Organise your life - live chat with parenting coach, Judy Reith, Monday 19th March, 9pm.

[AbbyMumsnet]

On Monday 19th March, from 9-10pm, we'll be hosting a live chat with parenting coach, Judy Reith. New research by Horlicks shows that many women can't remember the last time they had a good night's sleep, so Judy will be offering tips on how to organise your life so that you can fit in enough quality sleep and have more energy for the demands of family life. If you can't make the chat you can post your questions in advance here.

Hope to see you here on Monday.

ooh will try to make the chat but if not, i am a full time working mum with one baby (9.5 months) and a DH who also works fulltime. We seem to have fallen into a cycle of working, working and working and whilst our baby is thriving and wonderful our relationship is a touch neglected. I also seem to do A LOT more housework etc than DH - how can i achieve some balance and not feel utterly exhausted all the time???

Hi. My second baby is due in just under 2 weeks time and I have a little boy who is almost 4 years old. I know this will be a tough time but would be grateful for any tips for making the transition from one to two children a little easier! I have a lovely relationship with my son and do not want to jeopardise any part of that but am realistic enough to know that my time will be pulled in many directions very soon. I do work part time but am currently on maternity leave. Thankyou!!

Im sure popsycal could do with some advice here....

Question(s) for me though:

How do you deal with a 4 year old, who will shout "No" at simple requests/questions, and then when you 'accept' the "No" as a response, they then have a tantrum because they do actually want whatever it is?

The same 4 year old also becomes hysterical (no exaggeration) if she thinks her little brother is in danger, to the point of causing him harm by dragging him back away from things becuase she thinks whatever he is doing is dangerous. How do we try and stop her over-reacting to these things?

Oh I'd like to know the over protective sibling one too!!!

They arent really sleep related though, granted

Actually, DP would like me to ask you how you stop the same 4 year old from waking him up Every Single Day, at whatever time she feels like getting up (could be 5.30am, could be 7am). She wont ever come to me unless DP is not there, but, more importantly, she wakes up so so early, and will not stay in her room or allow him to carry on sleeping.

My question is a simple one.

Abby why was your comment deleted oh naughty one?

Are you implying that Abby was being stroppy about something (again)

Very interested in this because I have been thinking about consulting a life coach for some time. I have so many issues about my own parenting skills I don?t know where to start. I have two children at primary school. I gave up a good career to be a SAHM and I just don?t feel I?m doing a good enough job. I shout too much at everyone, am inconsistent with discipline, let them watch far too much rubbishy TV, can never think of anything interesting to cook for their tea -- one is a very fussy eater. And all too often I take refuge in the computer when I know I should be interacting with my kids. At times it really gets me down. Is this something life coaching could help me with, or do I need a shrink??! What do you think Judy?

I wasn't being stroppy (VVV, what are you suggesting?) I just was having one of those days when I was trying to do too many things at once and posted completely the wrong thing on this thread instead of another one! So I deleted myself.

Awww no fair!!! We can't do that

(Was just teasing about the being stroppy re the live events thread you started the other day)

T'is ok, didn't take it that personally!

Hi, I'm new to the site so hope I'm doing this right!

My husband and I have 3 little boys (5, 2 and 8 months). The older 2 fight alot and it is driving me mad. I try to give each their own time but with a baby too it's proving hard. I also suffer from an arthritic condition so have bouts of pain and fatigue.

How can I help them to like eachother?! They can get on but seem to be going through a bad patch - the oldest seems to take great pleasure in making the middle one cry and lash out which upsets me as he's not like this with anyone else. Any ideas? Thanks, Loudj

VVV - yours is easy, just assume when he says no he means yes. But delay the response for 10 minutes. (ie do you want a bath ? NO! (Assume he means yes please, but wait 10 mins before attempting to run the bath for the idea to really gel..) It's so infuriating..my ds was particulary bad (good?) at this. He was like Andy in Little Britain. 'Want That one. Are you sure? Yes..... Dont wannit.''

Ah, see, any response will cue a tantrum fmf. Doesnt matter what it is

sounds horribly familiar. Would it help to know it does pass? Eventually....

My question is very much the same as others...

How do I find time to lavish attention on to my potty training dd (2 and a half) and new(ish)born (3 months) AND keep the house tidy?

Also - I have fallen into the trap of offering a sweet as a reward for wees on the potty, stickers do not seem to have the same pull. We make a fuss and kiss her and phone the GParents each time. How do I wean her off of the sweet reward?

Hello Judy!
What do you think of parenting shows such as Nanny911 and Supernanny and do you think the nannies theories and practises on these shows are acheiveable as a busy, rushed parent in the real world?

Hello Judy,

I have fallen into the pattern of my own mother (which I hated her for, as a child & still resent as an adult) which is...I get up in the air very easily, shout alot at little things, very easily irritated by my children at the moment. Then I beat myself up about how I have spoke to them. So I feel a vicious circle going on at the moment.

I would love to have a calm approach to things & have more patience with doing things with both of my children.
Thankyou X

Hi Judy,

I'm really struggling with my daughter (2.9) and son (12 months). My DD is terribly jealous of her brother, and it seems to be getting worse rather then better. She will take every opportunity to push him over and snatch anything he has out of hs hands, even if the poor kid is carrying 'round a sock or something! She seems to be snatching more and more from other children who come to play as well.

She is sucking her thumb more and more, and is more clingy lately, so is obviously not feeling secure.

We have tried a sticker chart, lots of praise, time outs, and ignoring her. Recently I, like many other posters have said, am doing an awful lot of shouting. DD is doing an awful lot of ignoring. This makes me so angry and I shout some more.

Its not the mother I want to be, and our ome is not the happy relaxed place I want it to be.

Any tips on how to deal with the ignoring, the agro towards her brother, and my anger and shoutiness?

Thanks
Astro

Good evening everyone and welcome to this live web chat with me, Judy Reith , a parent coach, but most importantly a Mum of 3 kids. When my kids were little, I found being a mum the best and worst thing that had ever happened to me, and in sometimes I still feel that way. Kids come without an instruction book, and although it was helpful talking to other Mums (and this was pre-internet days) it was going on a parenting course that really turned our family life round ? so much so that I trained to run them myself. Over the years, it has been a fantastic privilege to run courses and workshops for all kinds of parents and now I am also qualified to coach parents one to one too. However, I am not a perfect Mum; I am not the expert on your family. You are.
I am here to cheer you on, and pass on some ideas I have harvested from lots of reading and listening to brilliant parents everywhere, just like you. One of the hot topics for mums is not getting enough good sleep, and I bet you have noticed how differently you feel after a good or a bad night and how it affects your parenting. Did you know that a recent survey showed that 1 in 3 of us would rather sleep alone than with our partners so we can get better sleep? So before we all shuffle off to find our PJs, lets get going and see what?s on your agendas tonight. There?s a lot up already, so if we don?t get round to everyone and you?re still keen, go to go to my website www.parentingpeople.co.uk and I?ll do my best to respond.. Here goes!

hello judy

Ello... only on for a bit - cooking dinner

Hi Collette ? there are two things here ? ways to tackle your worries or what will help you get a better night?s sleep? I hope it?s OK with you if we tackle the sleep issue first. Getting a good night?s sleep is vital for us to be able to function well the next day, and research shows that having a good wind down routine can be a big help ? just like we do with our kids ? most families find that bathtime/story/bedtime routine helps settle their kids, and we need our own way to wind down too so our mind relaxes. Our bodies are usually really knackered, so it?s how to shut our minds off that matters! If you are worrying in the night, it can help to jot down what those worries are, and tell yourself you?ll deal with it in the morning. If you?re still awake after 20 minutes, get up and make a warm milky drink and read or listen to music until you feel yourself getting sleepy. Give it a go and what tips do other Mumsnetters have?
In terms of your children squabbling it can help to think about what IS good about their relationship and what you want to see more of. With sibling squabbles it depends what level is going on. I think of it like a thermometer - Cool ? (e.g just bickering) Try and encourage them to sort it out on their own and come and tell you when they have found a solution.
Warm ? listen to both sides and see what suggestions they have and if they can?t agree then suggest they play separately for a while.
Hot ? someone is really hurt (words or fists involved!) so go and separate them. Everyone needs to calm down before you can help them sort out the problem. With your son, again, it?s important to be clear what the rules are in terms of boistrousness (is that the word!)
I believe their relationship is NOT a measure of what kind of a Mum you are. I am sure you are doing the best you can, and sibling squabbles are really normal and actually can help children deal with arguments at school and in later life too. Comment when you can if you notice them caring or sharing with each other too. It?s a big topic Collette ? so E mail again and I can recommend some good books for you if you like.

Hi there flamesparrow? you?ll probably see there?s a common thread here tonight like you ? too much going on and not enough time left for you at the end of the day, and your daughter has picked up on your busyness too. This is not about you needing to feel guilty ? this is about taking a good look at all the big areas in your life and working out how to make some positive changes and what support do you need to do that. If you could make some changes in one area, which one would have the most positive effect on your daughter? There is a lot here already on mum?s losing patience and tiredness is usually the reason. However, one step at a time can make a huge difference so what will you do first? Give it a go?

ooh missed the start. Evening Judy