To ask for your best examples of brass-neckedness to entertain us all on this dull day?

[Salmotrutta]

I've got one from decades ago.

My older brother was about 18 and going out with a girl of about 16.

It was pretty short lived as she seemed to be a bit spoiled etc. and they were only teens after all.

My brother was the one who ended it but girl seemed to think Mum was behind it.

Mum wasn't but she had asked to girl to help bring in washing during the rain when she stayed over at our house one weekend as mum was in the middle of something when rain started.

This was apparently a criminal act to ask someone for a bit of help so girlfriend moaned to brother (who I think had got rather exasperated by her anyway by this point) and he ended it.

Apparently this did not go down well.

Next thing, her little sister phoned my Mum and castigated her for being the cause of all this! Little sister would have been about 14 and mum would have been about 45!

That didn't go down well either.

My ExB was probably the best brass necked person I've ever met. When we first got together he was convinced he was going to be a famous musician. He wanted a new amp for gigs, we went shopping for one and I was initially perplexed as to why he wanted me to go with him. It started to make sense when at the till he decided he was getting it on credit - in my name, well his credit was too bad to be accepted. So like a mug I agreed.

6 months later and a third of the way into monthly payments from my bank account he decided that he'd seen a better amp, one which would allow him to play bigger venues so he was going to buy it. He rang me one day asking for a lift to a 'friend' in a town about an hour away, I agreed and picked him up along with his amp. I dropped him and the amp off and said bye, he replied with "oh no just wait there I'll only be 5 minutes". Then he ran off, leaving me confused.

He came back, within 5 minutes, but minus the amp. Turns out he'd sold it and got money so that he could buy the new amp. He hadn't bloody paid for it in the first place and I was still footing the bill for the monthly payments.

The same ExB was moving away shortly after we split up. He'd got a new GF by this point but was still contacting me regularly. He rang me the evening he was due to leave the country and told me how much he regretted our break up (my decision I hasten to add!) and that he wanted to see me to talk about some of the issues that had been left unfinished. He sounded genuine, I knew it wasn't a case of wanting to get back together, so I agreed to meet him. I pulled up outside his house, he came out with a massive suitcase and a holdall. He said "you don't mind running me to the airport whilst we chat, do you?" He airport is 2 hours away from us and it was 9pm.

To make matters even worse, he didn't apologise for any of the crap he had put me through and the reason he'd called me was because his new GF's car had broken down and she couldn't take him! She was actually flying out the next month to meet him once he'd got settled. It was rather satisfying to see the arse leave the country though.

I have no idea why I was even with him in the first place.

The holly one has reminded me:
My sister has several cherry trees in her garden. A few years back, she noticed an old lady with a bucket, helping herself to them. My sister hasn't had the heart to tell her to stop (she comes back each year) as there are plenty... But she did draw the line when two years ago said lady asked her if she had a ladder!

Copied from the Mexican house thief thread:

Pandemoniaa Thu 18-Apr-13 19:53:00

We've got a gooseberry bush in our garden. Because I live out in the wilds, we don't tend to have fences but it's bleedin' obvious that the bush is in a garden and that the garden it is in is ours.

One summer afternoon I came home to find an elderly lady, armed with a carrier bag, rootling discontentedly in said bush. Before I had the chance to ask what she was doing in there she said "This is really not good enough! Last year your gooseberry bush was full of fruit but it's all gone!" When I politely pointed out that this was because we'd eaten our own gooseberries she replied with "Well that's the giddy limit! I've got friends coming to dinner tonight and I'd promised them a gooseberry tart for pudding. I've driven all the way out here from Lewes especially to pick these gooseberries and now what am I supposed to do?"

Did you tell her she was actually committing theft??

A few years ago I was having coffee at a friends house .there was a funeral next door and people were congregating and despite them having a front garden and the shared drive between the houses they were congregating in my friends front garden . She has no nets and the sofa Was directly under the window so there's no way people wouldn't know anyone was in but obviously it being a funeral we said nothing as more and more people arrived and then a few sat down on her windowsill until eventually we were sat there practically in the dark as all these people blocked out the light.

Another one!
My SIL is getting married next month using the money from a minor windfall she got thru. However none of this money is being spent on the guests, we have to buy our own food & drink. No wedding breakfast here.
The windfall has gone on all things for bride & groom ie honeymoon, cake, photographer, car for her etc etc.
she asked if we would like to buy her wedding dress as a present (err no love we don't).
I have booked a baby sitter for the evening & now she has found out via MIL she is trying to palm her kid off onto baby sitter too. I suggested splitting the bill but she couldn't understand why I wasn't going to pay for her childcare.

Ooh, just thought of a small one.

We live down a dead end road and opposite our driveway is an entrance to a field. People quite often drive up our road, it's only about twenty yards, turn round in the field entrance and go off again.

If the farmer has left a tractor or trailer or something in the field entrance, they just turn round in our driveway. Occasionally I've been driving out in my car and had to wait for someone to turn round on my drive first.

The best one was when I came home and followed a small silver fiesta into our road. I didn't recognise the car and assumed it was turnng round. There was a tractor parked in the field entrance so the fiesta pulled into our drive, did a little three point turn, whilst I'm sitting out in the road waiting, and then the little lady stopped and waved me past.

I did a furious 'Out!' gesture. She had the temerity to look affronted as she drove off. I'll bloody block her in next time I see her.

I've been reading this most of today and laughing along but struggling to think of something of my own. Until now...

At the weekend, I attended a BBQ and took with me, amongst other things, a half bottle of gin from home. I am pregnant so thought it pointless to have it at home anymore. Another of my friends also took a similar amount of gin that she obviously had left over (this friend is known for being quite tight with her money so I would be very surprised if she bought it). The host decided, as they were the same brand, to mix the two bottles together. I have just found out that my other friend, when she left, took the entire bottle away with her despite having spent the afternoon eating the hosts food and drinking the copious bottles of Prosecco provided! I am shocked! Obviously, I didn't want mine back but it should have been left as a contribution to the host, surely?!

I now have permission to post:

Mr My Dates Should Be Secret Millionaires or Heiresses Of Royal Blood :

Friend of mine went on an online match.com date with an artist. Long distance for first meet, his suggestion, both were enthusiastic.

He seemed fun, a little eccentric. My friend is Asian British: her parents are from X country although she was born up North.

She is concentrating on unpaid creative work so does the whole "living frugally, low level day job balancing act". Insists on paying her half when dating, has savings.

During their first date, he mentioned "let's pretend you're a secret member of the royal family of X country" lunatic signs already

But: she thought it was a random creative thing to say. It went well, he seemed handsome, they spent the night together.

So - he was in the TA and was going to Afghanistan soonish.

She decided to go up to London to see him off beforehand. She e-mailed, suggested meeting for the evening, he came back with "stay all weekend". All seemed well.

Again, he asked if she was a secret member of the Royal Family of X country.

He then asked if she was secretly loaded (she'd been quite clear about her job, background, paid her half and then some).

As soon as he found out she wasn't, in fact, secretly Princess Charmaine of X country, or some secret millionairess, he then went very, very cold and disappointed

(my friend has a theory that his family went broke/poor at some point in their past, then his mother had implanted in his aging Hooray Henry mind that he was "entitled" to marry some uber rich/royal family and despite being dirt poor himself was naturally superior to the plebs

And that at some point Princess Charming would recognise his superior blood and sweep him off his feet into a tropical palace)

She mentioned "I'm thinking of going on X course in a few years time".

"WHO'S PAYING FOR IT! NOT ME!" he shrieked.

She went out for the day in London, alone, as it seemed the romance was dead, and asked if she could borrow his A-Z.

He said "don't steal it".

Have entertained in laws Christmas day for the last 5 years. This year we told them we were having Christmas on our own and going to the local pub. Went out with them two weeks later and MiL announced she had called local pub and added 2 to our table.

Fast forward to two weeks ago, we were returning from holiday when she called and asked if she could get us a cooked chicken for dinner. DH thanks her and could she also pick up some new potato's and some salad, she got the right hump and mumbled something about taking the piss. She has to pass the veg to get to the chickens FFS !

So we get home, chicken, salad are on the side along with receipt for £8.
Next day we pop over to collect DD (she has her one day a week) and DH gives her the £8 and then told her she owed him £40 deposit for Christmas lunch as he had had to pay deposit for 5 people before we left for holiday.
She had the bloody cheek to say "Oh I thought you would treat us to that"
DH being quick said "well I thought you would have treated me to a bloody chicken !"

My ex mil has a huge holly tree in her front garden. She went ballistic when she found one of the florists from the local market helping herself.

This reminds me of an incident involving my friend's dad. He also had a holly tree, and had noticed it getting progressively balder as November turned into December. One day he arrived home from work (he's a police officer) to find a woman (who turned out to own a florist down the road) lopping off a couple of entire branches. He walked up to her (in uniform) and asked her what she was doing. She replied that she was pruning her friend's tree as a favour. My friend's dad replied that it looked like she was vandalising someone else's property, and was she aware that this was criminal damage? She started ranting at him, saying it was her friend's tree and she didn't have to explain herself to him, he had no right to be questioning law-abiding citizens and why didn't he go and catch a real criminal...etc.

He patiently allowed her to rant on for some time, before calmly informing her that it was in fact his house and his tree that she was denuding. Her face, apparently, was an absolute picture!

The upshot was that she apologised profusely and was crying so hysterically that my friend's dad actually invited her inside to sit down and called her husband to come and collect her (who was not impressed at his wife's criminal damage in a policeman's garden!) rather than arresting her. The next day a lovely bottle of champagne was left on the doorstep with a note of apology, and the tree remained untouched thereafter!

Mine still makes me angry.

We'd saved and saved for a really lovely travel system/pram for DS, it cost a fortune (almost £600) and when he outgrew it about a year later and we changed it for a smaller pushchair, I offered it to my pregnant cousin on my Dad's side who we never saw much of. She seemed to be in need and was always stating how poor she was. She lives about 250 miles from me so I paid for it to be sent to her home, arrives and she says thanks via FB.

Two months or so later, and with her DC now born, she posts lots of pictures of the baby in a very different pram. I asked her why she wasn't using it and she said it broke, the wheel fell off and was dangerous and why did I give it to her if I knew it was damaged. It was a year old, immaculate and well made.

I suspect she sold it, though when I asked for the truth about it, she de-friended me so I never will know!

This happened to my friend B, who had neighbour from hell (NFH).

NFH had a massively overgrown bush/tree on the boundary between his garden and B's garden. NFH asked B to prune it because B has a hedge trimmer. B agreed because it was getting dangerously lop-sided and because he knew he'd never see the trimmer again if he lent it to him

NFH expected B to clear up afterwards too. B squashed that bit of brass neck straight off but compromised on them each clearing what fell in their own gardens. It was way way more overgrown on NFH's side.

B spent flipping ages pruning while NFH looked on barked directions

Finally finished, B took a wheelbarrow load out to his green bin. When he came back he found that NFH had chucked all of his waste over the fence into B's garden!

When I was house sharing one of my flat mates had a friend to stay. I came home from work late and found said friend IN MY BED. I woke her up and told her in no uncertain terms to get out and she had the cheek to be grumpy with me! Apparently she thought I wasn't coming home as I wasn't in bed by 10pm. She stayed for 3 weeks, not contributing a penny to the household (not even a pint of milk) and during her stay she ripped the inflatable mattress I lent her by DANCING on it in high heels, and took my picnic blanket on the sunniest day of the year.
When I complained to my flatmate, she said it was "like living with Grandma".

StackLady that is brilliant, she was caught in the act good and proper. That must have been so satisfying for him.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig I would have gone apeshit

I HATE people three point turning on our driveway.

We live on a lane facing fields, a house three doors up was having loads of work done and we are the only house without gates or a wall at the front (we have shrubbery). After three days of wagons and lorries reversing on our drive to turn round I starting leaving my car parked at the bottom of the driveway.

When I was online dating I went for a meal with somone . Despite saying I'd had a curry the night before and would prefer to have something different he insisted we go to an Indian resteraunt where he proceeded to order numerous dishes . I ordered one dish and when it arrived he asked if he could try it , fair enough except he tipped over half of it onto his plate and then said I'd offer you some of mine but as you've had them before it would be a waste !
When the bill came he said we will go halves shall we and I ended up paying nearly thirty quid for half a plate of keema peas and a diet coke and to top it off when we left the manager gave me a loyalty voucher as I'd eaten there a fair bit and my date took it out of my hands saying he deserved it more than me because I worked and he didn't .
Strangely we never had a second date .

My brother had a house on a corner. The road at the front of his house was always busy so he parked his car at the side of his house on the other road.

One night my brother was coming home from the pub and saw someone sitting in his car.

'You OK mate? Got a problem?' He asked.

Yeah says the bloke. I can't get my car to start. Could you give me a push?

Brother suggests to him that it might be easier to try using the keys that he (my brother) had in his pocket :)

Bloke scarpered :)

A neighbour offered to take my keys while we were on holiday to look after the house then promptly moved in her son and his girlfriend for the two weeks without asking! I only found out when they accidentally set the burglar alarm off while drunk and a neighbour went over then phoned me.

The next year I gave the keys to a different neighbour and first neighbour went round there after we had gone to ask to borrow the keys because she was worried her cat was locked in my house! The cat never came near our house! Second neighbour refused to hand keys over and offered to check the house for the missing cat and first neighbour said no don't bother.

Is it just me or does anyone else get the urge to round up all the selfish twits described in this thread and ring their collective brass neck!?

This kind of stuff does make me wish that public flogging could be brought back...

DH was at a party few years back, and a random woman walked in and literally threw her car keys at him telling him to get her bags out for her. DH is an arsey bugger at the best of times, if you don't know how to handle him. He didn't even try to catch the keys, just let them hit him and fall to the floor. Then he walked off. Classic.

I walked into my testing room (in a well known high street opticians) and found a Locum going through the things on my desk. When challenged, he looked down his nose at me and told me the store manager said he could help himself to whatever he needed in here and I could go to her if I wasn't happy. Me being a woman many years younger than him he clearly thought he could treat me like crap. I straightened my back and walked up to him pointing to my name badge. "I'm the Director, and you are going through my belongings. If you want to keep working here, you can get out of my room and bring your own stuff in future." He went white as a sheet and never came back.

Loving the Policeman's Holly Tree story - sweet!

I used to have a school friend who accepted endless lifts off my Mum but whose parents never, even once, gave me a lift.

I think I've fallen for it so many times because the bare faced cheek is always preceeded with 'but of course I'd do the same for you' no, I don't think you would!

There are some absolute corkers on here though.