Organise your life - live chat with parenting coach, Judy Reith, Monday 19th March, 9pm.

[AbbyMumsnet]

On Monday 19th March, from 9-10pm, we'll be hosting a live chat with parenting coach, Judy Reith. New research by Horlicks shows that many women can't remember the last time they had a good night's sleep, so Judy will be offering tips on how to organise your life so that you can fit in enough quality sleep and have more energy for the demands of family life. If you can't make the chat you can post your questions in advance here.

Hope to see you here on Monday.

Damn - I was hoping you'd have some fabulous idea re early waking. Will take your advice and go to bed myself so I'm nice and alert for Cbeebies at 6am.

Hi Malaleche
just wondering if you would fancy making a note over the next few days about what it is that makes you blow up, and when, and how you were feeling at the time. Sometimes it's really helpful to keep a journal like this - make it easy and interesting, not depressing! You can see if any pattern emerges and begin to work on your own pause button... so you can control that outburst. It might be that you notice you're more likely to explode over teatime, or when you have said the same thing 50 times and you're being ignored. Loads of mums find tiredness is the single biggest cause for losing patience and then we end up exploding at the ones we love the most. We've all done this kind of explosion, but instead of feeling guilty, what can you do instead to recognise your triggers? What pushes your buttons, and how can you find your pause button ? Let us know how you get on - you can do it!

Hi Saffy1. Wow you sound so rushed off your feet and I imagine there are lots of other mumsnetters who feel like you as well. Mums are experts at overfilling the hours in the day and lurching between work, children and home commitments without coming up for air. Your husband is around to help out, but it sounds like you?re doing the lion?s share and ending up exhausted which is no good for you, and those you love. It?s great that you want to get some help though, and imagine how you want to run your life, rather than dwelling on how it really is at the moment.
You cover quite a lot of areas in your message, so in order to try and work out how to move forwards and make your life better, it would be great to list the major areas of your life ? e.g home, work, kids, me, health, finance, time? see if you can come up with about 8. Then, give them each a score out of 10 in terms of how satisfied you are in that area. (10 would mean completely satisfied, nothing to improve on, and 1 would be the opposite.)
That should highlight which area needs the most attention to work on first.
Also, if you made some changes in one area, which would have the most positive effect on you? Is it finding time to get some new clothes, or is it committing to being in bed half an earlier for a week? Lots of Mums are still writing lists as they clean their teeth at night ? what is your own bedtime routine like?? Calm and relaxing ? Only you can answer this Saffy! You owe it to yourself to press your own ?pause button ? here and take a good look at your life to make the changes you can . Have a go at setting yourself some achievable goals in each area ? take a small but positive step and decide when you are going to do each action. Commit to tackling one area a day for the next 7 days and see what that brings and how it makes you feel. Be quite detailed about it, - what is realistic and where in your whole day can you adjust things to find time. You can do this, and there are loads of other Mums out there willing you to get on top of this ? go for it !

Hmmm, thanks for reminding me of this Judy - i had to keep a journal last year when i was having my head shrunk. It was full of control-freak attitudes of mine which contributed to me giving my partner a hard time 24/7.
I think i tend to blow up when im desperate for daughter to just go to bed/sleep and let my evening begin or when theres something in the back of my mind that im worrying about i.e. tomorrow we have to go and sign a massive loan at the bank...so have underlying stresses that arent even to do with the kids...

Thanks for your message saltire - as it is probably helpful to other mums if we take a look at what to do when our child behaves like your nine year old and we find ourselves getting cross with them whinging and crying. Someone said to me once that ?Behaviour always makes sense? so when we find it hard to take our children?s behaviour seriously, it can be helpful to remember that there is probably an underlying need, and we can have a go at working out what that is and addressing it. So with your little boy, what would you say is the need behind his behaviour when he is crying and whinging? What about when he is angry and hitting out? What does he know about what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviour in your family? Feelings come into this too. For example, it?s OK to feel angry or jealous, but it?s not OK to hit your brother. What could he do if he feels angry that would be OK for you? If he knows what the rules are, then you always have something to refer back to. Funnily enough, parents often find it easier to stay calm too if the rules are clear. . It?s extra tricky if we are not in a good place ourselves to do this. We are more likely to be cross and irritable if we?re too tired or stressed or in need of attention ourselves! What can you do to try and keep yourself calmer when you can see his behaviour escalating? When you see him making some progress, however small, in controlling his anger, it?s great to point that out ? behaviour that is commented on, good or bad, is the behaviour that?s likely to get repeated, so be on the look out for any signs of improvement and tell him what you notice. Finally, do you ever get a chance to spend some time with him on his own? Could you find some time for the two of you to do something enjoyable together? What would it be? I hope that?s of some help to you Saltire ? what do others think?

OOh forgot all about this.
Judith what are your tips for raising a highly sensitive child? My 3 year old dd is very confident at home and around her peers so i'm not worried about the social aspect. Her pre- school teacher says she's like 2 different children the one who plays with her friends laughing and joking and on stage (she was suprisingly very loud and great in the Christmas play) then there's the child who is very, very shy amongst teachers and lacking in confidence so much so that when she asks them if her shoes are on the right feet after gym when they aren't they daren't tell her she's wrong in case she crumbles so have taken to telling her 'yes that's right but just the other way round!'. Should also say she has started to cry going into nursery saying 'one more hug mummy , one more kiss' etc She's fine once she's there. I thought this all may be linked to her having a 15 month old brother who's started walking and talking and that maybe sibling rivalry has kicked in? How can I build her confidence? I do praise her alot but must confess to telling her off alot at home too as she's very stubborn and tantrumy. Sorry that was really long!

Hi Malache again... I hope you go and buy the best notebook you can afford to keep a note of what triggers you off . Also, how about committing to writing in it each day for a week what you have done well as a Mum - I bet you could fill a page with all sorts of things, from smiling at your daughter to taking the trouble to read her a story.
Underlying stress is a big problem for lots of 21c parents - the web is heaving with stress busting tips so have a look around and see what works for you - it will be worth it for all of you.

OOh sorry I called you Judith I meant Judy of course!

Thanks Judy, ive got lots and lots of lovely, empty, notebooks...
Really have to make a start on the baby's scrapbook now before she gets any older

We're afraid that's the end of the live chat now and thanks to everyone for sending in their questions. Judy says that if she wasn't able to answer your queries here tonight (and there was some volume to get through!) then you can contact her via her website - parenting people where she will try to answer your queries (although she can't promise to reply to all) Many thanks to Judy for joining us on Mumsnet and a big thanks also to Horlicks for sponsoring the chat. Remember - after such an exciting evening, if you're feeling the need for a milky drink to wind down, you can send off for your free sample of Horlicks by clicking here

Goodnight all!

thanks very much x

Well, i have loved spending time with you tonight and I wish I could have had time to respond to everyone. You are all doing brilliantly - the fact that you come on a site like this shows you care about your kids and want to do what you can to make sense of the hardest and most important job we do - raising our kids. I'm off to bed... horlicks in hand, and do get back to me at www.parentingpeople.co.uk
night night Judy Reith

Thanks Judy and Mumsnet xxx

Thanks Judy

pah I missed it