Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

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Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

Hi, hope no one minds if I add a few things.

I have a DS with a HFA DX. For years I suspected it came from DH's family as there are many many traits there. However, more and more I am looking at myself too.

I was the weird child who never fitted in, I 'magpie' other people's phrases and I do the accent thing. I am completely out of step as regards fashion, grooming etc. I spend huge amounts of my time ascribing feelings to others - usually negative. I assume everyone is pissed off with me. I claim to be able to know they feel like that but I don't.

I cannot cope with big tasks. I become hopelessly overwhelmed by keeping the house under control and only survive because I write myself lists. Like my DS the phrase 'tidy the living room' can reduce me to a flapping mess but if I tell myself I am going to pick up all the toys first then I can get it done.

I have ways to do things and get very upset if they are not done my way. DH cannot help me clean a room because he does it wrong!

I forget things very easily. I feel lonely all the time but have very few friends. I am mess of anxiousness.

I score 35 on the AQ online test. I've not done the other one. Was there a link higher up the thread?

My Dad is a remarkably intelligent man, a composer of music. His social skills are very lacking. My mum, who divorced him, maintains that he was emotionally abusive to her. I can see how she felt that way BUT a lot of his behaviour was born out of anxiety in social situations. His family just saw it as his way and he was never helped to behave more appropriately.

I have huge Sensory issues, especially with noise and clothing. DD is the same.

142 on the raids test.

High scores for sensory stuff.

Neverput - I totally understand the "he's not doing it right" feeling wrt housework. My Ex and I STILL argue over this when he's here with the DC's. He has ASD too, and we clash a LOT on this - he gets flappy because I don't do it 'right' and I get flappy because HE doesn't do it 'right'.

Any wonder we can't live together??!!

So I get 199 on the rads test and 43 on the AQ.

Anyone got a link to the EQ or the films one?

What I find is that the. bits of DS's behaviour I mind are the ones where others are affected.
So, I stress about him exploding because others might get hurt but him not wanting to play outside in the -noisy hell that is the- playground? Meh, his choice. Him walking away from people when they are mid sentence - not good. Him not wanting to work collaberatively with a group? Meh, I'd hate it too!

Same with DD. Her going out bare legged worries me cos she'll get cold. Her refusing to wear the school tie? Meh, stupid to make a 6 year old wear a tie anyway.

I can identify with a lot of that as well, never. It's actually really helpful for you to write that. I think I'm getting to the point where I feel I might talk to my GP about this. So anything that helps me clarify my own thoughts is helpful.

I have some sensory issues but not huge ones. I do tend to buy my clothes by touch and have rejected clothes for not feeling right. I also tend to like/crave foods by texture rather than taste.

In terms of sight/sounds anything plain is fine as are quite ordered patterns. Have problems with stuff that looks or sounds quite 'busy'. Almost like there's too much info to process and I can't cope with it. I'm not sure if that's just me or whether it might be an ASD thing though. I don't seem to be able to filter stuff out so I see/hear everything. The question on the AQ that I though dealt with that actually scores you for is disagreeing with it though so I'm not sure where I stand with that.

I've just done the RAAD test and scored 161, and 41 on the other one. That was a surprise.

I'm wondering if any of you can answer this. Where I work there is always a big push for new ideas, and initiative, and I just don't have it at all. I never have, right from "interpretation" in ballet class, to any "think of a...". I can't think of fancy dress ideas, and if I had an idea to start with I wouldn't be able to work out how to actually do it.

I got through school because you get told what to write about. At 11 I wrote about 400 pages on a story called "My own Island". If they'd said write about anything you like I wouldn't have been able to get started. But even at O level (I'm that old) the task always had a heading.

Is there a word for a lack of ideas? Is it ASD related? It is frustrating because it's holding me back.

I relate to that. I have been told that I can write achingly well. I have been told I should write a novel. But I cannot think of ideas and I can't plan and develop a plot. If I have a plot idea and a plan provided I can write brilliantly.

Maybe I need to team up with an ideas bod!

I just found you guys. Great, great to meet you all.

I have a question about Tatiana's website though. When I read through this extensive list of characteristics female Aspies share, I cannot help bu think that she is describing a significant part of the human population: INTROVERTS. Where exactly is the Asperger's part of it?

Also, the AQ test some of you refer to, is it online?

Also, is there a glossary somewhere that explains what is dd, ds, dh and so forth. (I am in the U.S., maybe it has to do with that? Or I am just not used to the lingo. Sorry.)

I've not seen the RAADS test before. I scored 132. When I did the AQ, a couple of years ago, I was in the high 30s.

Thanks Polter. The thread on WP - wow, so depressing. Luckily we have come a long way since 2007 in our understanding of introversion.

As to your question if I think I have AS, I'm not sure. Besides being extremely uncomfortable in certain social situation, there is more going on that I can't quite put my finger on. A certain rigidity in my thinking and feeling, and my lack of interest in close human relationships, for starters. When I was younger I thought I had that interest but now I don't have it, and even back then I might have held this belief erroneously, or rather, imagining myself like everybody else and only circumstances or bad luck or whatever have you were a hindrance on my having the kinds of relationships I thought I wanted. (Does this make sense?)

I took the Aspie test. I had actually taken it before. Both times I scored 37. The RAADS test was weird. I don't really agree with "Never true" and True. What about "sometimes true" etc. It just wasn't nuanced enough IMO. I scored 119 on that one. BTW who on earth remembers in minute detail what they were like before the age of 16?

The trouble with all this is that it doesn't make a lick of difference whether I am an Aspie or not, except for the sake of self-knowledge. Being me is a lonely business, and there is no cure and no pill for whatever you want to call it, social phobic, introvert, Aspie, or who knows what else....

roi3ek- I seeked and got a diagnosis of Asperger syndrome last year after my son was diagnosed. I don't think that a diagnosis only makes a difference for the sake of self-knowledge. There was so much of myself that I was not aware of (I think that can happen a lot with people on the spectrum). The diagnosis gave me confirmation that what I read on ASD applied to me and therefore I have learned so much about myself. I am much happier than I was because I have found so much in life that I enjoy. I still have bad days where I feel very isolated but I have much more good days than bad. Also the diagnosis confirmed that other people (and a lot of them) have the same feelings, this has helped me not feel so lonely…)

Of course you could be social phobic, introvert and Aspie…and there is no magic pill but there is help out there….

I am reading this www.amazon.co.uk/Aspergers-Syndrome-Mindfulness-Taking-Refuge/dp/1843106868/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1392713636&sr=8-2&keywords=asperger+and+mindfulness

anybody read it?

Thanks, Molly, I'll take a look at that.

I think what I was reacting to was that people mostly comment on how an Asperger's diagnosis explained their social awkwardness etc., but there is more to Asperger's than that. What about repetitive behavior, obsession with numbers, etc. Without there being this repetitive obsessive preoccupation with certain objects, ideas or activities, I maintain that what some people think is autism is really something else.

No it's not, except in the sense that repetitive obsessive behavior invariably leads to social/communication difficulties.

In the U.S., the criteria for mental disabilities are laid out in a "mental health bible", a manual called the DSMV, which currently is in its 5th revised edition. You can see the definition here: www.aspergerssyndromeparent.com/autism-behaviors.html.

I tried to find the definition used in the UK which goes by the World Health Organization's definition, and that does seem to be broader and doesn't require the repetitive spastic part. Whether that's doing a service to anybody I don't know.

Exactly, polter you learn to find a niche where those are useful. I work in a role that has a lot of links with QA/QC. Following SOPs, ensuring numbers are within limits etc. I can do that fine so it doesn't interfere with work. In fact it makes me look very good at my job. Put me somewhere that would require a bit more flexibility and I'd sink. I can't work out what's expected of me. You know where you are with numbers and limits.

There's also the growing body of evidence that autism presents differently in females and the female brain that some of the behaviours that people might consider as 'stereotypically' autistic may not be present or look different in female adult.

The DSMV doesn't require all the criteria to be met either. So it is possible to be diagnosed with autism and not have the obsessive interests in objects or an obsession with numbers. Or in fact any interest in numbers.