How can I be more "French"?

[hangingoutattheendofmywick]

So this morning I did an Ocado shop and stumbled across the world foods department. There is a French section and I was immediately transported to my holidays when I was young at Keycamp in France. I basically ordered a shed load of French delights and as I'm currently really down in the dumps and life is a bit shite I've decided to BE more French.

Other than learning the language again (I've lost it since GCSE) and eating / drinking all my French delights I'm wondering what I can do to make my life a bit more French. Any ideas?

I'm looking for :
Music
Literature
Recipes
Drinks
General ways of living.

Ta!

I just love Brighton and don't find it a dirty place: maybe your husband's cousin had been there during the Pride Festival or the Fringe?

It's a good few years ago now and I'm not sure exactly when they went.
Of course, it could have been that they were determined to find fault...
Whenever my in laws visited us in the UK (and it wasn't often), they spent most of their time organising flights, etc. so they could leave earlier than originally planned.

I don't think that they liked it much.

Stop shaving your legs and armpits?

ppeatfruit lol
You do realise that in most of the cases, it's just innocent flirting don't you?
I like a bit of flirting. It does a lot of good for yourself esteem!!

Medicines given to children by weight rather than age. That makes so much sense to me.

Duchess, I tend to do the same. And the dcs also have a 'french' version of a pack lunch.
Result: other children are wondering what on earth they are eating. Teachers are jealous....

My doctor told me that liquid paracetamol was better for children than suppositories. I can't make sense of it, my DD won't ingest anything when she's ill so I get my mum to send me the 'bottom torpedoes' as English DH calls them.

You're not French until you regularly eat compotes for dessert. And dry sausage (saucisson sec).

I'm devastated that my DD has gone to the dark side and wants English pack lunch. Her favourite lunch is sandwiches

Kiss everyone by way of greeting, including absolute strangers at least 3 times on the cheek. Alternate with four kisses*.

• NB: Make sure its at least 6 or 7 when its someone english or german you are greeting just to make them REALLY uncomfortable.

For recipes, download the app called "marmiton", it's in French but it is full of recipes submitted by anyone who wants, users grade them and write very French comments on how they have changed everything to a less fatty alternative. I love it, and I am actually French so it must be worth trying!!!

I suppose Maman that once I reached my 60s I didn't reckon I'd be flirted with . You're right it's good for my self esteem but the butcher is a red faced alky!

Like a lot of older and younger frenchmen !!

Teach your DC to call you "maman".

Watch this for how to fake French:

"Stop shaving your legs and armpits?"

Not around these parts. I have never seen a single body hair on a French woman. I suspect that they wax their arms as well as legs. Waxing of the entire fanjo is also the norm.

The only (few) times I have ever seen underarm hair around here in the past 15 years has been on English women, actually.

I agree, cote. Waxing it all off is the norm.

Maman et al please share what is in a 'French' packed lunch. I think I want my children to have those (private school, status anxiety etc.)

Surely you don't send them off with a baguette, a round of brie and a bottle of merlot?

My son will only take suppositories (bottom bullets as we call them). He refuses all oral medication. I thought he was being awkward, turns out he was simply being a bit French. I plan to stock up when I'm in Evian next month.

He's also partial to a compote, which we buy in bulk when we go over to visit grandpa.

TBF the bottom bullets is European, rather than French. My UK friend had her DCs in Italy, lived there for 5 years and I know she's going to come back from her holidays with kilos of salt (Italian salt is 'just better'), Sicilian oregano (all good) and a bag full of suppositories. I never ask for a paracetomol when I'm in her house, put it that way!

Bof!

I actually live in France. Spend not less than ?500 a month on products that give you a flat stomach (they're posh laxatives), creams you rub into your bottom before you go to sleep and they slim you overnight (yeah, right) and sprays to clean your ears. Never ever do your nails (fingers or toes) yourself. If you are pregnant massage your perineum (yes, really) every day. There are special nurses to show you how to do it. My friend's husband came home and caught her at it once. Drink wine every day, but just one glass. But whisky drunk at home apparently doesn't count as alcohol. You have to love Serge Gainsbourg. Don't ask why. You just have to. I think it's in the Constitution. Have "aperos" at home for which you lay on lavish displays of snack food, none of which anybody eats. When you've given birth don't breastfeed, because you want to keep them nice for your husband.

French packed lunch: small starter of mixed seasonal crudités followed by the leftover of Papa and Maman's dinner from the previous evening to be reheated in the school microwave. A small plain yoghurt/fromage blanc. Fruit (pre-prepped).

Four courses. No wine

Drive with your left arm hanging out of the window (from upthread)

Works best on a left hand drive car

www.radicalcartography.net/index.html?frenchkisses

beware of faux pas
you can tell where someone is from from how many times they kiss you on the cheek. So choose wisely!
and from the number on their car licence plate, although, sadly, this is disappearing fast ( cue " espece de 75!" when casual parisian driving is witnessed elsewhere in the country )

My mum lived in Paris for many years, working in schools.

I remember complaining of constipation as an older child when we were there. She suggested prunes. When I pulled a face she told me about bum bullets. Then made me a compote with prunes in.

She is very tall and has distinctive red hair. French people would have long involved debates with her insisting she must be Scottish (she's half Irish) - unless we were in Brittany where she fits right in.

Only feed your children pasta with butter accompanied by jambon. If you are health conscious, this will be preceded by a bowl of lettuce served by itself.

Talk at great length to everyone, including complete strangers, about your digestion. Your liver is a source of permanent interest

Forget to eat, but never forget to smoke and drink 10 black coffees per day.

As a rare treat, allow yourself one (and only one) small square of dark chocolate. Any more would be an indulgence that would lead to obesity.

Obesity is being bigger than a 38.

Visit your doctor at the first sign of a cold, and always take anti-depressants.

If you are getting on in years, keep an oilcloth on your dining table at all times and sit there all day, especially if someone calls to see you - the sofa is for the cat.

Oh and hog the beach showers but moan if tourists use them for more than 20 seconds.
Say sarcastic things about the "monstrously tall Scottish woman" then backtrack when she turns round and ticks you off in a Paris accent.

Think you have well behaved children when your children are doing the same as all the other (British, German and Italian) children - you're just making a show of telling them off more.
Puree food or hide children to eat until they are well past food throwing age. That's why they don't throw food. My mum knew kids of 3 who were still considered "not ready" to eat outside the home and would help them learn to eat. This was in the 70s so it is hopefully more relaxed now.

you're just making a show of telling them off

I'm not generally assertive but I got so annoyed in a TGV by a woman hissing at her little girl to shut up every time she just chatted quietly, asking maman what colour she should use in her colouring book, not crying or shrieking or anything, that I had to tell her that I liked the sound of children's voices. The woman looked amazed and "Oui, mais" as if everybody was hating her child. But the other ladies smiled encouragingly at ME not at Mdme hisser.

Generally we Brits are more laid back with our dcs. I don't quite understand why the fr. repress their kids so much.

Well done ppeatfruit
my friends back home drive me ( mostly ) mad putting leur couple before leurs lardons.
I once spent 2hr in a Eurostar train with my eldest son staring ( I know, v. french of me ) at a glamourous couple next to us, reading magazines, sulking, looking bored, while their young daughter ( 6 or 7 ) spent the whole time, completely ignored, colouring in something or other. Her parents never once talked to her or offered her a drink or snack. She seemed used to it.
I know a few kids like her back home....

Thanks theDuchessIn but i don't understand the argot saying please translate for me

You should've offered the little girl a snack or something, poor little thing.