PIL arrive, hours later than arranged, complain about the journey, bring their 3 badly behaved tiny dogs as a !surprise! for the kids. DH fumes & about boundaries & I say please, let it go, they’re only dogs, it’s just one day.
Enquire as to whether I’ll be doing a bacon sandwich, they’re starving? MIL rearranges my fridge to fit the cheese board & trifle (I’d already told them I’ve purchased / made everything, & please don’t bring). Bacon sarnie dutifully made, MIL inevitably spills tea everywhere & snatches the mop from my hands ‘as I wouldn’t know about cleaning properly’. Gifts me a lovely box of biscuits, they then open the biscuits & offer me one.
Dogs are yapping, FIL has taken over control of tv remote. Stepkids fed up. DH & MIL start bickering about anything and everything but especially whether kids today should be allowed phones, they wouldn’t have stood for it with DH as a boy.
Time to eat & FIL sits the chihuahua on his lap, feeds him by hand. The 2 terriers beg and whine under the table at this preferential treatment. I’m mentally checked out as MIL chucks pigs in blankets under the table. DH is shouting now, about how many times did he say the dogs aren’t welcome. MIL talking about how he was always highly strung, even as a child. FIL shares that doctor beckman carpet cleaner is ‘brilliant stuff’. While the rest of us are still on the main course, MIL is in the fridge serving herself desserts, and checking the crumb tray on the toaster, to hopefully catch me out and have a good reason to tut. She’ll remark on never having known anyone to always have so much alcohol, SO MUCH ALCOHOL IN THE HOUSE is this really wise influence on the kids? Anecdote about how quickly I went through the champagne at my wedding, she doesn’t know if she’s ever seen me without a glass of something? Are my family big drinkers too? She helps solve the problem by opening the special violet ‘happy birthday’ gin right at the back of the cupboard, passing over the 2 open gins. Sainsbury’s tonic, really! No schweppes? Fetches ice, leaves the freezer door open. FIL talks at length about his health problems and impending death, then about the dogs he’s had and lost. Arguments break out between him & MIL about dead dog facts that he’s remembered wrong.
FIL insists on helping with washing up which I am grateful for, a plate from my great grandmothers wedding china is smashed in the sink. Points out that I could do with buying bigger plates really.
Have a quick phone call upstairs with my family, MIL bangs on bedroom door to ask where the baileys glasses are.
We talk about MILs sisters who have gone no contact, friends who have argued with her this year & blocked her for no reason, then onto how vile DHs gran, her own MIL, was to her.
Eventually time to leave & MIL raids fridge, loads up her carrier bag with leftovers ‘for the dogs’ and sandwiches for their tea. Asks if ‘that gin would go to waste’ and I deliberately misunderstand & hand her the Gordon’s. we all stand and wave at the door to make sure they’re gone & get the board games out.