Webchat about the menopause. Join journalist and author of 'The Hot Topic' Christa D'Souza, Thursday 1-2pm

[RachelMumsnet]

Journalist and author Christa D’Souza will be joining us for a webchat about the menopause on Thursday 12 May between 1 and 2pm. Christa’s book The Hot Topic: A life changing look at the 'Change of Life' has been described by Mariella Frostrup as ‘a no-nonsense, myth-debunking and even amusing look at the M-word’. In a wry and honest account of her own journey into and through menopause, Christa looks at why menopause is still such a taboo word and why there’s so little discussion about such a key milestone.

Join the discussion and post up questions for Christa on Thursday lunchtime (1-2pm) or feel free to post up Qs in advance if you’re unable to join in at that time.

Christa D'Souza was a guest on Woman's Hour this morning talking about The Hot Topic. If you missed it, listen here at 35.35.

Photo by Jenny Lewis

Hello,

I'm a way off the menopause yet, but though I'd share my mother's description of her experience - which might offer a perhaps unusually optimistic perspective!

She said:
"My experience of menopause is that it is just another transition. I knew to the second when the big hormonal change started. I felt a bit down for a few hours. But then I experienced this amazing sense of elation, as though this miraculous thing was happening to me! The ongoing symptoms were were no big deal and I actually enjoyed feeling warm as I hate to be cold! Overall there are many good sides to being post-menopausal. Life is just as enjoyable in every way, plus no periods or fear of pregnancy."

Is this kind of positive outlook common when it comes to women's experience of menopause? I was quite surprised, given that she's not a very optimistic person in general!

Thanks!

@blindsider

This zero libido thing, is it only during menopause or is that is for the rest of time?

I only ask as DW and I had a very healthy sex life. Recently there have been the tell tale signs of hot flushes and pain during sex. This could I assume be sorted with additional lubrication but the zero libido can't.

Obviously I currently have not changed, I still fancy my wife to bits, BUT have no desire to instigate sex with a wife who, out of loyalty or a sense of misplaced duty is happy to participate 'as it is unfair on me' - So essentially I am asking is this a phase or are we done having sex?

Right, here goes. In perimenopause, in the years leading up to the menopause proper, what I found, and what a lot of my friends found was that we suddenly started feeling these tremendous urges, the likes of which we hadn't had since our teens. Fancying our sons friends! Wanting to mount the postman! Havingg saucy dreasm about, ughh, Neil Diamond in my case. In other words all completely inappropriate but an indication that, just like the sun shines brightly before it goes before a cloud, getting it or thinking about getting it while we could. And then, well for me anyway, that desire just stopped. Like over night. as if a switch had been turned off. Dry as a bone, too. Closed for business. Devastating. Now, HRT helps on that front, emotionally and with lubrication (although there also various creams and gels ttopical potinos which can be used for that too.) Does that sort of answer your question? Rushing through with other people's questions!

@FrameyMcFrame

Why are GPs so woefully ignorant of both symptoms and treatments for menopause? I've had to fight to get diagnosed (at 41 so too young according to one GP) and have my symptoms credited as menopause. Been prescribed antidepressants, diazepam, sleeping tablets but not HRT... It's rubbish.

See above, but sometimes its NOT sleeping pills or SSRIs you need, but more oestrogen.

@Badders123

I am very much hoping it's not forever :( Wrt GPS - I can't complain really - but the hrt or anything else I've tried hasn't worked for me. It was the GP who suggested soya based supplements for the sweats and it has def helped. I'm currently sat on the sofa after doing the dinner and cleaning up and doing the dishes. I'm taking ds1 to the cinema and I could just cry....I'm so tired I just want to get into my pjs and go to bed to relax! Dh is busy finishing decorating the conservatory so I can't ask him to take Ds and ds2 needs looking after anyway. Sigh. I'm 43 fgs. I feel like an old woman :(

You are NOT an old woman! Statistically, you will live well into your late 80s and 90s! Thats's a lot of time to be miserable, no? I spent a couple of years being tired, actually, and still get tired, way more tired than DH or either of my DSs.......but HRT helped, so did yoga, and so did cutting out alcohol. Oh boy did that make a difference. remember too what they say It Too Shall Pass, but read my book for some morale boosting because you deserve some. xx

@CuttedUpPear

The exhaustion is really important to flag up. We are trying to carry out normal lives in a knackered haze. I simply don't know anyone I work with (they are either male or younger than me) who is going through this.

I have no energy or enthusiasm for social occasions, I dread getting invited to weddings - it's about all I can manage to drag myself around at work.
I'm on hrt patches, which have saved me from going over the edge of depression, but I'm still mostly too tired to get the best out of life.

Why does nobody take us aside, say at age 35 (or even 13) and tell us about this?

Women and Tiredness. this is DEFINITELY a book. Thank you for the idea.

MrsCampbellBlack- I worry about this too! I was quite young when I started my period (10) and my mum who was in her 40s when she had me, had just started her menopause so we were slightly out of sync in that respect...

@Littleredpony

I was really pleased to hear this webchat is happening today as I'm right in the middle of menopause. Doctor told me that I had been through and all symptoms stopped about a year ago but they started back with a vengeance about 4 months ago so guess I'm not quite there yet, so will look out for your book. I'm wondering if you have altered your diet and lifestyle at all to help get through the menopause? I've heard the obvious advice - no red meat, cutting back on alcohol and obviously exercise but do you have any other suggestions?

Halloo there,
the answer is I changed a LOT of stuff. The most important one was alcohol. oh boy did alcohol exacerbate the symptoms, and accentuate the depression. I've been sober for 5 months now and I can honestly say I feel better saner and slimmer than I have done in a good 15 years. I'm afraid i love red meat but I try to make it organic and grass fed. Yoga has been an absolute saviour. Whether its true or not, I feel as if it has really helped with strengthening my bones. Oh, and a good vitamin D tablet. Good luck! This is the beginning of the new you!

I am glad I am not the only one worrying about the menopause/puberty collision.

@HarrietMWelsch

Hi Christa!

Now I've not had the menopause yet and I definitely have preconceptions around it (which this webchat is helping debunk!) So this is more of a general question... You said that your book is not just for us but for our daughters and indeed husbands- how do you think we can go about creating role models and educating both sexes about the menopause? Should it be more of a key part of sex ed?

Oh Harriet, thank you for flagging this! YES!!!! This whole perfectly natural rite of passage must be dymystified and destigmatized. Biologically, and from an evolutionary perspective do read my book) thee is a REASON for us being around. Without us, and I'm not even exaggerating here, civilisation would have ground to a juddering halt! Perhaps we need to take inspiration from, say, the Japanese who rather revere older women. Another thing, it is actually rather a wonderful and liberating thing not to be defined by ones sexuality. This does not mean I'm never going to do 'it' again but there's a lot more to life, believe me! And maybe we've got to get boys and men and babies out of the way to concentrate on them!

Thanks for the webchat, Christa - I loved this bit

Let's together make menopause less of a taboo for goodness sakes! there's a reason why we we are one of the few species who live beyond reproduction! Its not all downhill from here! There's LOTS to do still

@Roseformeplease

And the lack of sleep. Why does no one care about that?

I care. it drove me NUTS. Sleep was the one thing I had a Phd in. and when not even a couple of zopiclone worked I thought Iwas going to go ut of my mind. HRT, I have to say worked IMMEDIATELY on that front.

But what she said to you, PLG, didn't make any sense.
She said go back to your doctor to get treatment for horrid symptoms.
Even though you said you never had any unpleasant symptoms.

Pah.

@MrsCampbellBlack

Hi Christa!

I have just read your book and found it very interesting. I'm a bit away from the menopause as yet but like to know what is in store.

One thing I wasn't very clear on was your and your friends' experience that the libido comes back?

I found myself walking round waitrose yesterday and admiring lots of slim glam 50+ women and thinking well they look pretty good

I am most fearful that my menopause will clash with my daughter going through puberty!

Ha! You're right there are an AWFUL lot of hot 50something women around having plenty of sex. Did you know, by the way that male chimpanzees will choose older females to mate with over younger ones? its pause for thought, isn't it.
When I was growing up my sister, my mother and I shared our boxes of Tampax (my mum was a young mum, 17 when she had me) so I didn't have that experience, and it was perfectly fine, but I can see how that might worry you. There's something nice, though, no, about passing on the baton? Much as I loved having a mum who was more of a sister it was also confusing. its likely that WILL happen to you, but armed with lots of knowledge, you'll pretty much SAIL through it. I ADORE younger readers, btw!

@PeaceLoveGonk

Thanks for the webchat, Christa - I loved this bit

Let's together make menopause less of a taboo for goodness sakes! there's a reason why we we are one of the few species who live beyond reproduction! Its not all downhill from here! There's LOTS to do still

SOOO glad to be of assistance xc

We've run out of time but a huge thanks to everyone who joined us today and to Christa who managed to answer so many questions.

We're going to be selecting 5 people who have joined this thread and offering free copies of Christa's book The Hot Topic. We'll contact those who have been selected shortly.

Thanks so much for that everyone,
I'm really loving it that we are talking about this. It's not disgusting. it's not embarassing. It IS. Lets continue the conversation.
xxChrista

Lljkk - I know . But I did like the quote!

Thanks so much.
You've given me the much needed kick I needed to go back to my GP.

Thanks so much for all your advice. BTW my GP just suggested to book a smear at the surgery - the nurse is aware of my frequency and the need to cancel. It might take me months to get it done ::sigh::

Hi, I was exactly the same, truly awful peri symptoms, and getting nowhere fast 😒 Weirdly my baby brother who is an ultra fit, ultra marathon runner shouted loudly at me, removed alsorts of really lovely but very unhealthy foods, gluten sugar etc, and put me on a vast amount of vitamin and mineral supplements, guess what? Yep, literally a changed woman! Tge periods are still heavy and painful but that's it! None of the rest of it! Here's a list of what I take
Vitamin D
Vitamin K
Selenium
Vitamin C
Kelp
And most importantly Magnesium!! All of the above in quite high doses, I'm afraid a multi vitamin won't do it, hope this helps xx

Christa

Thank you for answering my question. :-)