. He is another one with no close friends, although he enjoys some social contact at work. He likes to be on his own a lot. He is a bit literal in interpreting things, especially if tired. He hates crowds and likes to go to the supermarket at 7am when it is quieter. He likes routine and loves to plan things in advance. He doesn't like to travel and gets very cross when driving if other drivers are a bit slow or drive badly. He had to give up a recent job that was too stressful and started working a lower level job on a nightshift so he will have less contact with management. I think he is quite intelligent and especially good at maths, but he dropped out of school at 16 and likes a low pressure job.
Even though it is good that we share some of these preferences for quiet and so on which is good, he can be hard to live with as he is pretty inflexible and bossy. He wakes up early and likes to get everything done by early afternoon, then spend the rest of the day watching TV. I sometimes get bored with it.

Soundingbored I think one thing you would get out of a diagnosis is knowing for sure why you struggle with certain things that someone of your intelligence and ability ought to be able to cope with.

Oh this is awkward. On the last page Bertie suggested posting my list of why I think I fit the Aspie profile but it got passed over - too long & boring? - and I can't c&p my rdos PIC on the tablet. If anyone has a few minutes to have a look I'd be greatful
Sorry to be so needy!

grateful ffs. Nerves affecting spelling!

Sorry giddy I thought I'd replied, I remember typing the reply and everything!

A lot of what you said sounds like me (even down to the IBD!). So I'd say it's definitely worth going to the GP with it. Can you sort your list into the areas of the triad? Communication, social interaction and social imagination. So eg need for routines comes under social imagination. The NAS site might help there.

Maybe you could take a copy of your rdos score as further evidence?

And finally think of some real life examples of where things on your list have interfered with everyday life, to provide evidence that these things affect you more than they would an NT.

Sorry Giddy - I did see it but I've just been to exhausted to sit down and go through it. I'll defo have a look at the weekend (starts tomorrow here, yay!) but I'm dead today.

Thank you both :) I will have a crack at sorting it into the triads. I did put examples in my list but took them out for MN because they'd be quite identifying. I don't think many people share such specific foibles!

You'll probably find some things don't go into the triads, so you'll need a fourth part for everything else. Things like IBD and sensory issues- they are very common in people with ASD but don't form part of the diagnostic criteria.

Sensory issues are now part of the diagnostic criteria by most of the specialists in this country, but more informally - until the ICD11 stuff is properly in place. They are in the US version already, thankfully.