How the other half lives, what and when you learned

[tomorrowalready]

Reflecting from another thread made me realise it was not until my 20s I found out some people expected to have a private bathroom. I went to university then and shared with another mature student who had been married, divorced and said she found having to share a bathroom with unrelated people unpleasant. I had always taken it for granted as had live in jobs and rented bedsits before. She was a lovely person and also the first person I knew who had a glass of wine every evening and she introduced me to many new things - cooking with garlic, sherry, owning and using a car for shopping for example.

So what did you take for granted that surprised other people you met?

I went to a wedding once where they had all these food stalls serving every kind of food imaginable, and waiters bringing round champagne and cocktails and canapes. Everything was delicious. I'd never seen food like it. I stuffed my face voraciously. And then an announcement, "Would the guests please take their seats in the next room for dinner"!!!!!!!! We then had to survive a 7-course meal!!!!!!!! It was amazing and kind of a torture at the same time, because I was bursting at the seams but couldn't possibly leave any of this delicious food.

When I was in my late teens, I used to do a lot of agency waitressing work, and that often featured a lot of weddings.

Most of them were fairly normal affairs, but the one that will always stick in my mind as a "how the other half live" moment was when the couple had married at a cathedral. The transport to the lavish reception venue for all the guests was by boat along the coast and I found myself trying to serve canapes and champagne while not falling over as the waves caused the boat to sway. I did not have sea legs.

It was also very 'nouveau riche' generally. It was a 17 hour day and normally you can expect to be given some food when waitressing at a wedding - but on this occasion there was nothing whatsoever for the waiting staff (I seem to remember the bride had refused to pay, and there were no leftovers) and nowhere to buy anything to eat. I nearly fainted.

By contrast I remember working an anniversary party for someone who was pretty much landed gentry. The wife of the couple came around, asked the waiting staff if we were all getting on alright, made sure we ate and offered me a cardigan because she thought I looked cold!

Trust the British to do tribalism in such a weird and Byzantine manner. Only the country (a) with no written constitution and (b) that invented cricket could do it.

I love this description I’d add understanding the rules of the British class system is like understanding the rules of Mornington Crescent

@PattyPan

Trust the British to do tribalism in such a weird and Byzantine manner. Only the country (a) with no written constitution and (b) that invented cricket could do it.

I love this description I’d add understanding the rules of the British class system is like understanding the rules of Mornington Crescent

Yes this!

And to those commenting on whether or not I considered the family holding the children’s party as rich. I would say they were very definitely wealthy which is a different thing from the super rich which I consider to be people with hundreds of millions of not billions. At no point did I say they weren’t rich, just not super rich!

@tomorrowalready in my country tennis (it was just an example) is also considered a sport for people with enough disposable income (at least MC). However you won't hear poorer people talk about it with disdain, saying that people who play tennis are "insert classist rude word of choice". And richer people won't talk about pound shops, for example, with disdain either. That's what I meant

@ScrollingLeaves

Caffeinefirst Re: “supper” “To my ears sounded pretentious and ridiculously posh. Which is strange because it’s just a word but to me supper was your cup of cocoa and digestive biscuit before bed.“

This use of supper has crept in.
Dinner was the main meal of the day ( at lunch time for some, night for others) supper was a small meal or snack before going to bed or late night after the theatre, or a child’s evening meal because they had their main one at lunch.
You can still see this description in some dictionaries.

I’m reading a book recently published called “Scoff”, which has masses of fascinating material on food history in relation to class, as well as geographical differences. www.theguardian.com/books/2020/nov/04/scoff-by-pen-volger-review-food-and-class-in-britain

Well, grey12, it took an Irishman born under the British Empire to point out, " It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman despise him."

@Iomamaina, that book sounds interesting, I will look out for it. I am one of those who had supper late evening , after 9.30 pm, usually cheese and biscuits and tea or milk for the younger children. Now and since University so many years ago all my meals have migrated later and later until it just gets to late to bother.

Sorry grey12 and everbody, I forgot the Irishman's name - George Bernard Shaw. Now I am on the horns of a modern dilemma . Is it more offensive to think the author may not have been recognised or to assume he would have been?

Also , in my last post, too late to bother.

One of my teens went to a friend of a friends house for the afternoon. DD came back and said the house was so posh they even had a spiral egg holder on the counter lol. When I was young we were poor and i thought my school friend was super rich as she had a porch you could put shoes in lol. A friend of DS said we are posh we have a water dispenser. You kind of take for granted what you have that others don't.

@korawick12345

And to those commenting on whether or not I considered the family holding the children’s party as rich. I would say they were very definitely wealthy which is a different thing from the super rich which I consider to be people with hundreds of millions of not billions. At no point did I say they weren’t rich, just not super rich!

I wasn't having a poke at you, @korawick12345 -- just that it really does show how we have different pigeon-holes for levels of wealth and a lot of our individual grading systems reflect what we've been exposed to (e.g. through work).

I remember going to a school friend's birthday party in the 70s when I was about 6. They had a big house with a bar, which was something I'd never seen before! Someone told me my friend's dad was a millionaire, & I didn't even know what a millionaire was...

@ZednotZee

Of you have a regional accent you verifiably are not middle class.

I say this as somebody with a regional accent, privately educated via scholarship and two first class honours degrees.

I know plenty of MC people and I'm not one of them.

Oh what rubbish. Most middle class people have regional accents. The middle class is much bigger than just the people who speak RP. It's roughly half the population.

"A friend of DS said we are posh we have a water dispenser."

What does a water dispenser do that a tap doesn't? Genuine question.

@tomorrowalready

Well, grey12, it took an Irishman born under the British Empire to point out, " It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman despise him."

that is a wise observation!

When I was young, 9 or 10, we lived on a council estate and no-one else had ever had a chinese take away except for our family and one other.

@Gwenhwyfar

"A friend of DS said we are posh we have a water dispenser."

What does a water dispenser do that a tap doesn't? Genuine question.

It does boiling or ice cold water, so basically a fancy kettle & water filter rolled into one. We have people in our family with disabilities and autism, so it's great as you just press a button and a set amount comes out.

I love the landed gentry V nouveau rich anecdotes. They are invariably not true and feed in to the battered Volvo covered in dog hair nonsense.

@PattyPan

Trust the British to do tribalism in such a weird and Byzantine manner. Only the country (a) with no written constitution and (b) that invented cricket could do it.

I love this description I’d add understanding the rules of the British class system is like understanding the rules of Mornington Crescent

100% this.

As ex landed gentry (who spent all their money) now very very comfortable because of the working class lad I married, I would no more drive a battered volvo covered in dog hair than eat chips with curry sauce .

Not to say I wouldn't drive an old battered car and have kept all of mine until they are 10 but there's no way I'd allow it, or anything else to be covered in dog hair.

It's rather entertaining that on the one hand my mother is irked by DH and his antecedents and yet it's him who keeps me in the style my mother was accustomed to.

@RosesAndHellebores

Your mother should additionally be inordinately pleased that your DH secured her grandchildren a positive genetic inheritance by the sound of things.

[quote ZednotZee]@RosesAndHellebores

Your mother should additionally be inordinately pleased that your DH secured her grandchildren a positive genetic inheritance by the sound of things.[/quote]
What on earth do you mean by this?

You wouldn't eat chips with curry sauce?
I boarded at my prep school from 8-12, and in my last year was allowed to go 'up town', ie the High Street, on Saturday afternoons.
And what was my Saturday afternoon treat, do you think?
Highlight of my week, it was.
And now I want some

Simoly that genetic diversity confers a distinct physical and immunological advantage on an individual level.

The landed gentry are arguably those most in need of diverse genes. Similarly the same can be true for certain echelons of the working class, dependant upon geographical location.

Ha ha - my epitaph will say "here lies Roses, who tried so hard to please her mother".