Absolutely Ridiculous Things in Books

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

I’m reading (it’s painful and I will use it for kindling when I’m finished) Just My Luck by Adele Parks. I actually used to enjoy her books back in the day for a bit of mindless escapism and the characters were well-written but they’ve slid into lunacy over the last few years. Think twins pretending to be the same person and getting married to one guy (or something like that) and a mum’s glamorous 45 year old mate shagging her 17 year old son and getting pregnant while they all live under the same roof.

The latest one they win the lottery and calamity ensues in the most implausible ways possible.

The daughter in this one is musing over the fact that her boyfriend has turned into a bit of cad and she’s moping about, and musing over missing ‘the musty smell of his balls’

THE MUSTY SMELL OF HIS BALLS.

The character in question is FIFTEEN. She was ONLY FIFTEEN YEARS OLD (in the voice of Micheal Caine)

Please add, there must be loads, and we can have a laugh on this horrible wet January afternoon.

@polkadotpjs Georgette Heyer's Regency novels are my go-to fluff. I recommend These Old Shades, Regency Buck or Arabella as a first read.

I hate it when an author keeps reusing a word that they clearly don't understand. I secretly love YA fiction but it's particularly bad for this, e.g. Sarah J. Mass and 'incarnate'

@FenellaVelour

I stopped reading Outlander (Diane Gabaldon) when the bloody Loch Ness Monster made an appearance. It was already winding me right up with the appallingly written Scottish accents and the glamorised sex abuse, so it wasn’t too tough to stop. Do people just not bother to research?

Outlander the books were absolute bonfire kindling - I have read better fanfic. Ignoring the fact that she thinks its a Scotland vs England thing - hello? The Presbyterian lowlanders were never going to accept the Bonnie Prince as king, and fought harder than anyone against the highlanders.

The dire sex, the poor writing, the conjuring up and dumping of characters...I hated it that much as a book I had bought with my own money I did actually throw it in the bin.

The rare occasion when a TV series was better than the book (but the last 2 were going down hill, I suspect from the poor source material).

@DameCelia

Yes!! To Outlander *@FenellaVelour and @DrCoconut*. I'm currently listening to the Audiobooks (Why??!!), Drivel doesn't cover it, even allowing for the time travel. I nearly abandoned it at the start when she keeps going on about all the lovely plentiful food, immediately after the war, when there was still rationing

Becayse tge author's American so while she seems to have researched Scotland to death based on sone Scottish settlers in her home town, researching England after the war was obviously too much for her to cope with.

Plus the reference to redcoats all the time was too much of the general American trope of: English = redcoats = the WR of American Independence = BAD

You mean, the Gloucestershire born and educated JKR, who trained as a French teacher in the early 9ps when shevreturned from her divorce from Portugal who moved to Edinburgh to be near her sister for support with Jessica is Scottish?

In "We didn't mean to go to sea" they did.

I read one thing by Theresa Driscoll and thought it was woeful. She seems to take herself very seriously. Marian Keyes on the other hand I could forgive ANYTHING on the grounds that she's hilarious and seems to be just lovely.

@redpencil77😂 that really made me laugh

Lesley Pearse - forgive me.

The heroine is given a flat in an expensive part of London. Has workmen falling over themselves to fix up her flat (including one who happens to have a spare kitchen), has men falling over themselves to be her father and a boyfriend willing to wait for her while she goes off 'depressed'.

Meanwhile - the characters mum has done something horrible, but everyone seems to brush it off. Another character has had an awful life through no fault of their own and nobody gives a toss.

Curioushorse (I can't seem to quote on my phone) I find this really interesting- so we've been listening to lots of Agatha Christie dramatisations with my kids (safe entertaining whodunnit) throughout lockdown, and if you look at her books, a lot are pretty short. Do you think they would be considered pretty two dimensional to publish these days? Or books such as The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie- that's pretty short.

I've read both The Hunting Party and The Guest List, both bashed Lucy Foley books on here. And I agree with the characters just being horrid, but I think a lot of people (including me) just love a non-gritty but not necessarily cosy murder mystery and the setting is all laid out and is enticing, so it's bought despite of the flaws, instead of because of the strengths.

@MyGhastIsFlabbered I came here to mention Jemima J and you have said everything I think about that novel. It made me so angry 20 years ago.

I think a lot of people (including me) just love a non-gritty but not necessarily cosy murder mystery and the setting is all laid out and is enticing

Yes, I'd agree with that. I'm not at all keen on police procedural stuff and blather about forensics, so if the book blurb is from the perspective of DI Kate Harassed-Singlemum I tend not to buy it.

I literally just finished Lies Lies Lies by Adele Parks and could believe the ridiculous storyline and madly rushed ending!
I have however just started Ruth Jones second novel and if it's half as good as her first I am in for a good read

Mauve Binchy died some years ago, no wonder she's gone off the boil!

@itssquidstella

At a similar time I did quite enjoy a book called Immaculate Conceit, in which our twenty something girl about town heroine shags the Angel Gabriel, gets knocked up and gives birth to the new Messiah.

I remember this one too! If I remember she went to Ireland to escape the attentions of social services at the end 🙂

In The Five, Anne, who is very housewife-like, do their dishes in a puddle which Tim, the dog, has just been drinking from. The monkey starts eating their jam but "luckily" the kids manage to get the jar away from him and eat the rest of the jam themselves. EEEEEW! I stopped reading the books for my kids more because I couldn't keep my lunch down than because of the rampant sexism and racism.

Haven't read any of the books mentioned, currently stuck with Glennon Doyle, untamed. Really well reviewed - I'm not feeling it but I can't leave a book half read !

I can recommend Liane Moriarty. Not read all of them but like what I've managed so far.

@Gabbianni

Mauve Binchy died some years ago, no wonder she's gone off the boil!

I think this was established very early on in the thread and has been said about 6 times since

@BertieBotts

:o How exactly do you steal sperm from a condom? Sounds messy... did she have a handy calpol syringe?

Do you really want to know this? PM me. It's icky, and messy, but it's actually been done.

I normally like Lianne Moriarty @MimosaTime although I was a bit disappointed with her most recent novel. I was really excited to get it, then felt a little flat .

Does anyone know if Nicola Moriarty is her sister? Also Australian, writes a similar style .

I loved Light A Penny Candle - read it practically in one sitting when I was 13 after a schoolfriend raved about it - but I think Maeve B's books went gradually downhill after that. I didn't like the later structure of her books where they were essentially a series of linked short stories about the different characters with just a loose story arc connecting them. They also seemed to get increasingly cosy - I don't mind some cosiness but there's a point at which it crosses the line into predictability.

But I forgive her everything for Light A Penny Candle. I also liked her proper short stories, the ones that weren't presented as a novel - Dublin 4, and Victoria Line, Central Line.

I love this thread especially the number of times that Maeve Binchy's death has been confirmed..may she rest in peace!

Liane, Nicola and Jaclyn Moriarty are all sisters I believe.

Huge kudos though to Katie Fforde for writing the same book 20+ times and keeping every one consistently readable!

I imagine stealing sperm from a used condom would be quite easy. Surely you just stick your finger on the end, and wiggle it inside out while shoving it up your foof? I mean, I've never tried it but it doesn't seem particularly hard.

I am loving this thread. I never, ever read chick lit for all the myriad reasons listed here, but this is really making me laugh, Thanks OP

@SomewhatBored

I think a lot of people (including me) just love a non-gritty but not necessarily cosy murder mystery and the setting is all laid out and is enticing

Yes, I'd agree with that. I'm not at all keen on police procedural stuff and blather about forensics, so if the book blurb is from the perspective of DI Kate Harassed-Singlemum I tend not to buy it.

Me too- exactly!

I remember buying Jemina J many years ago, really pleased that someone was writing a romantic novel about someone who was overweight & therefore outside the stereotype chicklit character. Was horrified at the storyline, and have been aghast ever since whenever anyone has recommended Jane Green as an author.

Delighted to see the reactions on here to that appalling book.