Support thread for women who suspect or know they have ASD traits or are on the spectrum

[OxfordBags]

Hello, all! As the title says, I hope this can be a support thread for those of us who suspect or know we have some (or many) Aspergic traits; where we can share experiences, stories, problems, worries, knowledge and info, and hopefully benefit and help each other too.

I found a great link a while ago that is very comprehensive in its description of how Asperger's presents in women and how women experience it. Some of it is strikingly different from the male model and how most people perceive Asperger's. Here: ASD in women

I truly believe two things: 1) that ASD in females is woefully misunderstood and under-diagnosed and 2) that our current understanding and the definition of the AS Spectrum is, in itself, rather ASD in its rigidity, and that there is an actual spectrum of traits much broader and more nuanced than the current model, and that there are a hell of a lot of people struggling with some very typical ASD traits, who nevertheless do not have all the traits required to fulfil a formal diagnosis of having Asperger's or High-Functioning Autism.

So, with that rather typically ASD-style long-winded and unnecessarily detailed intro out of the way, let's chat!

Logic I can do. Handholding, not so good

I spent all morning running errands and had one dis-spiriting exchange with strangers after the other. On my drive home I went over those encounters again, and really - I have a problem, alright. One of the things I do is I have this emphatic way of expressing myself so that the other person gets it exactly right. I want there to be no room for error whatsoever, because if they get it wrong it makes me really really mad. I swear, I am able to antagonize a counter person just by ordering a bagel! This is nuts! If I could just chill.....

Also, when I give driving directions to someone, I describe all the landmarks in extreme detail so that they don't lose their way. To me, that is completely natural and valuable information, but I have been told otherwise. :(

Holey I'm the same. I even managed to talk a counsellor into saying the only thing I needed was assertiveness training after proving a extensively detailed and researched monologue on a serious mental health issue I had whilst at uni. Not sure the poor guy knew what had hit him. I most definitely needed serious help at the time not assertiveness training!

Oh, wow... I think this is the first time I look at my communication "style" dispassionately and I can actually see what's happening.

Lol, polter, you hit the nail on the head: they have to acknowledge explicitely that they understood what I said. And if they don't give me that satisfaction I just go on and on about it. I did that as a child too. I remember my mother had a way of going about her business while I talked and talked, and I needed some kind of reaction from her, and she just wouldn't deliver. That was so disconcerting....

and I frequently repeat myself if the other person doesn't explicitly acknowledge what I've said

This x 1000. I'm trying to stop, but I don't know I'm doing it until after I do it and someone picks me up on it. It's not really helping on the whole 'anxious' about things front. People think I'm worrying about stuff because I keep repeating something and I'm thinking 'no you just didn't say you heard me or understood'.

Does anyone else start conversations halfway through. A bit like the first bit plays out in my head, or I'm thinking something. And then I say the next bit out loud to somebody. It's not until they ask what I'm talking about that I realise they won't know the first bit or what I'm talking about.

I think I MN a bit like that too.

I have something similar. I do care but I don't think to ask. I just assume they will know I care. So I have to do the same thing of remembering the fact and consciously thinking about asking/knowing what I need to ask. Sometimes I can actually do quite a good job at not being completely socially inept.

Whereas I am interested but have no idea about how to ask without 'overdoing' it and appearing a bit obsessive.

It certainly is exhausting.

I frequently repeat myself if the other person doesn't explicitly acknowledge what I've said

Roi, Poulter, Rafa - Have you learned how to do conversational 'tie-downs? They are mostly phrases like "Isn't it? Doesn't it?" etc, and also "What do you think?" or "Do you find the same thing?" All ways of punctuating your speech by calling on the listener's attention. Additionally, I make liberal use of "Does that make sense?" type tie-downs, as I have a tendency to vomit words at high speed sometimes.

I learned a ton of this stuff in sales training, it's been my saviour.

I think I'm sort of teaching myself them. Or at least some of them. In the same way I think I might have taught, myself to make some eye contact when talking to people.

Actually in an odd way I think internet forums have helped with this. The conversation moves slower so you have time to think a bit before responding.

Forums do help, don't they, Rafa?

^^ see what I did there

Ha garlic I do that. It's easier to echo stuff if I don't know what to say!

Can I ask how you all get on with your mums? I am starting to suspect my mum has a form of neurological difference (I am not sure if it is ADD, ASD or both-I have both) , our relationship is not good and highly unusual?