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Original poster

Single mum

305 replies

PITH1 · 19/03/2023 21:41

I'm 30, a single mum of 2 DC (7 and 3), broke and moving 8 hours away to Scotland next week where we don't know a soul. I'm currently living in temporary accommodation and have no chance of being housed where I currently live. I added myself to open housing lists all over the UK and have been offered a gorgeous little maisonette flat in Scotland on the edge of a small town about 30min from Glasgow. Lots of green space and a small school. Have visited and really liked it. My children's father doesn't want anything to do with them and hasn't since my youngest was born so that isn't an issue. I don't have family support and I haven't been happy for a long time here and have been wanting a fresh start but I'm nervous and it's taken a lot of guts for me to do this. Does anyone have any stories/tips about moving far away on your own? Especially with young DC. Or can anyone tell me their experience of living in Scotland? Making friends there? Thanks for reading x

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
Appleblum · 20/03/2023 01:49

Good luck! I wish you all the best! You're incredibly brave to do this!

Lolabear38 · 20/03/2023 01:56

@PITH1
there’s lots of great advice on this post! I’ve moved countries 5 times in the last 10 years (with DP’s job) and I’d agree with lots of what you’ve been advised so far.

Say yes to everything, put yourself out there - if you’re not working then volunteer at the school, local charity shop, brownies groups etc. sign DC up for clubs and activities (if they want to of course) and hang around to chat to other parents etc.

One thing I always remind myself of though is that it takes time to make friends, really don’t be disheartened if it doesn’t happen immediately. For me, sometimes I’ve made friend in the first few weeks and really landed on my feet; other times it’s taken 6 months or more to find my ‘people’ and naturally you worry about whether you’ve made the right move. Give it time, be open, expect there to be some bumps in the road (there might not be which would be great but similarly if there are then you can be somewhat prepared).

lastly, remind yourself every day of how brave and strong you are for making this move in the first place. You’re doing this for yourself and your family and I really really
hope it works out for you. Please give us an update in a few months’ time!

Yants · 20/03/2023 02:44

I'd love to move to Scotland but worry about finding work.

What job do you have lined up for when you get there?

icypompoms · 20/03/2023 02:55

I'd start going to the PTA meetings at school as you'll meet local parents and instantly become part of the school community.

Ask about getting in the class whatsap group too so you can hit the ground running with all school related events and special days.

When you join fb find a few local toddler groups to meet parents with younger children too.

Also consider brownies/scouts as an after school activity.

It's very exciting and you should feel proud.

Original poster
PITH1 · 20/03/2023 09:21

Thanks everyone, there has been so many lovely/helpful comments on this post that I really wasn't expecting ❤

OP posts:
trythisforsize · 20/03/2023 10:13

If your neighbourhood seems friendly go and knock on a few doors and introduce yourself - when you get home write down the names of people and where they live so you can say hi when you see them.

I'm terrible with names and although my neighbours are lovely I've been here for years and I just can't ask some people now as it's been so long.
It always feels good to know your neighbours a bit in a new area as you all look out for each other and it feel more of a community. They'll appreciate meeting you too.

trythisforsize · 20/03/2023 10:16

PS I wouldn't let on straight away that you don't know anyone at all nearby as this could make you vulnerable. Just be friendly but cautious.

soddingspiderseason · 20/03/2023 10:18

Well done you! Not sure if this has been suggested, but find your local library and see what activities they run there for kids. They are usually free, and it's a good way to meet other local families. You'll also find useful local information and most library staff will be happy to have a chat if you explain you've just moved to the area.

Alishaattic · 20/03/2023 10:38

You are very brave OP.

I can share my story with you. I lived with my daughters father and experienced horrendous domestic abuse, we got to a point where the local authority got involved and I had to flee there and then. I left our entire lives behind in the area we had known for several years, in addition it was an accelerated flee because the risk escalated which meant I had to leave all our belongings behind and start from scratch.

I relocated hundreds of miles away from him, but I was scared - really scared as I have no family support and my friends were in the area I originally grew up in, but in honesty - it was absolutely the best thing I could have ever done.

We're three years away from him now, my little girl is settled, we live in a lovely area in a lovely house which we have made as a home, we've made lots of friends, both her and me, and she starts primary education this year in a lovely school. I felt so frightened and isolated when we first moved here but honestly, I look back and only wish I had left sooner.

I can absolutely say with every fibre of my being that this will be the best new start for you as well as your children.

You will have some doubts when you first get there, that is natural and you will feel isolated at times, but as time goes on your children will make new friends and so will you and you will then realise this is the best thing you ever did.

Whilst I imagine some part of you wishes the children's father was involved and cared, him contesting this move would be a huge obstacle for you so please see this move as obstacle free and an incredible new start for you and your children.

xx

WoolyMammoth55 · 20/03/2023 10:54

Hi OP, just to wish you all the best with your move! We moved to a new area during lockdowns and having kids was the best ice-breaker - we have lots of families we know from drop offs and play dates, it's great. We spent this NYE having a drunken dinner with a couple whose kid in the same class as our oldest one - crazy to make such good friends just through the kids getting on at school, but it's doable if you're friendly and lucky :)

I also agree with PP who suggested joining with the PTA stuff at school, they will love you if you lend a hand at the cake sale etc - easy way in!

For second hand school uniform, our school sells it very cheap through the PTA, we haven't paid full price for ages. I am a big fan of FB marketplace for kids clothes and shoes, plus sofas and bookcases etc; you might need someone to lend a hand unloading but you'll find treasures I'm sure.

How great to live close to a swimming pool too, your kids will be like little dolphins after a year! :) Wish you all the best x

EllaPaella · 20/03/2023 15:29

Good luck OP, I moved to an unfamiliar city on my own when my eldest son was young prior to meeting and settling down with my now DH. I went for a career opportunity and have no regrets.
I made friends easily at work and my son made friends at school, joined a local football club and beavers etc.
We have subsequently moved all over the country after I met my husband due to his job prior to settling where we live now. It can take a long time for somewhere to feel like 'home' (took several years in fact) but fundamental to that was making friends with work colleagues and other parents and doing as much socialising as possible.

Pippylongstock · 20/03/2023 15:32

I’ve recently moved to Scotland from overseas. I love it here. The countryside is amazing. I’ve moved a lot in my life and have made some friends. I’m very lucky that I moved with my supportive partner. It’s tough at the start and you just have to take little steps. Once your kids are in school - find out if there is a WhatsApp group. I’ve found people really helpful on those. We have an excellent library near us where I take the kids at least once a week. I have found many more free classes ect on offer in the local leisure centre here than when I lived South of the border. But you have to sign up to things early. Drop in and find out what’s available. Glasgow is a fantastic city - lots of free things to do. I think your kids should get free bus services. Good luck!

Rosequartz7 · 20/03/2023 15:35

Yes, me! I moved to Wales on my own with a then 4 year old, didn't know a soul, no family support, child's dad was an arsehole (not seen child now for 8 years), I did it all alone with my kid. Won't say I didn't have huge wobbles but its been the best thing I ever did for myself and my child. I got away from awful people, places, patterns, and looking back, abuse. Moving so far away gave me the space to find myself and build a whole new life. Wishing you all the best, you can do this!!💐

jejija · 20/03/2023 15:42

This sounds like a fantastic move for you. I think you’re incredibly brave and wish you lots of luck. I haven’t been in the same situation but I do have children the same ages and I would hope it will be easy enough to make friends through school/nursery/other activities. Good luck!

Holly60 · 20/03/2023 15:45

Reclining · 19/03/2023 22:20

Keep a diary and publish it!

God yes this! I'd read it.

Maybe you should approach the BBC for a documentary?!

TiptoeThroughTheToadstools · 20/03/2023 15:49

OP I am Scottish, live just outside Glasgow, its hard to know without knowing exactly where you're moving to, but you'll find there are lots of opportunities to meet new people, most places have groups you can join, depending on what you like whether it be fitness, or just tea and coffee etc. Transport links around Glasgow are pretty good too!

vix3rd · 20/03/2023 15:56

Join the local library. It will be a good resource for clubs & things to attend.

ShimmeringShirts · 20/03/2023 15:57

If you’re moving to a town that starts with a W (not far outside of Glasgow!) I’ve just moved here too. Single mum, 3 kids and would love to make some friends up this way

Spangasspikeywig · 20/03/2023 16:00

What a brave thing to do, I wish you every good that that could possibly come your way xx

roseinthedark · 20/03/2023 16:18

No advice but your bravery and positivity tells me that your children are so so lucky to have you as their mother, you sound absolutely amazing. Good luck on your next adventure xx

mumontherun14 · 20/03/2023 16:24

Aww we live just outside of Glasgow & we love it. People are so friendly in Scotland I’m sure you &’the children will be warmly welcomed. There’s loads for children to do here xx

Bornin1989 · 20/03/2023 17:07

When I had my DD, I found the Peanut app really helpful for finding friends, it matches you with other mums, a bit like Tinder (so I hear, I've never used Tinder).

Just don't swipe right on people as that "waves" at them - that's what I did to about 80 mums I thought I was just scrolling through 😂

Good luck and it sounds like a lovely new start!

MMCQ · 20/03/2023 19:30

I say go for it. Ask the teachers who your kids make friends with and even better, if the teacher can assign a buddy to them. Then get inviting the kids and parents for days out together, play dates, etc. join the Parent Teachers Association. Get your oldest into any kind of kids clubs, church groups, cubs or brownies etc and make time for you to join a club too! I went to a dance class at the same school and same time as my 5 year old daughter did Tae Kwando down the hall in a small town we moved to. Small towns rock when you don’t know anybody. Talk to people and get involved in anything going on community related. Good luck.

LadyMcLadyface · 20/03/2023 19:38

Wishing you the best of luck, I'm from Scotland (Perthshire) and I'm always struck by how friendly and warm people are whenever I go further west - especially in Glasgow. You'll also be very close to some beautiful areas like the Trossachs, you don't really have to venture far out of the towns/cities here to find the most stunning landscapes (especially in the west of Scotland). Good luck with the move!

Jeevesnotwooster · 20/03/2023 22:56

Hi OP. I moved to Glasgow from London 12 years ago. I did find it difficult mainly because I missed my family who are in London/south west. But people were friendly and very chatty.

We moved out 18 months ago and I'm probably about 15/20 mins from you in the car. I'm a fair bit older and my youngest is 11 but message me if want to meet for a coffee after you move.