Support thread for women with suspected/diagnosed/self-diagnosed ASD or ADHD

[EauRouge]

Previous thread here.

Hello all, I know I'm new but the old thread was full, so here's a shiny new one. This is a thread for adult women who have ASD or ADHD, or suspect they do, to support each other.

Here are some resources that might be useful:

Links

List of female AS traits by Tania Marshall.

Article about women and girls on the spectrum by NAS.

List of female traits by Everyday Aspergers

Musings of an Aspie- Cynthia Kim's blog (one of the few sources I have found about being a parent with Aspergers)

Autistic Women's Collective

Recognising ADHD in women from ADDitude Magazine

Resources for women with ADHD from ADDitude Magazine

Adult ADHD support (coming soon by the looks of things)

Books

Aspergirls by Rudy Simone

The Complete Guide to Aspergers Syndrome by Tony Attwood

You Mean I'm Not Lazy, Stupid or Crazy?!: The Classic Self-help Book for Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder by Kate Kelly (I haven't read this one but I have heard it recommended many times- apologies if it's no good!)

Online tests

(Online tests are not 100% certain but can give you a very good idea and a starting point for talking to your GP if you're seeking diagnosis)

RDOS Aspergers quiz (the best one IMO)

AQ test

ADHD test

ADHD questionnaire for women

Info dump complete

Please come and join in!

That chair thrower comment made me smile. I threw a chair a couple of times at secondary school but I only ever got in trouble for it. At primary school I was a cryer rather than a chair thrower.

Glad you could join us, BatFoxHippo :)

I've had a really fantastic week with trips out all going well, I haven't really lost my temper with the DDs, had a gig last night that I wasn't that nervous about (it went well!). But I almost don't like it when I feel this happy because I don't feel like I can control it and I feel like any minute I might just start running around and jumping up and down and squeaking. Anyone else feel like this?

I was a chair thrower, stormer outer, swearer, cryer, self harmer and I managed to get through school with a grand total of 0 detentions and 0 concerns being raised.

(((Buffy)). It is so hard sometimes. I have been in the house alone since Tuesday and mostly enjoying the solitude. I have spoken briefly to a few people but that is it. Mostly talking to the cat who is deaf as a post!!

Strange as it may sound to NT, I get most contentedness from feeling organised, pottering and placing things in a proper place, but it never lasts and chaos resumes.

At least we have each other on here. I don't know what I would do without this thread and time and time again I am struck by how bright and intelligent you all sounds. And kind and sensitive. My kind of people. :)

Hi there. I've been reading this thread with interest, I hope you don't mind me off-loading a bit here? I have a private ASD assessment arranged for next week and am starting to seriously panic about it. I have been compiling a document outlining my MH history, problems with education/employment etc and it is so difficult and painful going over these things again. I want to have a reasonably detailed written account though in case I fall apart in the appointment. I just feel so sick with worry. In addition, Dd1 has been having probs at school so we are seeing the EP after the Easter hols. Her probs are very similar to what I experienced at school. It just all feels a bit much and the waiting and trying to second-guess what's going to happen is really hard.

Thanks Buffy (I've NCd btw, I'm normally a bearded Greek man found lurking in FWR)

Your situation sounds shit, don't apologise for sharing. The uncertainty is so hard. Take care x

That sounded unnecessarily creepy! Hope you know what I mean/who I am

Hello Zing. Good luck with your assessment. If the person you are seeing is experienced in adult ASD assessments then I'm sure they will put you at ease. If, like me, you've been through a lot of unhelpful MH diagnoses with the NHS then I can understand why it's nerve-wracking.

Buffy, I hope you manage to get some relaxation soon. Have you tried any sensory phone apps? Or shut the curtains and put some songs on, that often helps when I get to sensory/emotional overload level.

Is anyone else a bit pissed off with all this autism awareness stuff? I dunno. I feel like I should be grateful but it's weird all the NT people campaigning for awareness and it feels like people with autism aren't included in any of it.

I am not brave enough to say any of this in chat or AIBU. I hope I don't get flamed for saying it here because I'm actually pretty upset about it.

Buffy, I find I cope a lot worse with stress when my senses (mainly hearing) are overloaded. My DD1 talks a lot and I find I can't do some things or really struggle and get stressed if I try to listen to her at the same time. Also if I have to do a lot of transitioning between tasks, that sends my stress sky-high and I can't cope with things that I may have been able to cope with if I'd been in a different environment.

I've just been having a look at the acceptance movement and I do prefer it. I've had to turn FB off today because I got really upset at someone commenting on one of my autism posts, spouting a load of stats about autism and saying how he's been on an awareness course. He doesn't know I have autism. I just had a bit of a cry about it. I'm probably being oversensitive.

I think there is a lot of that kind of thing around. It's difficult because people mean well but - just check your privilege and make sure you're not being patronising, FGS. I suppose that the other issue is that a lot of autism awareness is done by NT parents or relatives of children who are quite profoundly autistic (I hope that is the right word, if not I sincerely apologise.) and who might not actually be able to speak up for themselves. I don't know that it would be fair to assume that "high functioning" (for want of a better phrase) people with autism or ASD should be the only voice for autism in general.

A friend of mine is a sign language interpreter. She is Hearing but she is very close to the Deaf community of course and one of our mutual friends posted the Samsung video thinking she might like it. (For those who have not seen it, it's an ad where members of a village in Turkey learn sign language for a day so that a Deaf man goes about his everyday business and is surprised to find that everybody communicates with him.) At first glance, heartwarming - but friend posted a video in response which was made by an actual Deaf person where he points out everything that is wrong with it and how if they had actually bothered to speak to one person within the Deaf community, it would have been made a whole lot differently. The response is (you don't really need to have seen the original vid). I found it really eye opening and I hadn't really thought about things that way before but of course, he's absolutely spot on.

Eau I'm sure you're not being oversensitive. Bloke was being very undersensitive there I reckon!

zinglebert I know it's hard, but try not to over prepare! As someone else said, the assessment is as much about how you respond (non verbal behaviour) as it is what you say.

I went with a few bullet points prepared showing how I felt I met each of the diagnostic criteria, but he was very adept at putting me at ease and getting the information out of me and I didn't refer to my notes once.

Bertie, I agree absolutely that parents and other family members of children with autism (or family members that may not be able to speak for themselves) should be involved.

I'm getting myself all worked up about it now. I am probably just reading everything wrong. Imagine that! I think I should have the night off and eat too much junk food and watch a movie. Thanks for the flowers :)

Thanks everyone. The main person conducting the assessment has excellent credentials and a particular interest in diagnosis of adult females so it should be fine in that respect. And yes, I don't want to be 'over-rehearsed'. I am unable to ask either of my parents to engage with the process so I'm trying to think back to childhood/adolescence and remember what happened, who I was, it's really hard. DH and I have been together for years so he has been asked to fill in the AQ and EQ about me, but he has found it very difficult because the questions are annoying. We've lived together for so long he's lost sight of whether the accommodations he makes for me are 'normal' or not, iykwim? This process seems to have brought us closer together though, as I've been talking to him about lots of things that I have not previously divulged and he's been so caring. I find myself saying to him quite a bit at the moment "so when x happens and I do y, is that weird? Do other people do that?" etc.

2 more weeks! Why's it taking so long? I hope the stress eases soon. Have you got any Sudocrem for the eczema?

I'm feeling a bit better today. I managed to spend a couple of hours alone up at the allotment and it's relaxed me/worn me out (potato digging! I've got blisters on my blisters).

Does anyone mind if I ask MNHQ to move this thread to SN chat?

How long have you been waiting buffy? And what stage are you at? Once I got going, my referral was really quick, 6 weeks to initial appointment, given questionnaires and posted them back, then 6 weeks to second appointment where I received a diagnosis.

The long bit was getting the GP to refer me and get in the system.

To put that in perspective, I had a neurology appointment a couple of weeks before I got my GP to put in the referral, i had a diagnostic test done, and am still waiting for an appointment to discuss the results of the test! So 5 months total for appointment-test-appointment in neurology, compared with 3 months in mental health.