How the other half lives, what and when you learned

[tomorrowalready]

Reflecting from another thread made me realise it was not until my 20s I found out some people expected to have a private bathroom. I went to university then and shared with another mature student who had been married, divorced and said she found having to share a bathroom with unrelated people unpleasant. I had always taken it for granted as had live in jobs and rented bedsits before. She was a lovely person and also the first person I knew who had a glass of wine every evening and she introduced me to many new things - cooking with garlic, sherry, owning and using a car for shopping for example.

So what did you take for granted that surprised other people you met?

@wonderstuff

I've only ever had one completely other worldly experience. When my son was at pre-school he got a party invite, the address was only a house name and village, no street name or number, I didn't know the village well, thought maybe it only had one or two roads, but no, it had at least half a dozen, just that this house was big enough that it was easy to find. The Au pair answered the door, I had been planning to drop and run as I had my older child too, but we were all welcomed in and offered food and drinks and they were happy for my 6 year old to join in. This house had 3 gardens, all of them huge.

One mum was explaining how upset she was to miss out on concert tickets as they'd sold out, some big artist, Ed Sheeran maybe, another mum gave her the number of someone she new who had lots of contacts and could often get sold out tickets! Still no idea who this person might have been, but the idea that contacts can get access to things like that? Then an ice cream can arrived, they'd hired it for the party, there were less than a dozen kids and they and all the adults got to have whatever they wanted!

The child whose party it was went to a prep school and I never saw them again. I am quite comfortably middle class and have been poor, I've met a wide range of people, but this was the only experience of super rich that I've had up close. Still don't quite understand how people can afford massive homes and expensive schools and expensive cars and holidays.

It's interesting because that to me isn't super rich it's middle class! But there are plenty of people on MN who describe themselves as middle class but who I would not categorise in the same way.

Great thread.
I learnt that not all middle class people vote Tory and not all working class vote Labour. Took me a surprising amount of time to learn this.

I grew up in a family with little money until I was about 8. Then suddenly we had more and I was maybe one of the first to get a bidet, shower and dishwasher installed.

I wasn't nurtured or valued/respected as a kid - often went unscathed to school with dirty and smelly clothes. But our house was immaculate. Friends would be confused and surprised between the state of me and our house.

Now my parents are extremely affluent but their attitudes towards refugees, for example, are a disgrace. I sometimes feel ashamed of them and we aren't close.

I remember asking my best friend why she didnt get a Walkman for xmas. I couldn't understand why she hadn't, they were so cheap. I went over and said about everything I'd got, not being mean, just didn't get it. I still feel terrible about this.

When I was in my early 20s and started drinking wine rather than cider and spirits I remember loudly complaining that my wine wasnt sufficiently chilled - it was red! caused much amusement! I remember thinking it very posh if someone had a home with more than one loo! Now it's the norm in our circles- although we don't.

Now I would say my family - dh, kids and I are middle class. We have very little disposable income, but spend it on music lessons and gym classes etc. We drive an old banger but go out for food w kids occasionally. We tend to have little treats and maybe indulge on a weekly basis rather than saving it for expensive holidays for example.

"I can’t do an impromptu “let’s have coffee” or “fancy a an evening at the pub tonight” either. Every penny is accounted for. No matter how many times I explained that no, I couldn’t just have a quick lunch out for £15 as that was a quarter of our weekly shopping budget, they just didn’t get it."

See, that really is beyond me, that people are so fucking self-absorbed that they can't understand the situation once it's been explained once (it's different if they've never come across it before, obvs)
I've had several friends who were on a very tight budget and who either couldn't come out, or if they did then they bought their own drinks and their own meals (no rounds or splitting the bill) AND we all went somewhere that was within their budget. And if they couldn't come, then we understood! It's not really hard to wrap your head around once someone has told you their situation!

@PaulaTrilloe

Being "interviewed" by my friends mother when I went to visit. It was like a job interview!

I get was a sign of a peculiar mother and not money related!

Today I learned that having a massive detached country house with three gardens, au pair, and money to throw around at will isn't considered rich, "just" middle class.

How neat and tidy and white peoples homes are. I grew up with magnolia walls and brown carpets. My home is colourful VERY colourful.
Biggest one is men and women can be friends without there being sexual feelings. I adore my make friend but have no sexual feelings towards him

@cakeseeker

Today I learned that having a massive detached country house with three gardens, au pair, and money to throw around at will isn't considered rich, "just" middle class.

TBF i did say super-rich, which IMO is of a whole different order of magnitude.

@cakeseeker

Today I learned that having a massive detached country house with three gardens, au pair, and money to throw around at will isn't considered rich, "just" middle class.

Yes, I did a double take at that too. I think that poster maybe needs to recognise a few intermediate categories, otherwise it would mean a very broad category of middle class to cover public sector professionals earning 40k, up to hedge fund managers earning millions. To me a family with one parent who is at professional/managerial level is middle class, 200k plus family income a year is wealthy/affluent, the hedge fund manager is rich and Roman Abramovich is super-rich.

Most professionals earning 40K would consider themselves resolutely working class.

The middle class are by far the minority in present day Britain and I would imagine its their parents who earned 40K back in the eighties/nineties.

@ZednotZee

Most professionals earning 40K would consider themselves resolutely working class.

The middle class are by far the minority in present day Britain and I would imagine its their parents who earned 40K back in the eighties/nineties.

But it’s not the salary that denotes class, it’s being a professional- ie educated above school level and in a profession or managerial role.

Blue collar vs white collar.

@HaveringWavering - totally agree and I do definitely recognise those intermediate categories :). It's just if people want to talk about mc and super rich then i would separate out those with 50m+(rich) into a different category from those with maybe

@ZednotZee

Most professionals earning 40K would consider themselves resolutely working class.

The middle class are by far the minority in present day Britain and I would imagine its their parents who earned 40K back in the eighties/nineties.

This is so wrong, most people earning the average wage consider themselves middle class.

Also @ZednotZee people can be MC but have come from a WC background. As soon as you get a MC job (not salary) you are MC.

when I went to college in the late 60s one the first 'trips around the city' we were taken on was to the wash house which performed a very social function apart from the obvious. The steam from the washing sinks, the noise from the huge 5ft high spin dryers and the heat....oh the heat from the dryers - which were slide out units with bars for the washing that slid back in over a raging furnace. The washing took about 10mins to dry and came out as stiff as cardboard, so then it had to go through the calandering machine, then the ironing machine to make it usable.

Truly an eye opener for a soft little weedy country girl

@HaveringWavering

Also *@ZednotZee* people can be MC but have come from a WC background. As soon as you get a MC job (not salary) you are MC.

Totally disagree - I don't think you can change class in your lifetime, class and wealth are distinct and class is based on far more than just occupation (talking about England here). If you are wc and move into a profession then you will remain working class but it is likely any children you have will be m/c. Mike Ashley is rich as you like but he is still wc.

So many examples but the ones that stick in my mind are not to do with wealth or class but health. I come from a family that is relatively lucky (touchwood) with physical health even into extreme old age and I remember being stupidly shocked in my early 20s when it began to dawn on me how much other people’s bodies can turn on them.

Especially women. Like googling “anal fistula” after a friend casually mentioned that she’d been in hospital for surgery for one. That was an eye opener.

Utter nonsense. My grandparents were a miner, a butcher, and two shop assistants. My parents were a PR consultant and an optician. They were 100% middle class. Or are you suggesting that my brother and I were MC and they were WC, so the family contained two separate classes?

@ZednotZee

Most professionals earning 40K would consider themselves resolutely working class.

The middle class are by far the minority in present day Britain and I would imagine its their parents who earned 40K back in the eighties/nineties.

Class identity is more about cultural stuff (education, what the job actually is, interests) than salary. I actually think many more people consider themselves (lower) middle class than previously, people who maybe don’t have all the traditional/stereotypical markers of being middle class but went to university, go on more holidays than their working class parents, or have a job such as teacher or nurse rather than retail or tradesperson for example - even if they don’t earn more.

@HaveringWavering

Utter nonsense. My grandparents were a miner, a butcher, and two shop assistants. My parents were a PR consultant and an optician. They were 100% middle class. Or are you suggesting that my brother and I were MC and they were WC, so the family contained two separate classes?

Exactly that!

I think I have always had pretty good insight. In 1960s Newcastle I remember my mother's tales about her teaching classes of very very poor children in the 1940s for example and seeing the tramps around town and hearing about their lives, never mind our Church (Catholic) being pretty good at showing people how others live.

I certainly remember when I was about 21 my soon to be husband's parents house having a shower! My parents house only had a bath and if you wanted to wash your head you had to put those rubber shower hose things over the sink taps and push it over towards the bath once a week.

Respectfully disagree. And I was there so I should know .

@korawick12345 on what basis are you making that broad brush generalisation. Based on what you’re saying, social mobility wouldn’t be a thing.

I would say I grew up in a WC background. Certainly not middle class. Now? I would say I am towards the lower end of the middle class. By no means am I comfortably wealthy (i still worry about money), but my children’s upbringing could not be more different to mine.

I would say I’m the epitome of social mobility. And I have come from a family of one class and moved into another. I would say I’m not alone and friends who would firmly put themselves as WC backgrounds are now very similar to me. None of us would say we’re working class, but we weren’t middle class growing up.

So how does that work?

@HaveringWavering

Respectfully disagree. And I was there so I should know .

Not really - that's the thing about class it isn't self defined it is far far more about how others read you than how you see yourself! But you have a different opinion so fair enough!

“Know your place!” eh @korawick12345?

Okay then.