To kick these people out?

[CompletePushover]

7 yrs and this is my first AIBU, and I'm so cowardly I've name changed

So... After years of renting crappy places dh, the 4dcs and I have finally bought a lovely house.

It's great. Needs loads of work doing on it. Lots of potential, completely neglected and now ours. The people who had it before us had some problems and had criminally neglected their animals. The house comes with a field.

Now begins the lovely story. A few years ago Some people passing by saw how neglected the horse in the field was and took it upon themselves to look after it. They did amazing things, built him a shelter, bought him food, trimmed his hooves, all of it.

The horse is a stallion and unbroken but of nice temperament. But it means he can be flighty.

Move on a year and one of the group has taken on most of the care and bought their own horse who now lives rent free in the field.

Two weeks before completion the owner tells us we will be inheriting a cat and that the horses are staying (he's gifted the stallion to the other horse owner)

So... We panicked until lovely horse person came to our door and seemed very nice, and we said they could stay until Easter and then we'd see (rent free).

This all seemed ok, but there have been annoyances: There's no where else to park but in our drive, when we want to wander around the field with the dcs we have to struggle through two horses and it's a nightmare, and now finally we have bought out longed for dog and I can't walk him on my field without someone with me because I can't carry a baby and a puppy and fend off the horses on my own, in December we were told they use one of our sheds for feed, And there are other people who are part of the group who have not introduced themselves to me, but who go on to my field regularly.

So this evening we've let the horse owner know that beyond the end of march we want our field back. At the moment I've used it twice since we moved in and I want to use it daily.

They're not happy. I tell a lie, one is not happy, the other is completely understanding.

I know they did a good thing, I know they put work into the field (shelter and fencing) but I also know they've had free pasture for 18 months in return, and I think it's become a picnic spot for them all.

AIBU? And should I be growing a backbone, because I'm already trying to think of a way to section off some of it, which I know would only end up delaying the inevitable? I'm also worried because I'm in no way insured to have this all going on on my property.

I want nice things for the people who have done good, but at the same time I want to enjoy my home. I also have PND and desperately want to be outside but can't cope with being around people. Just to throw that in there.

You anywhere near North Essex?

Why not? It is your drive, not theirs. Did you mention no parking in the email? If you did then she is looking for a confrontation. Tell her to move her car or you will assume she is going to ignore your other instructions too.

Then empty the shed and email them again stating that as they have ignored your polite request you feel that they will ignore others, therefore the end date has moved to two weeks time.

You are not pathetic! I understand how you feel.

You can't do anything about it now, but is there anything passive you can do to keep them off your drive - block it somehow with a car or wheelbarrow or wheely bins?

WRT to your shed, as long as it doesn't contain priceless heirlooms I would be extremely helpful and shift everything out and whack a tarp over it, and get your wood ordered and in.

Stick with it. You are not pathetic.

Grrr.

And it sounds as though your note was completely reasonable.

Pity that some of us don't live closer as we'd sort her out for you!

Wish I was, Saggy. I'm far away.

Dh is composing a firmer email. We were trying to be nice, and expressed the things we weren't happy with. A normal person would have immediately stopped doing them, a person taking the piss would say "you didn't order me to stop so we didn't stop". So now we will do the ordering.

Has anyone got a spare police stinger I can put across the drive, think she might think twice if her brand new tyres all got popped?!

OFGS! The cheeky mare. Warning note on windshield and then take strong measures. Email round to everyone stating that your polite request to leave your drive clear has been blatantly ignored. Further trespass will be dealt with by police, and reiterate the date by which the horses have to be gone, empty the shed to somewhere horribly inconvenient to them.

I have found over time that there is a type of person who mistakes kindness and good manners for weakness and will exploit them as much as possible. Please don't allow your innate good nature, and having been well brought up to consider others, prevent you from taking these assholes down. They are users OP and have no compunction about taking advantage of you with no regard for your feelings.

You need to cultivate a similar disregard for their feelings. You are certainly not pathetic. They are ill reared savages who need taught a lesson about boundaries.

Auditor, I think you're right. I would never impose upon someone the way they have. I would fall over with gratitude every time I saw them.

They are piss takers. I can't pretend it's poor communication anymore.

I agree with printing out your letter, underlining the bit about not parking on the drive and stick it under her windscreen wiper.

The next time she parks there, call the police and have her towed for parking on private land.

Yup. She can always say that she never saw any email...

Will do. I am daft for trying to deal with unreasonable people reasonably.

I keep coming back to this thread Chris because I really feel for you and it's not just me, it's everyone who's posted here.

Despite your nature, if it were me, I'd now be very angry indeed.
They are piss takers. I can't pretend it's poor communication anymore
^ this.

In a nutshell this is it.

I really think you should go out and front this person and ask, calmly and politely why they are completely ignoring what's been put in writing? OR as I've just seen print the email and write on it in red pen 'I need to bring this to your attention as you obviously haven't seen it'
You or DH can email everyone later and say that your polite approach isn't working, you are being undermined and your wishes are being totally ignored.

The problem with giving them a long deadline is that work expands to fit the time available thing. There's no immediacy.

Let's face it, in this situation one party is going to be put out and upset and at the moment, despite all the help and assistance and good will that you've put their way, that person is you

No one, not a body, would say that's right.

Thanks Enrique, I cannot express how much this thread has helped. I'm feeling very enclosed and hemmed in. I know the PND makes me not want to see people and the more I can get outside the better I feel. This has infringed upon that. I have been putting the welfare of a horse above my own, and I know that's not sensible.

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse - I have been putting the welfare of a horse above my own, and I know that's not sensible.

You're absolutely right there. I've owned horses all my life and there is little I wouldn't do to ensure my own horses welfare. BUT - People are more important than animals. Your welfare should be more important to you and your family than the welfare of an animal that has no connection to you whatsoever.

On a slight tangent, I would be concerned that the "do-gooders" have been avoiding visiting the horse at the weekend - that appears to suggest that their concern for the welfare of the horse is only at their convenience. Damn - I'm furious on behalf of the horse!! And on your behalf!!

I'm heading off for a cup of tea and a decent sulk for your situation...

Chris am so cross on your behalf. But understand why feeling as you do you don't want to confront them in person (though I would personally block them in on my drive with my own car at this point and go out for the day). Did your DH say in his email that if your boundaries were not respected the notice period would shorten? If he did then get him to send a final warning now along perhaps with a hint you are concerned the horses were abandoned over the weekend. If he didn't then get him to send it now. That way the nastiness still happens at arms length and you are protected from it.

But I think you are so imposed upon that any notice period longer than the end of January will cause you too much distress so I would say please bring it forward regardless.

I do think it is worth contacting happa and explaining the situation. Although they are based in Lancashire they have other centres and I am sure they would help you. We visited one of their farms when my dc were young and it was beautifullly well run. We sponsored one of the horses for a while.
It might be better to take the risk of gelding the old stallion as it would make him easier to rehome.

Will do. I am daft for trying to deal with unreasonable people reasonably.
That's not daft. There is nothing wrong with being reasonable. If you were to become unreasonable, that would make you as bad as them.
But, you can be reasonable and stick up for yourselves.

yopu kno ll tht blck thorn you chopped back at the weekend?

the sort with the nasty long spikes...

oh and it would be a shame if you had just put hand cream on when you went out to put the note on the car.

email again and say that you will be emptying the shed yourselves if they do not and you will not be liable for any damage tht hppens to the content. check this out leglly yourselves.

put up a notice that you will not be legally responsible for any damage to others property whislt on the premises. like the ones at the supermarket.

In the spirit of reasonableness though, there is nothing to say that nobody has visited over the weekend. Maybe the other carers HAVE taken notice and have been using the layby and the other access.

Another lurker here delurking.

They are piss takers. I can't pretend it's poor communication anymore
Agreed.

Further up thread, you talked about being an incomer and being ostracised by the locals for upsetting the way things are done locally. I suspect, if my parents' experience is anything to go by, the locals will know exactly what's what and will not blame you in the slightest. My parents moved into a small village and applied for planning permission for change of use. Not to build an extension, or dig up the garden or build a factory. Change of use of a small barn to an office. The next door neighbour was incensed and started a campaign to persuade other village residents to support her. She was very vocal. No-one else in the village objected and permission was given unanimously. Afterwards my parents realised that everyone in the village knew what this woman was like - in fact they had a lot of quiet visits from various residents during the process supporting them.

So what I'm trying to say is, stick to your guns. You are in the right. And everyone else will see this.

And, I like the new name - channel that attitude woman!

put up a notice that you will not be legally responsible for any damage to others property whislt on the premises. like the ones at the supermarket
IIRC, those signs actually mean very little if the landowner proves to be at fault.
I know I probably sound like a killjoy, but you need to stay reasonable whilst keeping within the law and everybody's rights.
What would be more use is to park in your drive entrance or put a chain across. They CAN'T gain access then.
Keep accurate records of any correspondence you send/give them, stick to your guns, be firm and make it quite clear that you will be ploughing up the paddock on the EXACT date specified. Then do it.
You really can't damage their property or do anything which might put the horses welfare in doubt until after the date of removal.

You have been reasonable and kind please dont think youve been daft in any way op. I hate confrontation but will come and hit car with blackthorn branch, like basil fawlty. That should do it.

Is there anything you can use to block the driveway so that they can't get in? Do you have a car you can park there in the way or is that simply not convenient?

The problem with blocking the driveway is that there isn't great visibility on the road so dh coming home or a visitor would be risking a bump if they had to stop to move something.