How the other half lives, what and when you learned

[tomorrowalready]

Reflecting from another thread made me realise it was not until my 20s I found out some people expected to have a private bathroom. I went to university then and shared with another mature student who had been married, divorced and said she found having to share a bathroom with unrelated people unpleasant. I had always taken it for granted as had live in jobs and rented bedsits before. She was a lovely person and also the first person I knew who had a glass of wine every evening and she introduced me to many new things - cooking with garlic, sherry, owning and using a car for shopping for example.

So what did you take for granted that surprised other people you met?

@tomorrowalready - that's interesting re the Latin and other subjects. I was privately educated and started French when I was 7 and Latin at 9. Loved both subjects and can't understand why Latin isn't taught now. Amazing how it can be so useful if you want to know where words come from, etc. (there's one!).

I fully relate to this.
My husband likes to 'jokingly' compare our childhoods. What I thought was pretty much the general standard, is world's from what he did.

Holidays - we didn’t go on holiday until I was about 10 and that was just within the UK. We used to go and visit/stay with friends and family but we never went on holiday, we just couldn’t afford it.
The first time I went on a plane was aged 13 with school.

Interesting that a lot of comprehensives limited the number of science GCSEs or the breadth of subjects in general.

My old comp is limited nowadays but we had a huge choice (early 90s). You could do 1, 2 or 3 sciences, plus rural science was an option. All the usual subjects were offered and we could take Latin as an extra, which I did. You could take both French and German. (Obviously you couldn’t do ALL these otherwise you’d be taking about 18 subjects).

The only way it fell down compared to other local comps is that it didn’t offer any AS levels. A lot of schools offered 1 of 2 locally, usually maths or a foreign language. (No schools in the county had their own 6th form).

Sorry to slightly derail, and also I cant quote!
But social-democracy (even if it hasnt caught on in England) does not mean everyone earns the same.
Education and responsibility is reflected in the amount you earn.

It means however, that everyone working full time (37,5 hours a week) earns a living wage, and that the difference between the earners at the top and the earners at the bottom of the scale is not too big.
What is «too big a difference» can always be debated, but I find that many of the examples given here definitely falls into the category «too big a difference»!
A living wage should be easy to calculate.
And the possibility of a higher education should not be withheld for such a large part of the population, as is now the case in England at least. Just having the possibility but choosing something else is a world apart from having no options at all, dont you agree?

I can honestly say that I took for granted that everyone had two parents, a mummy and a daddy who loved them and a home where you felt secure. How wrong was I?! Realising as a teenager what a ‘broken’ home meant and then as a parent that it can happen to anyone and that the term ‘broken’ was derogatory and not helpful.

My son got a free ride to a private school here in America. He was invited to a birthday party and the family had a million dollar Chihuly chandelier in the entrance way. Their main living area was cavernous despite having 8 massive leather sofas around the edges. They had a full sized indoor pool and outdoor pool as well as a boat dock. It was so very different to our tiny condo.

@turbonerd

Sorry to slightly derail, and also I cant quote! But social-democracy (even if it hasnt caught on in England) does not mean everyone earns the same. Education and responsibility is reflected in the amount you earn.

It means however, that everyone working full time (37,5 hours a week) earns a living wage, and that the difference between the earners at the top and the earners at the bottom of the scale is not too big.
What is «too big a difference» can always be debated, but I find that many of the examples given here definitely falls into the category «too big a difference»!
A living wage should be easy to calculate.
And the possibility of a higher education should not be withheld for such a large part of the population, as is now the case in England at least. Just having the possibility but choosing something else is a world apart from having no options at all, dont you agree?

Higher education isn’t withheld from a large section of society, it’s shoved down their throats along with the debt that accompanies it. The push to get so many people into higher education is half the problem.

When I was a kid and my aunt wouldn't stfu about DisneyWorld and cruises and her huge cars and all the other shit she had that we couldn't afford in a million years.

We were quite poor but never went hungry, clothes were few and holidays were never abroad and often just staying with friends or distant family. No car so buses everywhere never a taxi. Then I met someone who had a very poor upbringing, used to buy bags of bread crusts off the VG van, his gran dried out the tea bags and reused them 🤢

We didn’t have a fridge for ages so , as a child, I was obsessed by ice cubes. We didn’t have a phone either, that was a luxury. Happy days.

Going to my best friend’s house (which wasn’t a council house) and they had leather sofas with big buttons (our sofa was 5th hand from a neighbour) and I stayed for ‘tea’ which was ‘dinner’ to them. My friend’s mum asked if I wanted rice and I said ‘yes please, I love rice’ and she plated you this dry, white, grainy stuff! I thought she meant rice pudding! That was a long drawn out meal with me feeling more and more dehydrated with every grain in my mouth. Awful experience of feeling not common and good enough.

Went round their house the following year and the same friend’s Nan made me sit on newspapers as she thought my jeans were dirty and would mess up their new [fabric] sofas.

Made me feel like shit for about 20 years.

Obviously I’m very middle class now and love rice 😂

I briefly dated a posh lad - he'd gone to Eton and he was lovely but OMG when I went to stay at the family home how my eyes were opened... I thought I'd be like Princess Di when she goes to Balmoral, jolly hockey sticks and sing a longs and hearty walks and admittedly there were pictures of his ancestors up the stairs etc in a large manor etc, antiques everywhere...

However his family spent the whole time shrieking at each other in the worst possible language parent to parent, parent to child, child to child (all adults) and the house was filthy.

Just goes to show that being massively privileged doesn't necessarily make you happy!

@MagicSummer, yours is the sort of education I would have been envious of. I did French, Germanto O level and Welsh for 2 years, I regret not paying more attention in Latin. The teacher was a fascinating character as I think he was past official retirement age and had had a poor beginning in life before self-teaching himself classics and going into teaching. Of course being crass kids we just made fun of him.

I was on the cusp of so many changes in the 1970s, education among them. I had seen my older brothers and sister fail the 11 plus, actually think at the schools we went to they just said to the children 'Oh, by the way you've got an exam today'. None of this tutoring and preparation.

Anyway they went to the Secondary Modern but in my year the new comprehensive was introduced which meant travelling 2 miles to the old grammar school for the first two years. It was a real old building (300 years) with the old desks with attached seats and the staff in gowns. I remember the headmaster there giving us a talk about 'the underprivileged' and realising that was me and the others who came up the hill by bus. Even then I wondered what level of 'privilege' was the right level.

Our family, when I came along, no longer had loads of money, but they did have VERY long memories, thus I learned how to set a formal table with as many as SIX specific forks and three spoons. I never used the knowledge, but to this day (I'm almost 70 years old), I could do it.

But I realized back around 1972 how far below "posh" we were when the son of friends of my parents offhandedly remarked, "Yeah, I made out like a bandit on my last divorce. I just settled $3 million on her, and we were done." THAT rocked me back on my heels.

To put that 3 million in context, 1 million in 1972 woud be worth something over 6 million today, in the USA.

I remember being amazed that people actually pay for a meal out and then leave the chips or salad l was about 22 years.l was bought up hearing the children in Africa would be grateful

I had a very naice MC upbringing. My Dad was a self made man and we lived in detached house, my mum didn’t work. I passed the 11 plus and went to a local grammar. It became very apparent to me very quickly that I was ‘different’ to the other girls.
Eg no second hand uniform, mum just look me to the local department store and bought it outright. One thing that had always stuck in my mind is that at the end of the very first term we were going on a trip to London to see a play. The cost was £5. I told my dad and he wrote me a cheque and at the next English lesson the teacher asked if anyone had money for the trip. I was the only girl to pay in full that day.
Girls were paying 10p here, 25p there for the entire term to pay it off. I couldn’t comprehend this, it was the first time I’d seen the concept of not being able to afford something.
So in my experience, 99% of girls I went to grammar school with were from considerably poorer backgrounds than me.
When I went to Uni, although I didn’t get a grant, my dad found out how much it would have been, gave me a cheque for the same amount and if I wanted more money I had to get a job.
So my Uni experience was far more akin to most other students. Constantly broke, grotty digs and having to work to pay my way.
I think my dad had the balance right. It taught me the value of money and to stand on my own two feet financially.
ETA, I am still in touch with my school friends and most of them went onto Uni and then into professional roles. This was in the 80’s in the Midlands.

@flowersinthewind

I remember being amazed that people actually pay for a meal out and then leave the chips or salad l was about 22 years.l was bought up hearing the children in Africa would be grateful

They used this line at school where they had a sit till you finish policy for school lunch. The food really was appalling. The policy was "reconsidered" after one child projectile vomited cold cabbage accross the table. I remember about age 15, my lovely form teacher was passing on messages at registration and one of them was a comment about how much waste there was at lunch...she mentioned the starving poor in Africa and before I could stop myself I said "pack it up and send it to them" There was a horrified silence in the classroom and she just said "I know but I have to say it" I did apologise for my rudeness. Thank you Miss Shelmerdine

@Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow

My family was not well off but we did live in a big house in an expensive area. We did have a cleaner.

yes you were!

No, we really weren't. I know it may be difficult to understand, it was a very unusual upbringing, but we were not at all well off. For several years, neighbours paid the mortgage (I found out when I was older, all my clothes were donated or hand me downs and we were extremely thin, lunch was a marmite sandwich.

The cleaner was because my mum was very ill.

I grew up without much. One parent family with a sometime overwhelmed mum, a bit of benign neglect, we qualified for free school meals, etc. But my mum, despite struggling, was good at making us feel like we could do anything we wanted and both my brother and I got into JMB (so Russel Group now) universities.

Gap years and become a “thing” and I was wondering about trying to do Operation Raleigh which looked amazing, but you had to raise something like 2k to go. The operation suggested all sorts of fundraising ideas - sponsored swims, Saturday car wash, afternoon teas, etc. But it was basically raising money from family and friends and it seemed like it would be such hard work. We heard lots about how impressive such an activity would be for Uni Entrance and I thought, fair enough, it’s a lot of work.

I didn’t do a gap year in the end, just went straight to uni where I met several people who had done Op Raleigh. Turns out all of them had basically done a couple of sponsored things as lip service and basically been given the funds by Parents or grandparents. My respect for all those sorts of things, that seemed like great achievements for 16 - 18 year olds, vanished overnight. It was a disappointing lesson, but one that has stood me in good stead over the years. I see lots of fawning over young people who seem so accomplished and very, very few of them are actually the architects fo their success. It’s far more likely to be a sign of parental wealth than youthful talent or unusual gumption.

[quote tomorrowalready]@MagicSummer, yours is the sort of education I would have been envious of. I did French, Germanto O level and Welsh for 2 years, I regret not paying more attention in Latin. The teacher was a fascinating character as I think he was past official retirement age and had had a poor beginning in life before self-teaching himself classics and going into teaching. Of course being crass kids we just made fun of him.

I was on the cusp of so many changes in the 1970s, education among them. I had seen my older brothers and sister fail the 11 plus, actually think at the schools we went to they just said to the children 'Oh, by the way you've got an exam today'. None of this tutoring and preparation.

Anyway they went to the Secondary Modern but in my year the new comprehensive was introduced which meant travelling 2 miles to the old grammar school for the first two years. It was a real old building (300 years) with the old desks with attached seats and the staff in gowns. I remember the headmaster there giving us a talk about 'the underprivileged' and realising that was me and the others who came up the hill by bus. Even then I wondered what level of 'privilege' was the right level.[/quote]
Your description of your new comprehensive reminds me so much of my own. Ours was the old grammar school. We had huge velvet curtains on the stage in the school hall where someone had unpicked the G from the Name+Grammar+School monogram and the ghosted G of darker velvet stood out for all to see. We had teachers who openly despaired of us all, because they had taught at the grammar and were now expected to teach the masses. They used to stand up in front of class and wax lyrical about the good old days a couple of years earlier when they had had wonderful pupils. They had no idea how to control a class as they'd never had to. It was Bedlam.

@Gwenhwyfar

"we all learned at school how to put out a chip pan fire"

Yes, I learned this, but luckily by the time I was old enough to be making them myself we had oven chips.

We learned it too! Madness.

The cookery lesson I remember best is making fish cakes with a pound of potatoes and a tin of salmon. Only I didn't weigh them. I thought a pound of potatoes was a sack of potatoes. The teacher came round and was surprised that everyone except me had enough mix to make six cakes, and I was still smashing out dozens of them. We had to take our treasures home for the family to enjoy for dinner. Even nextdoor's dog refused to eat mine.

Sorry for the slight diversion from the original thread.

My parents were ordinary people but as i was an only child i was quite privledged i didnt realise it at time but i was compared with others,My dad always had a job,we had a car,a phone,my parents bought their rented house .My mum would buy me fillet steak for tea and when i stopped eating red meat,salmon etc And unlike many of my contempories i never had to get a saturday job,My parents gave me what i wanted.

When i hear people of my generation talk about their hard childhoods i realise i was pretty lucky.

@EspressoDoubleShot
You were well off. It’s really a bit off to type that and then protest yiu weren’t well off. Posters are candidly recalling the absolute grind of being broke and you’re recalling having a cleaner

You're jumping to conclusions.

We were very much poor, we were even on a documentary about poverty. The cleaner was bc my mum was so sick. Maybe they were paid by others too, I don't know.