Expats, tell me what aspect or social norm of your new country was strange to you?

[AjasLipstick]

I am a Brit in Oz and for me, the hardest thing to get used to was Sunday trading hours being like the UK in the 70s.

The weirdest thing was how much less formal people are...kids are dressed very informally and parties for children never have kids dressed up in party dresses but in shorts and t shirts. I like it now I'm used to it though.

Russian in UK.

The thing I found uncomfortable when I first came here is how the cashier would extend their open hand waiting for the cash payment. In Russia money is a bit of a vulgar subject, people like the pretend publicly that money is not important to them, tenner here or there whatever etc. Having to physically put cash in somebody else’s hand made me cringe at first.

Equally, my DH was puzzled about conductors on public transport put a little tear in your ticket ‘so you know you have paid’ (????)

He didn’t understand why there are flat ashtrays ( in front of the cashiers at the supermarket. He asked me that, like WHY? It’s where you put the cash when you pay so you avoid the vulgar hand into hand money exchange!

There are loads. They are two very different cultures.

I would get very offended at first when you go to someone’s house (even family) and they would sit and talk to you for ages without even offering you a drink, let lone any food. Or worse, they would announce ‘We are just having dinner’ and LEAVE you there sitting in their living room starving!!! In Russia this would NEVER happen, it’s considered the height of rudeness and inhospitality not to offer somebody who even just ‘popped in’ drink AND food, repeatedly and insistently. To get your dinner out (or even a sandwich) and not offer the person standing next to you (let alone visitor) is very bad manners. Took me a while to get used to this one. But I love it now because it’s great for me as a host not to have to run rings round any passing visitor as they don’t expect full scale hospitality.

On the use of 'expat' - I use it as shorthand for 'not living in my country of origin', which is all it actually means. I certainly don't identify with the colonial overtones, and I wouldn't exclusively apply it to Brits. I've been here 20 years and associate 'immigrant' with the early phase of arriving and establishing oneself in a new country - I wouldn't call the Turkish people who have been here decades immigrants, and I don't really consider myself one, not any more.

Toomany I'm amazed that you've been to people's houses and not been offered any refreshment! That is just plain rude, in my humble opinion. When the window cleaner comes he gets a big mug of tea and a plate of biscuits - and he doesn't even come in the house I think it's really unusual. Also, why would people invite you round and then go and have their meal?

On driving, speed, small children:

1. German children have road sense drummed into them from very, very early on. There are special police officers who tour schools and do 'pedestrian courses' with 6/7yos with certificates and 'pedestrian passes' etc at the end.
2. Your typical street in a built-up area is a world away from the Autobahn. It's true that German drivers are a bit crap at keeping their distance and a lot of them seem to have missed out the bit about indicators in their driving lessons, but by and large people observe speed limits, particularly where there are some of the ubiquitous signs about slowing down because you are near a school/kindergarten etc. Speeding penalties increased fairly recently in an attempt to take these things more seriously.
3. Both roads and pavements are, generally, wider. There's more space.

I agree, you always offer a drink or a biscuit to guests. I would never eat and have someone sitting on my sofa in Britain, that is very rude and not common in British culture at all! Always "cup of tea?" to anyone who crosses the threshold.

Bagel, it’s not just casually saying “would you like a cuppa” - which any polite Russian would decline, as it is the etiquette and wait for the host to ask and insist at least once or twice. It’s a little “no no-I insist-oh go on then” that is an art form in and of itself.

You’re ushered to sit and the host (or a family member you weren’t even aware of) emerges from the kitchen with trays of snacks and nibbles... crisps and pretzels (huge variety), all types of nuts, cakes, cookies... it is normal to whip out a chartcuterie board with all types of salami and cured meats too.

Which you don’t touch, as a guest.
Until the little dance begins again... “no no-I insist-no no I’m not hungry- oh just have a tiny bit-well-oh go on then just a small plate or I’ll get offended - oh well just a small piece then”

In the U.K. you get a cup of tea or coffee. A tray of baked goods is placed in front of you, and half the time you’re not invited to have any. So you don’t.

A few gems from Mexico:

• being on time for a visit is actually rude, you need to arrive AT LEAST 30 min after the time of the invite
• used toilet paper goes in a bin (boak)
• people brush their teeth after lunch (eg. at the office or in restaurants)
• normal greeting, even when you meet someone for the first time, is one kiss on the cheek. Men who know each other well hug and pat each otheo hard on the back, so hard that sometimes it looks violent
• Mexicans really struggle to say "no" (I´m told this is similar to some Asian cultures), they will say yes even when it´s definitely not the case. That confused and annoyed the shit out of me in the first year, it feels like they are lieing to your face, but they are just being "polite" in their own way

@Toomany. Nott offering food and drink and the going to eat dinner whilst a guest is there is definitely not typical.

Too many - you have been to too many rude people’s houses! It is not customary to announce you’re going for dinner leaving guests sitting with nothing on their own.

At the very least most people offer tea or coffee or a cold drink. Biscuits are optional depending if the person has any in, for an unexpected visit. If a person was expecting guests for any length of time they’d usually get biscuits in in advance.

I am a Londoner in the West of Ireland for 11 years. Total strangers smiling and saying how are you!!! Thought I was going to be mugged. Now when I go back to London I have to remember not to smile at everyone and greet them.

Shifty- sounds like Greek Cypriot culture where you cannot leave the house without eating at least 5 things!

ThisIsTheFirstStep wobbles are you in Korea? Sounds familiar.

Singapore

Im Irish and in the uk i found it a shock to be considered working class. Automatically. Also English people more inclined to imply eben to new acquaintanced thay their background refined and privileged. Irish people cover up any privilege in new company.
Class is choices, privilege and behavior in Ireland.
Class is a secret code in UK

I can't imagine not offering st least a cup of tea to a guest, I've been known when they've refused all drinks to desperately offer milk or water. Lived all over uk and know Brits from all over uk too (army brat) and all the Brits I know would consider it VERY rude to not offer AT LEAST a cuppa as pps have said even to people like the window cleaner or gardener who aren't even coming into the house.

My own family are scots (Irish descent) so practically force feed you sandwiches, hot rolls, biscuits, cake even ice cream on you! Always "sweeties" in for any visiting children too even if they haven't children themselves and if they've no sweeties in they're embarrassed and give the children money to get sweeties with!

I definitely agree class is a big thing in uk BUT there are some countries that CLAIM to be classless/unconcerned with class - never found that to be actually true yet. It may be more subtle, less overt but it's still recognised just in different ways in different countries.

This is millions of years too late but we stand on the right on escalators to allow people to pass on the left. So it is the same as the roads.

I have lived in southern Africa and China. I was primary age in Africa so don't remember much of what I thought was strange, aside from starting school at 7 and being finished at lunch, and video shops not caring about age restrictions (I got most of the way through 'The Invisible Kid' before my mum realised it was a 15).

In China ten years ago you used to have to do a ridiculous dance in department stores - queue to take an invoice from the department you want to buy from, then queue at a til, then go back to the original department and queue again.

I also lived in one city in the south that had siesta time in the summer and tried to go shopping at lunchtime.

Not putting anything beside human waste in the loo, and public loos having signs saying 'no shitting' 😂.

Nightlife until you want to go home, even if it means staff waiting when their shift is over (mortified when I realised).

Stereotyping foreigners (Koreans are pretty, Americans are violent, British people have great schools and love football and are only white).

Being laughed at in shops because I'm too fat / my feet are too big for what they sell. Being told I can't try that t-shirt on because I'll stretch it but I should buy it because it will fit 😂.

My female Chinese friends following me into the toilet cubicle and remarking on my use of tampons .

Dividing fences in the middle of the road to keep people on the correct side.

People avoiding telling you know when you make a request they cannot fulfill.

Back in England - people coming in your house with shoes on. People putting their coats / bags on the floor. People saying "all right?" and not expecting an answer. No taobao. Even shitty food out costing a bomb.

People avoiding telling you no

would you like a cuppa” - which any polite Russian would decline, as it is the etiquette and wait for the host to ask and insist at least once or twice. It’s a little “no no-I insist-oh go on then” that is an art form in and of itself.

And very reminiscent of Irish society in my parents/aunts generation, shown in Father Ted 'oh, you will, you will, you will'. When i first asked a cousin to visit me in England, for 'a glass of wine' we had a conversation about 'do you really just mean a drink' or is it to be like 'home' where it could mean a three class meal. I exaggerate, but only a bit. I think this has cropped up in the Irish context on this thread already.

Most of the Antipodean in the UK ones have been covered off, but the British obsession with sandwiches (sarnies) as a lunch food.

You can even buy them in Boots!

And yes, NZ homes are notoriously cold - but if you're going to get your home insulated - you might as well put central heating in!

It's the first thing we did when we bought our house. All of my friends who've lived overseas have moved back to NZ and installed central heating. Toasty warm homes.

And I didn't realise the school gate thing was weird - yes all the kids just come out and are expected to be collected or make their way safely home. It does seem to work, or we wouldn't keep doing it, I guess!

Canadian livining in England for the last 11 years.
Shops that aren't actually open 24 hours.
Washing up and no rinsing!

A big one for me though was birthday cake at parties.
The cake comes out and then goes away to be cut up into little rectangles (even if cake is circular) then wrapped in napkins and put in party bags!!
In Canada the cake is cut after you sing happy birthday and each child is given a slice to eat

"This is millions of years too late but we stand on the right on escalators to allow people to pass on the left. So it is the same as the roads."

We dealt with this one upthread at around 6 am yesterday, SayNoToCarrots. To save you trying to find it, this was my post about UK driving and escalator usage :

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"Also, I don't understand standing to the right on escalators etc. when you drive on the left. Seems backwards to me."

I think I know the answer to this, SuperBeagle.

Re driving on the left, "in the past, almost everybody travelled on the left side of the road because that was the most sensible option for feudal, violent societies. Since most people are right-handed, swordsmen preferred to keep to the left in order to have their right arm nearer to an opponent and their scabbard further from him."

Standing on escalators on the right probably also relates to right-handedness. When escalators were invented in the very late 1800s left-handedness was viewed as 'wrong', to the point that left-handed children were forced to learn to write with their right hand. So right-handedness was seen as the norm. Therefore it became the custom to stand on the right of an escalator in the UK so that your right hand could hold onto the moving handrail.

Well, that's my take on it anyway

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Strangely, nobody disagreed with me!!

N American long time resident in UK here:
Negs-
Brits thinking they are politer than everyone else. That would be no. They are about as polite as Americans (taking into account that New York and London are about the same.) Brits can be extraordinarily impolite, and if you (as I sometimes do) get fed up & point it out to them, you get accused of being rude!
Class obsessed. This is not the same as “status” obsessed, which some Americans, as well as other cultures, can be.
Introversion. - I remember going to business meetings & endlessly meeting the same type: limp, damp handshake, mumbled name, no eye contact. He would not be allowed out of the office to represent a company in the US! This has somewhat improved.
School obsession -so boring. Brits do not seem to understand that achievement is largely driven by family values - too much responsibility placed on schools-teachers for children’s outcomes- manners, fitness, learning.
Queues - the U S convention, imperfect, but usually works, is to form a mass in front of, say, ice cream counter. Queue people Note who is in front of them, then step forward when server says, who’s next. If someone else steps in front, you say, excuse me, but I believe I was next, & other person will usually retreat. If he does not, the whole crowd will give him the evil eye. This system requires interaction with other humans, hence the likely reason Brits prefer their long, snakey, inefficient queues.
Buying & selling houses - don’t get me started! Must be the worst system on the planet.
Never had the dishwashing issue myself.
Hatred of bartering - I had a bizarre experience where I was in Morocco on a spa holiday & went with a group of MC women to the souk in Marrakesh. We all wanted scarves, & relishing bartering (I used to live in Mexico, so rather good at it) began to do so, when stopped by horrified Englishwomen, who wanted absolutely nothing to do with such an awful practice & would rather pay full price, thank you very much - just bizarre!
Pluses - English summers, the best; Brits party way better than Yanks. Great cheese, bread, meats ( tho fruit & veg in France is tops). Great fine art, rock and roll, music generally, stately homes, architecture, town planning, countryside. Eloquence & humour. System of justice, animal welfare, tolerance (mostly).
My favourite Brit community is equestrians , incredibly helpful, supportive ( high degree of sportsmanship even if you are competing with one another, not like that in US)
Not going anywhere, me, just learned to dive & dodge around bits I don’t like.

Irish in UK.
-The obsession with social class and the lack of both integration and movement between classes. I blame the school system, you’re categorized and compartmentalized from the age of 3 (private nursery at £6k a year minimum will do that).
-The politeness of the Brits vs the friendliness of my country folk.
-The relative “formalness” of English people (the thank you cards for everything. MIL, I’m looking at you).
-Sunday Roasts. Have embraced these!
-pub lunches. What’s wrong with a few packets of crisps.
-pubs owned/run by breweries. No atmosphere.
-language differences. Subtle but still there. Bold/naughty. Sick/poorly, runners/trainers.
-the pronunciation of the letter R. We say “or”, British say “are”. I have lots of r’s in my name. Have had to adapt on this point!

Had no idea on the washing up thing.

Once I was in the bassinet aisle with 2 under 2 ( going from one gulf state to another) when mich to the toddlers delight we were joined by a man and a falcon.
Not a flight I'll forget in a hurry.

Oh my goodness yes! The British way (or maybe just English?) way of selling houses?!

Here, once an offer is made, it's made. Kind of like signing a contract.