To not keep a flipping ‘gratitude journal’

[Eastie77Returns]

New manager at work, from the US if that’s relevant, declared a few weeks back that she thought it would a great idea for the team to start keeping a gratitude journal. Not my cup of tea at all but I was wasn’t bothered as it was optional. Then journals arrived at our home addresses in the post, she’d ordered them for everyone

On our weekly team meetings she started asking volunteers to read journal entries aloud. When no-one volunteered, she picked people. A few colleagues ‘read’ clearly made up on the spot entries. When it was my turn I just said I’m not keeping the journal. I’m grateful for many things but I don’t write them down. She didn’t look happy and I’ve heard I’m now on her shit list for not being a team player or something. WIBU??!

[StartupRepair]

Someone beat me to saying Ian Duty.
There is research on the benefits of gratitude practices. However forced gratitude is intrusive workplace gaslighting.
OP you could do policies or processes at work. I'm so grateful for the amendment to the process for ordering stationery.

[HaroldAndEthelMeaker]

YANBU. If she won't give it a rest, come up with some silly ones.

[feelsobadfeltsogood]

I'm very sorry my dog has eaten my journal 😂

[OVienna]

The thing is - a regular First Aider doesn't then conclude that they're "kind of like a doctor", do they, just because they've got some CPR training and a badge. Yes, they know the signs of a heart attack but for example it's not likely they'd be mandating an exercise programme.

It feels like your boss has got grandiose ideas about the training she's done and her level of expertise.

Did she have an actual mandate to "roll anything out" on the basis of her training? It might be worth sussing this out.

I'm a Yank (in the UK for 30 yrs) and unfortunately I think you need to assume she'd take some offense (maybe quite a bit) at being pulled up on the journal. I dont think there will be any HR consequence for you but dealing with your manager sulking would be a real bore.

I think I'd say to her that you'd want to restrict your contributions to any group discussion to anonymous basis. So maybe people could email her privately something they felt grateful for and she could share with the group on a no names basis. That might actually allow for a real discussion which - you never know- could be surprisingly productive?

However, I also see risks in moderating something like this in the event there is someone on the team with mental health issues that are being dealt with in a different way. Not being a psychologist I am not sure how id articulate that to HR though.

I'm sorry for you, what a pain. This is actually not a small thing.

[OVienna]

My quote didn't work...

[HorrocksToThem]

I'm just thankful I don't work where you do OP. This kind of thing drives me nuts and would make me feel more stressed out than ever. The things I'm truly grateful for I probably wouldn't want to share with my colleagues. For example today I'm grateful for the very satisfying shit I managed to do this morning before coming to work. (True btw).

[BoogieFeet]

Wow. I never thought I’d be able to do he whole ‘write 3 things you’re grateful for’ each day crap but today it’s easy!

I’m grateful I don’t work for that company
I’m grateful this thread is in Classics and all the posters who have made it so fun
I’m grateful for my current job and that my boss will be horrified when I tell him all about this

[BlackAmericanoNoSugar]

Actually, just listing the last three things you ate and drank would probably work. "I'm grateful for coffee, I'm grateful for toast and I'm grateful for marmalade." The beauty of that is if she calls you out for just itemising your breakfast you can tell her that there are many people in the world who don't have access to enough food and the fact that she is dismissive of your appreciation of food and drink shows that she is unaware of her own privilege and how genuinely lucky she is.

[Eastie77Returns]

acatcalledjohn I didn't mean to criticise MH first aiders as a whole. In the example you describe I can see how your training would be useful.

I just think that there is a danger the role could be misinterpreted or mis-used by someone such as my manager who trains for a few hours and decides they are an expert on all things MH.

Each week she now has a captive audience in the form of my team as she expands on her latest MH insights and learnings, this journal being the latest of them. This says everything about her personality and capacity for self-aggrandisement and is not a reflection on the MH first aid role itself.

[acatcalledjohn]

I know you didn't, @Eastie77Returns. Some other PPs sneered at MHFA being a thing, which is why I felt the need to speak up in favour of it. Your manager has not paid attention to the training if she so happily dismisses negative emotions, and I agree that she is misusing it to make herself feel better or superior. However, by doing that she is seriously risking the mental well-being of others.

I wonder how much of this journaling is her projecting how much of an effort she has to make to hide how shit her life is. It wouldn't surprise me.

Doing the intro course helped me speak up to someone I trust (a fellow first aider who did the same MH intro) when I was mentally struggling. My struggles were at home, but it came out at work. Being able to recognise this in myself has been incredibly helpful in managing it.

[Eastie77Returns]

@acatcalledjohn

I know you didn't, *@Eastie77Returns*. Some other PPs sneered at MHFA being a thing, which is why I felt the need to speak up in favour of it. Your manager has not paid attention to the training if she so happily dismisses negative emotions, and I agree that she is misusing it to make herself feel better or superior. However, by doing that she is seriously risking the mental well-being of others.

I wonder how much of this journaling is her projecting how much of an effort she has to make to hide how shit her life is. It wouldn't surprise me.

Doing the intro course helped me speak up to someone I trust (a fellow first aider who did the same MH intro) when I was mentally struggling. My struggles were at home, but it came out at work. Being able to recognise this in myself has been incredibly helpful in managing it.

@acatcalledjohn it has occurred to me that she has some issues going on and her emphasis on positivity and gratitude is a way of dealing with it. I know some people who’ve experienced a traumatic event subsequently say they are now forever grateful for small things others take for granted etc.

I think most people whose lives are on an even keel don’t feel the need to constantly tell everyone to look on the bright side.

[Justilou1]

Being a MHFA does not give you the qualifications to host group counselling sessions. This is all about her and her control issues. She probably thinks she’s gaining valuable - and potentially useful - insight, but the end result is the exact opposite of the intended purpose. MHFA are supposed to be available to recognize symptoms of MH issues in the workplace and help support those employees until they access QUALIFIED help. This is an exercise in narcissism and is effectively her feeding her ego at everyone else’s expense, like a vampire.

[Eastie77Returns]

@Poshjock

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not
understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded.
But trust me, in 20 years you'll look back at photos of yourself and
recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before
you and how fabulous you really looked….You're not as fat as you
imagine.
Don't worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that
never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm
on some idle Tuesday.
Do one thing everyday that scares you
Sing
Don't be reckless with other people's hearts, don't put up with
people who are reckless with yours.
Floss
Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes
you're behind…the race is long, and in the end, it's only with
yourself.
Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.
Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.
Stretch
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your
life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they
wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year
olds I know still don't.
Get plenty of calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe
you won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky
chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don't
congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your
choices are half chance, so are everybody else's. Enjoy your body,
use it every way you can…don't be afraid of it, or what other people
think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever
own..
Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.
Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
(Brother and sister together we'll make it through
Someday your spirit will take you and guide you there
I know you've been hurting, but I know I've been waiting to be there
for you. And I'll be there, just helping you out, whenever I can.
Everybody's free.)
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for
good.
Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the
people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you
should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and
lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you
knew when you were young.
Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live
in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Travel.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you too will get old, and when you do you'll fantasize
that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were
noble and children respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund,
maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one
might run out.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will
look 85.
Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of
fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the
ugly parts and recycling it for more than
it's worth.

Wear sunscreen.

Ah, maybe the wrong vibe, nevermind...

wanders off

@Poshjock can I just say that having looked at this again today (it’s our team meeting tomorrow and ‘Journal Time’ sadly so I’ve been re-reading the thread for little nuggets to throw in) I really enjoyed reading this:)

[lovenotwar149]

Suggesting you do it - fine.
Expecting it to be done - not fine
Telling people to read them out in front of their colleagues - fucking outrageous
Agree with this completely! I personally keep a gratitude journal and for me is it a game changer. It is my PRIVATE journal though!

[itsgettingweird]

@SilverHairedCat

"I'm grateful that my gratitude journal was eaten by the dog. Not having to complete it makes me relaxed and the memory of it being shredded gives me joy".

🤣🤣

[BluesCluesToo]

I completely get the sense of gratitude that comes when you do a poo before work. Nothing worse than needing to go at work but having to hold on to it as you don't want to poo in the work toilets. Probably best not to write that in a journal you've got to share though!

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

I completely get the sense of gratitude that comes when you do a poo before work. Nothing worse than needing to go at work but having to hold on to it as you don't want to poo in the work toilets. Probably best not to write that in a journal you've got to share though!

No, go ahead and tell them - the manager has already established that personal boundaries and privacy are to be firmly flung aside here. In fact, with the liberal use of some Nutella and 'flower pressing' technique, turn it into a show-and-tell - and guarantee that you will never be the one asked to share your 'gratitude journey' ever again

[WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll]

....what is it with the not using a work toilet as a toilet, though?!

[MrsToothyBitch]

Personally I'm grateful that I am the only woman in the building, so I can use the work loo as fully intended. That'd be one for the diary for sure.

[NeverDropYourMooncup]

I'm grateful that my body allows me to wait until I get to work and be paid to have a lengthy poo....

[caranations]

If it's reasonable tomorrow weather-wise you could go with:

"It's a beautiful day and I can't stop myself from smiling"

[AdifferentGoat]

"I'm grateful that I am now able to sit straight for the first time in ten years. That hemorrhoid was no joke."

Then smile and chug prune juice.

[SheilaWilcox]

She should not be a MHFA if she can't see how hard/triggering this kind of thing would be for some people.

[mathanxiety]

Yellow socks..

[Weatherwax13]

DH's new manager hasn't gone this far (yet).
But in the Monday Teams meeting, everyone is supposed to tell everyone something they did on the weekend.
It's like being back in primary school.
DH's last two that I overheard:
.We got a canary. Wish I could show you but Weatherwax loves it so much she's taken the cage out in the car with her.
.Weatherwax painted the kitchen Barbie pink. I like it more than I thought I would.
Wish I cld remember some more. It's always about me though, not him
Tell her you're grateful she took that Mental Health First Aid Course and you'd all love to see her certificate.