Absolutely Ridiculous Things in Books

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

I’m reading (it’s painful and I will use it for kindling when I’m finished) Just My Luck by Adele Parks. I actually used to enjoy her books back in the day for a bit of mindless escapism and the characters were well-written but they’ve slid into lunacy over the last few years. Think twins pretending to be the same person and getting married to one guy (or something like that) and a mum’s glamorous 45 year old mate shagging her 17 year old son and getting pregnant while they all live under the same roof.

The latest one they win the lottery and calamity ensues in the most implausible ways possible.

The daughter in this one is musing over the fact that her boyfriend has turned into a bit of cad and she’s moping about, and musing over missing ‘the musty smell of his balls’

THE MUSTY SMELL OF HIS BALLS.

The character in question is FIFTEEN. She was ONLY FIFTEEN YEARS OLD (in the voice of Micheal Caine)

Please add, there must be loads, and we can have a laugh on this horrible wet January afternoon.

@MrsBennettsSecretSon

Tara road stressed me out, the heroine just accepts being treated awfully by her nasty teenage daughter, her nasty ex, and the OW (and OWs mum I think )

Then becomes “successful” baking cookies

Does she go to the USA in that book?

They all merge a bit

No, I didn't like Rachel from the start, nor did I trust her account of events. She just did not have anything about her that made her trustworthy or likeable. I bought itfor myself and as a gift for my mum on the basis of the rave reviews. I read it, then phoned my mum to apologize for sending it to her.

@itssquidstella

At a similar time I did quite enjoy a book called Immaculate Conceit, in which our twenty something girl about town heroine shags the Angel Gabriel, gets knocked up and gives birth to the new Messiah.

I remember that one. Actually I quite enjoyed it . The idea was fun and different but the ending let it down iirc.

Mind you, I read more or less anything 🤷🏻‍♀️

@MissingLinker

I do enjoy a "too beautiful to possibly be attractive to men" main character.

"It was hopeless, Kate thought, looking in the mirror. At 5'8" she towered over her friends and felt a veritable giraffe next to them. Not a day went by where she didn't curse her long, long legs.

And she was too thin, she felt. She could see the looks of pity in men's eyes as they locked on her 22" waist, thought it at least meant they weren't looking at the awkward way her breasts stuck out. The 36DD globes were just too damn pert! She just wasn't like all the other women who needed bras, she thought miserably, bemoaning her poor luck.

Her face was all wrong, as well. Kate's mother had always said she had lovely eyes, the lying bitch! Kate knew it wasn't true, her eyes were a bizarre emerald green and too large for her face. Much too large- had it not been for her childishly velvet like skin (it had been a great embarrassment to her when she was a teenager, tragically unable to have pimples like all the other, more grown up girl in her year), blemished only by a faint smattering of freckles which persisted in blighting her, no matter how many rounds of sandblasting she put herself through- she would have looked like a wretched Victorian waif.

Oh and the hair! Her thick, dark waist length hair was impossible to tame, requiring brushing at least thrice a month. It gave a poor frame to her ugly, elfin features. The only good thing about her cheekbones was that, when money was tight, she could hire them out to diamond cutters in Antwerp whose machines had broken down. "

Poor Kate.

You forgot the part where her lips were slightly too generous!

@DAVYBOY46

Hi I never ever read fiction......I have just finished the true story of Lady Astor's maid starting around the 1930's wonderful. I am now reading about the Lady who became the 19 year old bride of the owner of Highclere Castle ( the real Downton Abbey ) at the turn of the 1900's Countess of Carnarvon.....so I do not have to worry about Very strange plots etc.

Is that the Lady Astor whose husband died on The Titanic? She had a very strange and unhappy life (as did a lot of the survivors, perhaps unsurprisingly).

Either way, thank you, sounds fascinating, I’ll look it up.

@CounsellorTroi

Yes, I love Susan Howatch, the Sturbridge series are excellent, I liked the St Benets trilogy too, but not as much.

The Wheel of Fortune is one of my favourite rereads. I love a family house saga if it’s well written.

@notafanoftheman

Have you enjoyed every literary classic you've ever read?

No but I’m not the one claiming to read so fast that I read all the classics in a year and nearly all other books are shit.

Though tbf your second post changed that opening scenario totally.

Yes, I phrased the first post badly in an attempt to be lighthearted, and also to forestall people taking the trouble to post suggesting the free out of copyright books on Kindle in case they thought I didn't know about them. That's why I clarified it when this was pointed out to me - which I'd posted some time before your comment..

I don't think I've said 'nearly all other books are shit'. What I said was that my finances mean I can't always afford to get hold of every 'non shit' book I'd like to read. Books at the cheaper end of the market are often hit and miss - some gems, of course, but some very formulaic or not very well edited.

@singsingbluesilver

The book that had the most ridiculous ending for me was Captain Corelli's Mandolin . I read it a very long time ago so I may be misremembering, but as I reacall the y had a great, passionate love affair. She was the love of his life. Despite the terrible odds and circumstances of war they kept on loving each other.

And then, he comes back to the island and sees her with a small child. He thinks to himself that she has either been unfaithful to him, or possibly raped (may have misremembered that bit). Anyway, because he sees her with this child (not hers, she had pretty much adopted her) he leaves. He does not think of speaking to her - this great love of his life who he has spent a tragic time apart from due to the war - no, he just walks away.

When they are old he comes back to the village and they drive off into the sunset on a motorbike.

Why? Why wouldn't he have just spoken to her????? A great book ruined for me.

You've crossed a line now, my friend. I won't hear a BAD WORD SAID.

@iklboo

My only encounter with Adele Parks was years ago. I can’t remember what the book was, but I got as far as the heroine “whelping” with surprise and could go no further.

I quite often shoot puppies out me foof when startled.

I wish I did.

Sadly startling me these days is more likely to lead to a pelvic floor related incident

[quote OnceUponAMidnightBeery]@CounsellorTroi

Yes, I love Susan Howatch, the Sturbridge series are excellent, I liked the St Benets trilogy too, but not as much.

The Wheel of Fortune is one of my favourite rereads. I love a family house saga if it’s well written.[/quote]
Amazing books, i wish she'd write something else.

I've enjoyed all her books

Somewhatbored:

I got a Kobo reader for Christmas, and am enjoying lots of library books. But if you're looking to do that, our library uses RBdigital for magazines, and the Libby app, with Overdrive, for books, and I believe Kindle isn't compatible. Could be wrong, but if this is the case, sorry.

Just reading A House of Ghosts (W.C.Ryan) through the library app, and if it was you who said you also weren't keen on police procedurals, you might really like it. During WW1, on a stormy island, potential spy hunt, unsolved attacks. And ghosts, which actually adds to the intrigue. Recently read a lot of books about ghosts for some reason....(including Himself by Jess Kidd, which was also very good, and a bit of a mystery without a PO in sight. 60s Ireland)

Someone mentioned Kate Atkinson, who I think is great, but the last Jackson Brodie book of hers felt like the story was written despite him. He was pointless, and in a way, I wonder if him being there was for branding. Big Sky I think it was called. One conversation made me guffaw in it, which Kate is great at throwing at you unexpectedly.

*Starbridge, not Sturbridge!

@woodhill are there any others you’d particularly recommend? In the mood for some escapism and her writing is so engrossing.

speedtalker

I had a look at RB Digital after library e-books were recommended and the app can be downloaded to a phone, so I think I should be able to use it that way. Thank you for the W.C. Ryan recommendation - I hadn't heard of it and I enjoy books set during WW1 so will check that out.

Penmaric

The rich are different

Cashemara -

Are the other ones.

Wheel of Fortune blew me away as you mentioned

She writes from different perspectives which is great

The Starbridge novels were all so excellent too, but easy to read at the same time (I know you have read them)

That book was the worst.

Rachel's Holiday rang true for me, as someone who 'over-indulged' (to say the least) in the early 2000s. I think MK was drawing on her own experience of being an alcoholic. I reread it recently and still liked it.

Going a bit off topic, but books that are marketed as chicklit but are better than that - has anyone read any Victoria Clayton? They are my go-to when I need cheering up, a bit like Dodie Smith's 'I Capture The Castle' but more of them!

@somewhatbored Apologies, I was being a bit of a bitch.

@horseyhorsey17

Going a bit off topic, but books that are marketed as chicklit but are better than that - has anyone read any Victoria Clayton? They are my go-to when I need cheering up, a bit like Dodie Smith's 'I Capture The Castle' but more of them!

Yes - I really enjoy Victoria Clayton. A cosy read but with more to them than the standard cosy read.

@iklboo

My only encounter with Adele Parks was years ago. I can’t remember what the book was, but I got as far as the heroine “whelping” with surprise and could go no further.

I quite often shoot puppies out me foof when startled.

Fuck me that made me snort

@SmidgenofaPigeon I’ve just finished the book mentioned in your OP. I usually love Adele Parks (other than the period romances) but this new one is just odd. It’s the strangest narrative and it’s just so dull in comparison to her earlier books.

I love them but was quite confused by them for ages as they read like 'period' novels but are mainly set in the '80s. I think. I agree that for me they're a 'cosy' read but not naff like the sort of 'Christmas at the Cupcake Cafe' type thing that seems to be fashionable now. Basically, to get published atm you need to be famous, in which case any old sh*t is fine, or writing psychological thrillers or cosy Aga sagas. Bitter unpublished writer, moi?

Ooh, I love a bit of Susan Howatch but I hadn’t heard of The Wheel of Fortune - definitely adding it to my Big List.

Following this with interest and definitely agree on the deterioration of some of my favorite authors. I finished the mystery of mercy close by MK the other day. As someone who struggles with MH issues, I found it really interesting and I did enjoy it (if that's the right word for someone's mental collapse). Grown ups and the break just didn't seem as good.

A few people have recommended the podcast chat 10 looks 3. It's an Aussie show where two friends (also journalists) talk about tv and books. I don't always agree with their recommendations (Tana French is truly awful) but it's enjoyable.