(Backstory: this tale was posted on BMC and eventually copied here, to much general rejoicing. But it was (we think) in Chat here so has been deleted, and although it's still there on BMC one can't rely on that forever. So here it is, in a non-Chat topic for archiving and enjoyment by future generations)
By Bewilderedmum, posting on Bad Mothers Club, 00:03 29/01/2007
After ds1 was born, I needed stitches. They removed the top half of the bed, and put me at the bottom half, with my feet in stirrups. It was a very small delivery room - in part cos I don't think they thought I was EVER going to give birth
Soo - am there, feet in stirrups, occupying the bottom half of the bed. The doctor was perched on a wheely stool thing, in this tiny delivery room, awaiting the passive arrival of my torn min-min, for his ministrations...
Aaanyway, cos of syntocinon drip, I was still honking like a good 'un, so some bright spark, propped me up on pillows , and raised the bottom part of the bed, so I didn't choke....
Unfortunately, because I am incredibly supple (tae kwon do) and had an epidural, which meant I had no feeling or control (or so I sez )
I SLID down the delivery table, past the end, past the stirrups - my feet stayed where they were in the stiruups, but the rest of me carried on..) and into the face of the waiting doctor.
Cos it was a small delivery room, he was PINNED to the wall, by my savaged min-min - honest to god, it was in his face. he shouted "HELP" in quite a distressed tone of voice, but the midwives and dh were busy with the baby..
After 38 hours of labour, and a severe sense of humour failure throughout - it suddenly returned..
The Doctor looked SO panicked - like I was wielding a sub machine gun, not a savaged min-min.
I remarked to him "I bet you didn't think you'd spend your saturday night like THIS did you!!" Then I LITERALLY pissed myself laughing - in his face...
Dh turned to me, with some irritation, and said "FGS sober up - you're a mother now!" - which made me laugh even more!! and the midwives ran to oik me up the bed - but the doctor looked distinctly nervous - he did a FABULOUS job of my stitches - afterwards, I hardly knew they were there -
mind you - by this point, he was prolly so freaked out by my min-min, that he thought if he didn't do a good job, my min would find out where he lived, and would come and burn his house down....