Live webchat with Fiona Millar, Tuesday 3rd March, 1-2pm

[RachelMumsnet]

Fiona Millar will be visiting us at Mumsnet Towers for a live webchat on Tuesday 3rd March between 1 and 2pm. Her book The Secret World of the Working Mother: Juggling Work, Kids and Sanity will be out on Thursday 5th March. Fiona is a well-known journalist, educational campaigner and mother of three. If you can't join us on Tuesday, post your questions in advance on this thread.

Thanks for the answers re Tanya Byron. I wasn't meaning to disparage her, I just wondered what her background was. I did feel a little sceptical about her apppointment to head the internet inquiry. But actually the combination of legit clinical psychology status and 'celebrity' was prob quite a good one for mobilising a good response for the inquiry.

Not a problem I think that her specicalism was not directly that of the inquiry. Part of the problem with 'surrendering' to academics might be the loss of a valuable generalist perspective on speiclist issues -- otherwise these can come to be viewed in increasingly technical ways, possibly distorted by the the dynamics internal to an academic industry.

I agree about there being internal dynamics within academia, which do have a profound influence.

Right, I've read a bit more such as the Times interview mentioned earlier and in that FM says:

?You have to have the right kind of childcare arrangements. If you can find a nursery or a nanny that the kids really love, everything is simpler.?

So my earlier question becomes more relevant. We do not have access to childcare for my eldest son because of his disability. This is not me feeling sorry for myself, or me being too precious- this is just a simple fact. He cannot go to mainstream schemes, even with 1:1 support and the one suitable scheme in the city run by a special school residential unit provides 6 places a day - so we are able to access it on average once a week during school holidays. There is no after school care. He's 9 now and I cannot see this changing during his childhood. Other people will struggle to access a good nursery or nanny because of financial constraints.

So what then - what if there is no 'have to' about it? What if you cannot find the right kind of childcare arrangements either because they're out of reach financially or because they simply don't exist. What would be the advice to someone in this situation?

Why the FURY at someone daring to write a book about how women juggle their lives?

You can't moan about policy makers and people not taking women's chaotic lives seriously and then MOAN MOAN MOAN when someone writes a book about it. How many books do you think there are on diets, or how to dress nice? How many column inches are dedicated to shitty style "isshoes"? But when someone writes about motherhood we are standing on the sidelines shouting "BOOORING!" and accusing them of being money-grabbing greedy bastards. WTF? I think they should be applauded for bringing these issues to the table. I would be VERY HAPPY for there to be no diet books whatsoever and bookshops stuffed with books debating women's lives - which is a zillion times more important.

No of course one book can't cover all the issues and provide magical solutions for every person. Don't be so fecking ridiculous. But if it is enabling people to think about and debate how women's lives and mother's lives are run, then surely that is bloody fantastic?

But these books tend to cover a very unrepresentative sample of womanhood, of relatively high earning urban professionals. Who we read a lot about in the media already anyway. Now if it was a live chat with Rosa Ehrenreich or Polly Toynbee I would be much more interested as I feel they have made more of an effort to look at the less glamourous and less highlighted world of the minimum wage earner.

Message withdrawn

Fiona Millar just speaking on Woman's Hour - I'm finding her very good. I'm sure it will be a good webchat.

Hang on my comment is not to request a magical solution. I am a little about 'find the right childcare' as that's a) rather obvious and b) not available to many woman for many different reasons. The Times article appears to suggest that's the key - the solution. I am asking about situation when - for reasons outside a mother's control that isn't an available solution.

I think its a perfectly reasonable question.

After all this hoo-ha have just looked the book up and what should I find but a quote from St Tanya of Byron

"Fiona Millar's excellent and well researched book is a must read for every working mother and for all those who will be joining the ranks of female jugglers and plate spinners. It answers many questions, it offers many solutions and most importantly, being underpinned by case studies and Fiona's own honest assessment of her juggling ability, it offers validation and reassurance to us all that it is okay to drop some of the balls some of the time".

• Dr Tanya Byron, Clinical Psychologist, television presenter and columnist

tee hee!

pruners- thanks for getting the name right, I meant barbara, not rosa -aaaaargh.

Message withdrawn

God,I 've gone right off Tanya Byron after that cliche ridden mouthful.

I don't object to people making money.

I don't object to ads.

I don't object to (ludicrous) books about 'juggling' and 'balancing acts' and 'dropping balls' (even though my lip curls in a reflexive response at their mention).

I don't object to political diaries/tomes.

I don't particularly object to Fiona Millar.

Heavens, everyone has something interesting to say. By my bedside I have a book on unconditional parenting by Alfie Kohn (loadashite), an autobiography by a fugitive Mormon married to a pluralist (riveting) Skinner's seminal tome 'Verbal Behaviour', a history of ship building in Porthmadog in the 19 century and 'Red' magazine (complete shite).

I do object to all of the above being foisted onto us by stealth in a 'Chat' part of an internet forum.

MrsTurnip, I would raise your very valid points on an internet forum such as the Yahoo ABA: UK group. All manner of fantastic peopel post there who are real movers and shakers. They discuss issues such as yours. No spin, just action.
Best of luck.
It's a really shit sitauation to be in.

I do agree with mreturnip here (and to an extent moondog earlier on)

the bits quoted do seem to boil down to find childcare and be organised.

well, duh

I too am in the position of having a child not able to access childcare/playschemes.

so, other than "juggling" - hard to do when there is nothing to juggle - what are the solutions? surely this is a relevant question for someone who is coming along to help us fond the solution?

I posted my message above re FM on Woman's Hour before I read the whole thread.

Gosh! Why are people so annoyed? IMO this is a debate about the rights of women to express views in a public forum - either in the paper or on the internet.

Plus, there is some residual annoyance amongst posters that FM is sufficiently well-connected or talented or worthy (depending on how you see it) to be able to get paid for espousing her views.

But the papers and glossies are full of women getting paid to espouse their views or describe their experiences of motherhood. Some of their reflections I find useful and interesting (because they seem to compare to my life or they reveal something that I didn't know before, about how other people live). Some of them I find dull and smug. I can't remember the name of the woman who's written a book for wealthy-ish SAHMs called something like 'How To Be A Yummy Mummy' ... but there she is again, gracing the pages of Grazia, airing her views - I find it the ultimate irony that she earns money by explaining to other women how to be a successful SAHM (bit like the televangelist's wife in Margaret Atwood's book The Handmaid's Tale).

One thing I've found particularly irritating since I got pregnant is other women telling me how I should act/feel. I'm assuming there will only be more of this once the baby emerges. How best to deal with it? Filter it all out, bar the useful bits, of course (although this is harder than it sounds).

I had a look at Julia Frogspawn's press interviews - I thought a couple of the things she said were useful and the rest not.

I'm sure FM will be the same - although as I write above I thought she was quite good just now on Woman's Hour.

It's true - her thoughts will probably only resonate with middle-class or urban professional working women. But that's OK by me - I'm one. And I am really interested to know how she thinks people can help improve their local schools. That benefits everyone - not just middle class parents with a liberal conscience.

Someone on this thread said 'where are the books for shift working women etc'? Good point - I don't know what's out there as I'm not in that category. Is there a demand for that book (or that TV series or website)? If so, I hope a publisher or producer is reading and will commission someone to write or produce it.

So FM, come to the webchat and do your worst!

Well, this is fun.

She sounded very good on Woman's Hour. Didn't even punch the lovely Jane Garvey when she said 'So your children must have suffered a lot - how guilty do you feel about that?' I'm very impressed that lots of people have the time and energy to get so - well, engaged with this whole FM debate.

Juggling is an annoying word. But it is a word used - rightly or wrongly - for the minutiae of day to day micro-decisions that parents make. Mumsnet are quite clear that she has a book out in their original post, so people who are not a fan of that sort of publicity can stay away, surely?

I have been ROFL at Moondog and morningpaper's posts You guys are hilarious. I'm thinking some kind of live TV debate Obama/McCain style, with BoffinMum and MitochondrialEve as vice presidential stylie back up. (I have tonsillitis, and am delirious, can you tell?)

I don?t understand why you think it is ?foisted on us under the guise of chat? Moondog. The op is very upfront in stating the FM has a book out. I think we can draw our own conclusions regarding her motives for doing this.

But I think she?s an interesting person, who has balanced a hugely high-profile career with a family, a partner with an even higher profile (and a history of mental illness) plus her other activities. Unlike many people on here she?s seeing it from the other end ? ie her kids are almost grown up ? so I would be interested in her perspective on that. She?s been doing this for 20 years and I don?t imagine she?s been in her current privileged position politically or financially for the whole of that time ? for some of it her partner was unable to work at all.

Another question for Fiona Millar:

Does your partner do as much of this 'juggling' as you do? And if he doesn't, why doesn't he and how do you feel about it?

For those wanting to discuss the procedure for Mumsnet webchats, we've posted here.

Fiona

I am struggling to push certain projects forward at our local primary school (out of hours care, school meals) as we have come up against the immoveable lump that is our local council planning department (the school is in an area of outstanding natural beauty). Where and how am I best off targetting my efforts to make changes?

Thank you

lol fio

Dear Fiona

I really admire you for sending your children to your local state school. Now that your son is at Oxford, could you persuade the rest of the population to consider the fact that sending their child to the possibly crap local school is not necessarily a one way ticket to doom and despair.

I have been ignoring this thread for days as I have no interest in Fiona Millar. However, I underestimated the massed posse of MN who have had a fascinating discussion. I am with moondog, BM et al: I am fed up with slebs and other London-centric types telling us how it is and I wish there was more intelligent, informed debate.

"That's not 'juggling', that's delegating with style (to paraphrase Buzz Lightyear)" Brilliant, Polyfilla

UQD "Should all children go to their local catchment school?" It's a nice ideal but the world isn't an idealistic place. If a school gets pupils without trying then it, erm, stops trying (I speak from experience). A little competition with its neighboours keeps a school on its toes.

My own pedantic question: do you think that it is a basic job requirement that teachers should have a good grasp of spelling and grammar?

Another Q:
As your children are now all growed up, what are their thoughts about the various types of arrangements that you have had? What did they prefer?

(I say this as I have a six year old who pines for her nursery days )