Bryony Gordon webchat: Join her on Tuesday 4 October, 9-10pm

[RachelMumsnet]

Journalist Bryony Gordon is joining us on Tuesday 4 October between 9 and 10pm to chat about living with OCD, the subject of her latest book.

Bryony has written for The Telegraph for 15 years and her weekly column has won her an army of fans who have followed her journey from single girl-about-town to settled mum. She is now 35 and lives in ‘Nappy Valley’ with her young daughter and husband.

Bryony’s memoir, Mad Girl was our non-fiction book of the month in August, and recounts her experience of living a life ruled by OCD. One reader said:

“I applaud Bryony for her complete honesty and admire her bravery writing open-heartedly about such a sensitive personal matter, which she did in such a fearless and often hilarious way. I cannot remember ever reading a book which made me laugh out loud one minute and cry the next - that shows the strength of prose in this amazing book... I urge you all to read it to have a better understanding of mental health issues - let's lift the taboo, get talking about it, and give strength to all of us who are the 'one in four'!"

Come and chat to Bryony and put your questions to her on Tuesday evening between 9 and 10pm. If you’re unable to join us then, please do post up a question in advance on this thread.

We're delighted that Bryony will be also joining us as one of our speakers at Blogfest 16 - you can see the full programme here.

@RoastieToastieReastie

Looking forward to this. I was lucky enough to be sent a copy of the book from mn and found it very interesting and readable and, despite the serious subject matter the book made me smile.

I know from your book things are at the moment much improved with OCD for you after successful therapy. Do you worry about it coming back and whether things will get bad again? Do you think you can ever think totally be cured? (One in general) Sorry, that sounds rather a downer of a thought. I only ask as I have mh issues related to a phobia and I've had very good therapy but I still find it goes through peaks and troughs and I live in fear of it getting bad again in a similar way that I've lost a lot of weight and I live in anxiety that will all go back on again. Hmm, I'm sensing this is maybe just my issue with anxiety here!

I'd also like to know how the running is going? I've recently stared and only up to a measly 5k (although can now do it in less than 30 minutes). The colder weather coming is making me think I need a winter running wardrobe as shorts and tshirt will not cut it in winter any excuse to go clothes shopping.

Hello lovely!

I'm going to start with the running question because, um, I AM RUNNING THE MARATHON IN APRIL! For Heads Together, the mental health charity run by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge and Prince Harry. So far, I have downloaded an app. And that's, err, it. I would definitely get a winter running wardrobe... in fact, I might join you!

I don't think you can ever be totally cured, but I do think you can easily learn to live with the stuff in your head. Always remember: there will be good days and bad days, and those bad days won;t last forever xx

@glenka

Thank you for bringing mental health illnesses into the spotlight so we can get more attention to these debilitating often not talked about issues. As someone who suffers from different mental health problems I would like to ask how did you know when it was time to get help and did you worry about if your illness would be taken seriously.

I think when you have a mental illness you worry about everything. Certainly with OCD, I didn't think anyone would take me seriously. They all just said 'oh yeah, I'm a bit OCD too' and then started telling me how organised their sock drawers were. It was always sock drawers. And I can tell you glenka, my sock drawer is a right state (and you should see my knicker drawer!)

You know when it's time to get help. You just know. And there will always be people who take you seriously. I run a mental health peer support group called www.mentalhealthmates.co.uk and we do walks around the country to help people connect with like-minded folks. Do have a look and come along. Remember: it is completely normal to feel weird! xx

@Me2017

I love reading the weekly column in the Telegraph magazine and in fact my (adult) daughter likes me to save it for her too. Keep it up On OCD it is very important for people to know other out there suffer from it.

My family are mostly psychiatrists who treat/have treated OCD and I am probably more aware than others of mental health issues for that reason.

What is the biggest thing we could do to help others in this area?

I am particularly concerned about the use of OCD in general English chat these days for people who are just a bit fussy about being clean. It then means those who have debilitating OCD (who cannot leave the house for 3 hours as they keep checking the door is locked or cleaning down the surfaces until hands are red raw or whatever) are then linked with people who have no such condition at all. What can we do to stop people talking about their "OCD" when they don't have it and just happen to be particularly tidy or clean?

hello you! I completely agree... the phrase 'i'm a bit OCD' is sadly over-used. Nobody is a 'bit' OCD. The key is in the D - it's a DISORDER! If it isn't upsetting you and interrupting your day to day life, it isn't OCD.

For the record, I am not particularly tidy or clean at all! I would love people to look more into Pure O - it's a very common, but not often talked about form of the illness. I suffer from it, and am trying to shout and shout about it!

Running the marathon? Crikey, go you! I've entered the ballot. It's on my bucket list of things to do so I'm waiting to see in the next week or so if I've got a place although 5k-marathon=a huge step up! Good luck with it

@SansaClegane

Hi Bryony, I also just wanted to chime in and say I've been reading your columns for years and absolutely love your writing. Haven't read your book (sorry!) but as someone who has battled with mental health problems themselves, I admire you tackling the subject and trying to remove stigma.

thank you, chime away people! We NEED to break this stigma... we must not suffer in silence any more. The more we scream and shout about it, the less able people in positions of power are able to ignore us!

Hi Bryony, pleased I've managed to get on here. My daughter is 16 and incredibly stressed most of the time. She worries about everything from her clothes being clean to what she's going to wear to a party 2 weeks ahead to exams, even sometimes cos she can't decide what to watch on TV. I know teenagers stress, but I find her stress levels bordering on OCD. I have tried to help her deal with it but she rebuffs any of my suggestions (she really hated it when I suggested mindfulness . As someone who went through this, have you any suggestions. I feel pretty hopeless just offering her 'it will get better' and the even weaker help of 'just calm down!"...any advice?

@Greavesey2011

Hi Bryony Thank you for such a great read. The symptoms you describe throughout pregnancy I could have written myself! I haven't had anymore children through fear of it happening again, do you feel there should be more information and support to help people through pregnancy etc

Yes, yes and YES! Depression in pregnancy just isn't talked about. Everyone thinks you must be a glowing flower delighted about impending motherhood. I was terrified. And hormonal. I did completely mad things, like pack a bag and walk for 5 miles with my boyfriend desperately trying to find me. No idea why.

Eventually I got help from my hospital perinatal mental health services who were brilliant. I really wish we spoke more about the negative feelings we have when we are pregnant or in the new mum stage. I do a walking group called Mental Health Mates and we did one for mums a couple of weeks ago... it was amazing how many people turned up! When I was a new mum, all that was on offer to me was buggy fit. I did not want to do buggy fit. I wanted to eat cake and cry. So now we've created a space where you can do that, and we will be announcing some more meet-ups soon with people lie the Scummy Mummies!

Thanks for answering my question.

Do you worry about stuff like Brexit and Syria and Trump?

@JammieD

Hi Bryony, pleased I've managed to get on here. My daughter is 16 and incredibly stressed most of the time. She worries about everything from her clothes being clean to what she's going to wear to a party 2 weeks ahead to exams, even sometimes cos she can't decide what to watch on TV. I know teenagers stress, but I find her stress levels bordering on OCD. I have tried to help her deal with it but she rebuffs any of my suggestions (she really hated it when I suggested mindfulness . As someone who went through this, have you any suggestions. I feel pretty hopeless just offering her 'it will get better' and the even weaker help of 'just calm down!"...any advice?

Hello JammieD, firstly: YOU GOT THIS! The very fact you are recognising these symptoms in your daughter shows you are an awesome mum. You can;t force treatment on anyone, they need to come to it, but what you can do is let her know you are there for her whatever the weather. Have you tried leaving some print outs on OCD or mental health around the house? Not subtle, but it's what my mum did! Good luck... do get in touch with your local Mind as they offer great support xx

Hi Bryony! I'm enjoying reading your book at the moment so thank you. I'm interested in what effect the 'modern world' of constant stimulation and communication has on our mental health. I know it can create a community for people to talk e.g. MN and your site but do you think it also creates an outlet for certain types of obsessive behaviour? And with social media etc., a culture of constantly comparing ourselves to others, creating false notions of normal body image and such?

I can completely relate to the walking for 5 miles! All my midwife did was refer me to social services wich made my OCD even worse!!!! Thank you for highlighting such a taboo subject I felt like I couldn't say I hate being pregnant but love being a mum!! I'm off to the mental health mates meet in glos this weekend would be keen to do a mum one too!

@starlight36

I thought this was an incredibly brave book to write and I found it an inspiring read.

Throughout the book you mention how mental health care needs to be improved in this country, especially for people who can't afford to pay for private doctors and therapists. Following on from the success of Mental Health Mates do you think there is a way to convince the government that better universal care needs to be provided? Do you see yourself fronting a political campaign?

Oooh I'd love to! There are some great MPs working in this area - Norman Lamb, Luciana Berger, Jess Phillips (I love her, she came to a Mental Health Mates the other day). As long as I didn't have to become an MP... too many skeletons (though to be fair most of them are now out of my closet!)

Bryony, we have a few standard questions that we ask authors when they join us here and we'd like to put to you:

Which childhood book most inspired you?

What was the last book you gave someone as a gift?

What was the best book you read over the summer?

And finally - can you describe the room where you wrote Mad Girl? (was it covered in Take That posters?)
Thanks

@Jen145

Hi Bryony - I was wondering if you have ever dealt with intrusive thoughts or OCD traits re surfacing and how you deal with them? Thanks Jen

Hey Jen, I have intrusive thoughts ALL THE TIME. Today in a meeting I had incredibly rude thoughts about a perfectly charming colleague. I used to struggle the whole time when changing nappies. I have learnt to just let them go by, like cars on a road. They're just thoughts. We all have millions of them a day. They don't make you, and they must not break you xx

Hi Bryony,
Sorry I haven't read your book but I'm going to get it.

Did you use medication to overcome your OCD or just therapy?

@FrankensteinsSister

Hi Bryony, Another mum with similar OCD here. Thanks for talking about it. Do you feel it has limited your life? The older I get the more I hate my anxiety and resent the impact it has had on my life and opportunities. I am beginning to feel it as a life long disability, and that's pretty depressing! I was treated appallingly in post natal ward because of my anxiety. Is the treatment of new mums with MH issues something you think worth investigating?

yes, it's a big passion of mine! any stories gratefully received... I want to try and help change this!

@LineyReborn

Thanks for answering my question.

Do you worry about stuff like Brexit and Syria and Trump?

I worry about Syria, because we could be doing something to help and just aren't. But I can't worry about democratic decisions, no matter how bloody awful they might seem!

Thoughts ... like cars on a road...

I like that.

@HarrietMWelsch

Hi Bryony! I'm enjoying reading your book at the moment so thank you. I'm interested in what effect the 'modern world' of constant stimulation and communication has on our mental health. I know it can create a community for people to talk e.g. MN and your site but do you think it also creates an outlet for certain types of obsessive behaviour? And with social media etc., a culture of constantly comparing ourselves to others, creating false notions of normal body image and such?

Oh I completely agree about the obsessiveness Harriet! I think we are all much happier looking up and out than down and in. I love a bit of social media (and mumsnet, obv), but there's nothing like being with people, feeling them skin on skin (ooo-err!)

@Greavesey2011

I can completely relate to the walking for 5 miles! All my midwife did was refer me to social services wich made my OCD even worse!!!! Thank you for highlighting such a taboo subject I felt like I couldn't say I hate being pregnant but love being a mum!! I'm off to the mental health mates meet in glos this weekend would be keen to do a mum one too!

Yay you! send me an email about doing a mum's one... and anyone else can too! it's [email protected]

xx

@RachelMumsnet

Bryony, we have a few standard questions that we ask authors when they join us here and we'd like to put to you:

Which childhood book most inspired you?

What was the last book you gave someone as a gift?

What was the best book you read over the summer?

And finally - can you describe the room where you wrote Mad Girl? (was it covered in Take That posters?)
Thanks

Hi Rachel! Oooh, good questions.

The childhood book that most inspired me was Molesworth by Ronald Searle and Geoffrey Willans because it showed me the joy of being silliness. I still re-read them whenever I am feeling down!

The last book I gave someone as a gift was Not Working by the awesome Lisa Owens. It came out this year and is just BRILLIANT. She's just had a baby. You should get her here on Mumsnet!

OK, in terms of best books... this is going to sound completely tragic but I have a real thing for sci-fi. And Stephen King. I am just finishing the Passage trilogy by Justin Cronin, which is about, um, vampires. But not like sexy twilight vampires. It's beautifully written and though it's about mythical creatures it's incredibly human.

I wrote Mad Girl in my living room, surrounded by discarded toys! I would have LOVED to have had some posters of Take That on the walls, but I think my other half might have raised an eyebrow!

@bellend123

Hi Bryony, Sorry I haven't read your book but I'm going to get it.

Did you use medication to overcome your OCD or just therapy?

Oh yes, I'm on loads of medication! Prozac has been great for me, but it's not for everyone. Getting medication right is a tricky process, and you need a really good doctor to help you through it. Always do it i conjunction with therapy if you can!

Hi Bryony, I've only just seen this and I'must really sorry but I haven't read your book. Yet! I will order it asap.
My 21 year old son has anxiety and OCD. We are finding it very time-consuming, well, all-consuming. It affects every aspectrl of his and our lives. We are trying to help him as best we can but are at a loss really. He has just started therapy after years of us asking for help and support.
Have you any advice on how we can best help him? He asks us regularly to clean things, change his bedding, change our clothes, wash hands, etc. Is it best to do these things for him to keep his anxiety down? Or should we challenge them and say no? To complicate things, he also has cerebral palsy so can't do these things for himself.
Also, how is the best way for him to explain OCD to family and friends? He has received little understanding.
Many thanks

NOBODY HAS ASKED ME ABOUT BISCUITS YET!

@JangleBangle

Hi Bryony, I've only just seen this and I'must really sorry but I haven't read your book. Yet! I will order it asap. My 21 year old son has anxiety and OCD. We are finding it very time-consuming, well, all-consuming. It affects every aspectrl of his and our lives. We are trying to help him as best we can but are at a loss really. He has just started therapy after years of us asking for help and support. Have you any advice on how we can best help him? He asks us regularly to clean things, change his bedding, change our clothes, wash hands, etc. Is it best to do these things for him to keep his anxiety down? Or should we challenge them and say no? To complicate things, he also has cerebral palsy so can't do these things for himself. Also, how is the best way for him to explain OCD to family and friends? He has received little understanding. Many thanks

Hi JangleBangle,

I'm so sorry to hear this... the official line is that you shouldn't reassure by cleaning/washing/checking... his anxiety might peak immediately but in the long run it is better.

The way I explain OCD is that your brain can't register what your eye is seeing - be it that the sheets or clean, or that the oven is off, or that the bump in the road you went over was a speed bump and not a human. There are great organisations out there like OCD Action and OCD UK. If you want to get in touch you can find my email above