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Organise your life - live chat with parenting coach, Judy Reith, Monday 19th March, 9pm.

90 replies

AbbyMumsnet · 14/03/2007 17:00

On Monday 19th March, from 9-10pm, we'll be hosting a live chat with parenting coach, Judy Reith. New research by Horlicks shows that many women can't remember the last time they had a good night's sleep, so Judy will be offering tips on how to organise your life so that you can fit in enough quality sleep and have more energy for the demands of family life. If you can't make the chat you can post your questions in advance here.

Hope to see you here on Monday.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/03/2007 21:07

What are your top tips for a good nights sleep then Judy?

Eeek · 19/03/2007 21:15

How do you get them to sleep past 530am? My elder ds did it and now the 15mo is doing the same. I don't know if I can last until 2.5 years which is when the eldest started sleeping past 6am

judyreith · 19/03/2007 21:15

Hi musiclover and catastrophe
Hope it's ok to post both of you, as you both would love to stop shouting. Sounds like there's lots of shouting going on and not much listening. I bet there is only a handful of mums in the world who have never shouted at their kids, and lots of parents want to stop shouting.How would you like to be able to communicate with your children? what do you want more of and what do you want less of? You need to believe you can get through a whole day ( or hour or half day) without raising your voice and communicating clearly and calmly with your children so they have something worth copying. I would encourage you both to focus on what you do well as a Mum, what you love about your children and see if you can all agree a "no shouting " day with a reward at the end of it. Keep going, I'm sure you're doing brilliantly.

wotzsaname · 19/03/2007 21:18

Hi Judy

How can I show my children (10 and 6) that I think the world of them. What is the best way to prise without making them over-confident in their abilities?

I am always being told how lovely they are, well behaved and polite (parents evenings for example) when I expect them to be like this and don't feel I should to say well done for being 'nice' and 'kind' and setting a 'good example to others'.

They can be naughty, but generally not infront of anyone except me.

judyreith · 19/03/2007 21:20

Hi VenividyVicky
My favourite sleep tips are...Making time for you to wind down before bed is what all the sleep experts recommend for a decent night?s sleep. The sleep council recommend.. about half an hour before bed, have a warm bath and a milky drink (no caffeine), avoid a big meal late at night too. Turn the heating down (also good for the planet) and make your bedroom as dark as possible. Some people benefit from using essential oils ? a few drops of lavender or camomile on your pillow for example. Does this appeal ? Would it be worth trying it for a week so you can measure the difference? If your partner is keeping you awake (one third of us find this a problem...) then sometimes a night apart can make all the difference and the sofa becomes very appealing!

lucy5 · 19/03/2007 21:22

Hello Judy!

Lulumama, i will watch Judy's reply to you with interest. As you know I have a 6 year age gap too, although my ds is only 4months old.

lulumama · 19/03/2007 21:24

Hi Lucy ...we had no issue when DD was born, really only the last few weeks...

judyreith · 19/03/2007 21:24

Hi Taylormama ? work work work/baby baby baby /house /house /house = no energy and probably lots of stress. It sounds like you?re too tired to even start trying to sort out what to tackle first to get some balance here. I?m wondering what you would feel like if you could sort the tiredness out first? What kind of an impact would that have on you and your partner? Would it be worth having a chat with him about sharing the housework load? How would life be different for you if you decided to do less housework and instead, invested in half an hour of winding down before bedtime and relaxing in a warm bath and reading a book or magazine? What would work for you? The housework will always be there, but your energy levels and your relationship need prioritising here. Go for it ? you?re worth it!

MusicLover · 19/03/2007 21:25

Thanks Judy
Will take that on board. Good Advice, will try it Tomorrow. Today has been a better day already, so I know we can all do it.

lulumama · 19/03/2007 21:30

Judy - question for you ! How do you sort things out when it all gets too much... i presume that even as a life coach, you cannot always get through the day in the best way possible...who coaches you ?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/03/2007 21:33

Ah, you see, it sounds lovely, but right now, i am MNing from work, and will be here until 10pm.

children start waking any time from 5.30am onwards.
How can we fix the early waking episodes?

judyreith · 19/03/2007 21:34

Hi Lulumama
Did you know that in the eyes of a first born child, the worst thing we do to them is to have the second child? And we do it for the best of reasons - to give them a friend to play with, someone to grumble to about their parents etc etc.. however, you are right when you say that the older one is bound to feel jealous after having had you to himself for 6 years. Jealousy is OK, but it's how he is dealing with it that is important. it's great you make time to be on your own with him and I would help him to talk about his feelings. YOu could say something like " I expect you wish your sister would go away sometimes so we can be on our own more " in other words, helping him to describe what he's feeling can be a huge relief. It's so hard when you're doing the lion's share of everything, and it's vital you find time for YOU too. You are the glue of the family here , so if you are exhausted it will be much harder for you to pay attention to what you need to do here. What would be a treat for you this week that you could arrange? you're worth it!

lulumama · 19/03/2007 21:37

thanks Judy...maybe you can come and look after the kids, and i;ll go for a pedicure

catASTROPHE · 19/03/2007 21:37

ooh, ooh, me too!

lulumama · 19/03/2007 21:37

but yes, will encourage him to talk about how he feels, and give him permission to say that he does not always want her here !

but she has to stay ! LOL!

colette · 19/03/2007 21:38

Thanks judyreith for the advice, I feel it is really helpful to come up with such positive strategies. I will e-mail soon for book details. Off for a better nights sleep

satine · 19/03/2007 21:38

Hi Judy,
I'm hoping that you're going to answer Trinityrhino and Saltire, because oddly enough they have both asked exactly the questions that I was just going to post about!

catASTROPHE · 19/03/2007 21:39

Judy, any thought on how to deal with an almost 3 year old who just flatly ignores me (when I ask her to do something, or even say hello!), or says "ok" and then does nothing?

I try to make sure I hve eye contact etc before talking

Lullabyloo · 19/03/2007 21:40

poor baby lulu!!!!!

I was 6 when my brother arrived....i can empathise with how your ds is feeling lulu....i was a very happy only child

judyreith · 19/03/2007 21:40

Hi to those of you who have asked about coaching. It is a very positive and pro active way to tackle all kinds of issues, and yes, I have coaching too as there's always something I want to work on otherwise I'll just carry on getting what I'm getting. As you know, we're all busy and knackered and so finding a way to come up with our own solutions to anything is really empowering. I believe we get in the way of having the kind of life we want or being the kind of parent we want to be, so coaching focuses on solutions, not problems and It's not therapy or counselling. I absolutely love my job, so if you're interested, visit my website and you'll see that the first coaching session is free!
www.parentingpeople.co.uk

malaleche · 19/03/2007 21:40

Hi Judy,
what's your top tip for not losing my temper and blowing up at my 3.5 year old when my patience already ran out 5 minutes ago?

judyreith · 19/03/2007 21:42

This is for Trinityrhino and saltire
I was hoping we would get a message including the word Guilt because it?s such a big feeling for Mums, and such a waste of our energy! TrinityRhino, you are doing an amazing thing here, trying to work out how to deal with your difficult feelings around your daughter?s sensitivity and need for your attention. When you think about your daughter, what feelings would you like to have more of? What do you really love about her? What makes her special? Recognising all the good things about your daughter will help you to cope with her when she is annoying you. When you feel guilty, focus instead on your answers to those questions instead of what you find annoying about her.
It sounds like she does need a lot of your reassurance, and I?m wondering if she is picking up on your reluctance to give her attention which is why she is still constantly asking for it. As you say, ignoring her tears didn?t help, but in trying to be sympathetic, it?s taking it?s toll on you. It might help to give her some clear signals about when you can spend time with her. A mum I coached with a similar situation decided to say to her daughter ?The washing machine needs emptying and after that I can do a jigsaw with you before tea time? and her daughter then offered to help unload the machine so they had more time on the jigsaw ? a win win! Another thing you could try is when you put her to bed this week, see if you can come up with a different way to tell her why you love her for the next seven days .. You are not alone TrinityRhino and good for you owning up to how you feel and being prepared to make some changes yourself ? what a great mum!

TrinityRhino · 19/03/2007 21:48

Thankyou very much for you positive advice. I will try my best to do what you have suggested, it makes alot of sense to me.
Thanks

judyreith · 19/03/2007 21:49

Hi to those with early wakers...
It's really tedious this one for most of us! The good news is that it WILL pass , but right now, I am guessing you have done the usual things such as decent black out curtains ( one mum I know put tin foil over the windows which helped HER get another hour in bed) Also, a few books and toys in the cot or bed can distract them for a bit. The reality is some kids just dont need as much sleep, so you might need to brave it out if you think yours might be one of those. In which case, make sure, if at all possible you get a break and dont always have to be the early rising parent too. I know this isnt always possible, but if there is the slightest hope of a lie it - take it! Meanwhile, as we've been saying all evening, see if you can help yourself to get more decent sleep to give you the energy to be up with the larks..

VeniVidiVickiQV · 19/03/2007 21:53

ah yes. Black out blinds - check.

Toys and books - check.

Nightlight - check.

instructions on how to turn the tv on - check

She just wants her daddy first thing in the morning it seems....

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