Terrible wedding behaviour.

[WayHarshTai]

In light of the recent rash of threads about it, I thought we could have a compilation thread to keep them all in one place.

I'll start with my wedding, and my SIL.

We wanted her DS (who was about two and a half) to be a sort of page boy and wear the same style suit as his dad (best man) and the rest of the 'wedding party' including my DS. SIL said no as he woudn't want to wear a suit. And then promptly went out and bought him, that's right, a suit to wear.

She then asked if we could arrange a vegetarian meal for her despite the fact she is not a vegetarian. Which of course we did, although it smacked of 'making life difficult'. And she then managed to take both veggie meals on the day leaving my actual veggie cousin without a meal (still not sure how this happened).

At the ceremony she brought her DS in eating the World's Biggest Icecream? which he then sat and slurped in his non matching suit all through the vows.

When we got to the venue she moved all the place settings around because she didn't like where she was sitting.

She then got very drunk very quickly, became very loud, heckled the speeches, announced her recent (six months ago) miscarriage to the room and then coralled me for nearly an on the balcony while she cried and told me how awful her life was.

I just found the whole thing quite funny (well, not the crying) and it makes for an interesting story, so if she was trying to ruin things it didn't work.

Anyway, that's my Terrible Wedding Behaviour story, I know you lot have some corkers, so spill.

inneed what a nightmare for you, but good for the b and g for having a perspective on what actually is important in the grand scheme of life.

Shipwrecked we also went to a wedding of two old uni friends where The Owl & The Pussycat was read out by another uni friend, who deserved a medal for getting through it, given all the smothered snorting and sniggering from the congregation.

We had a bit from The Velveteen Rabbit at our wedding and I edited the bit about "things that buzz inside you and a sticky-out handle" because I could just foresee the stifled sniggers. I think The Owl and the Pussycat would have finished me off...

I tried to joke with the bride about it later (perhaps a mistake) and she really didn't see the funny side at all and told me deadpan that it had always been her favourite poem.

The rest of us didn't see it coming until he had started the poem and got to that bit...then there was the dawning realisation...
I thought the reader handled it so well. Read the lines slowly, deliberately and looked at us defiantly!!!

The groom who in his wedding speech sitting 2 seats up from the priest described his wife as like a good bottle of red wine. Full bodied and goes down easy. Wife, her parents, his parents and older family did not see the funny side we did though.

Oh neun, that reminds me of DH being asked to help with an old friend's bridegroom speech. He got a draft sent by email, read it with an eyebrow steadily rising and frown deepening, then once he was completely bemused he showed me. The whole thing was just a cut-and-paste of lots of 'wedding speech jokes' from websites. Nothing whatsoever about them personally, unless you count "don't you agree my [pause] wife [pause for hoorays] look lovely today" or "x makes me the happiest man in the world". I know not everyone can be a great raconteur, but he hadn't even started with a few things he wanted to say and padded it out with website jokes.

Mine is from own wedding with a very random guest. A uni friend brought bf and seriously think both were on drugs. He steadily hit the booze too and by mid evening reception had tried to snog mil, bridesmaids x 2 and me (talking tounges) He then proceeded to strip off to dance and upon returning to bed and breakfast stole alcohol out owners fridge.

It didn't spoil the day, has provided some funny memories. Friend is still with him, we only catch up very rarely but hope he has calmed down somewhat. Thankfully all relevant menfolk did not take offence to behaviour but could have potentially been a little messy!

At my wedding all of my large family attended including my uncle who has a name for being tight fisted. He takes it to a whole new level actually and is almost never seen with his hand in his pocket! Anyway, he was caught at the bar by one of his brothers who thought it would be funny to announce to the other couple of people in the bar that he was buying a round. Predictably word got round and the bill was over £200 by the time funny brother managed to get the lid on the situation

The first I knew of any of this was the next day on checkout when I found a rather large round had been charged to my room

Luckily that was the only difficult thing that happened - apart from dm getting rather jolly and falling over a lot. .. oh and a different drunken uncle dropping my sleeping child on his head

Wow - some of these are amazing / shocking.

Nowhere near on this scale but at dh's relative's wedding, said relative had a bit of a chequered past with 3 kids and 3 who between them had 3 dads. Anyway, she decided to get married in a church and the vicar decided to save her soul.

Cue over an hour of sermon about"appropriate behaviour" which wouldn't have been so bad but:-

1. The vicar had a really strong accent. The type that you have to listen to really carefully to to make out the words. So no one really took in what he was saying. (We pieced it together at the reception.)

1. Practically every member of the congregation had a small child so every 30 seconds or so there was a wail, followed by a parent shushing followed by the sound of yet another parent taking their children out. What was particular amusing was the couple behind us having a whispered conversation about who would take their two year old out. "I'll take her." "No darling, you stay, I'll take her." "It's fine - I really don't mind." I can't blame them - at that point I was considering prodding beautifully sleeping dd so I would have an excuse to leave.

As it turns out - the vicar had a point. Less than 10 months after the wedding she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. Who DNA tests proved was not her husbands....

Mum The Vicar must have had foresight about what was gonna happen, apparently she didnt manage to stay faithful in that first month.

Some of these are shocking! Others, well, are a bit, umm... suspect bridezillay

We opted to get married in a registry office, with just 2 close friends as witnesses.

After the ceremony, one of our friends took just one wedding photograph.
We will be celebrating our 30th in 2014, and 'the' wedding photo hangs in the lounge of every house we have owned since.
At the time we weren't certain that such a 'minimalist' wedding was the best of ideas - but after reading some of these stories - I know we did the right thing!

At my brother's recent wedding I sat between my elderly hard-of-hearing grandfather and my 18-month-old son. I was trying to keep my son entertained throughout the vows with a game he was refusing to play, and my grandfather, watching him, said at full volume, 'He doesn't want to!', oblivious of the fact that the vicar had just asked if anyone knew of any just cause or impediment why the couple should not get married!

ROFL ALKN!

ALKN That is a classic!!!

I've just remembered one! Exps aunts wedding. His mum and the brides sister turned up at the reception, she's known as a bit of a trouble maker. She was wearing no knickers and kept flashing at all the guests. She then followed the bride into the toilets to show her the wound on her leg (shed stabbed herself) she somehow managed to open it back up and bleed all over the brides dress

She then danced provocativly with fil and mil punched her. All hell broke loose at thus point and I went home after arguing with bil. I found out later that the other sisters husband told sil that she never should have given birth to her ds2, he had learning and physical disabilities, which caused another fight to break out.

No fighting at my wedding - good sit down meal & buffet in evening , free drinks.... and a bouncy castle twas luffley

Libra - you win!

I have a funny story though - with a cracker of a punchline at the end.

B and G decide to get married in winter. Wedding day arrives and it has snowed - heavily. B is staying at her mother's house. Power cut while she is having a shower - has shampoo in her hair. Has to rinse her hair in freezing cold water but also not had a proper wash. Hairdresser can't get there because the roads are not passable and anyway, no point cos there's no power.
Meanwhile G stays at mate's house. Also no electricity there. Thinks he better just check on reception venue - car won't start - battery failure. Rings AA - they tell him it will be approx 3 hours before they can get to him cos of snow and all the breakdowns. G walks in the snow to reception venue - no electric, no chance of electric. G's mate has waited for AA who arrive and fit new battery, so goes to pick up G. G spends next 3 hours before wedding trying to find an alternative venue for reception - manages to get a pub but only for the day do cos they have another function that evening. Then goes back to old venue to pin a note to the door to explain where new venue is.

G gets to church - trousers wet and freezing. Heating has failed in church cos of power cut- can see your breath. Organ doesn't work either. G and best man shift piano from one end of church to another so they can have music. Most of the guests don't turn up because the roads are so bad.

After ceremony, when they go to sign the register, pen runs out when G tries to sign and nobody seems to have another, so has to more or less scratch his name on register.

Photograher's flash doesn't work so photos turn out rubbish.

Go to new venue for reception. People who have been battling to get to the wedding get to old venue and see no-one there (notice on door had blown off) and turn round and go home again. This is the days before we all had mobile phones. So hardly anyone at reception.

Evening do: Power now back on at old venue, so wedding party decamp there. However, electricity supply is intermittent so dampening an already damp party - disco going on and off.

End of the evening - B and G are booked into a local small hotel for the night. Arrive at hotel - all lights off. Bang on door and surprised couple appear in their pyjamas. They are relief managers, hotel manager gone on holiday. Hotel manager had made the booking for the next week so relief managers not expecting them. Luckily, they did have a room available - but it was a single bed!

And the punchline? Have you guessed yet?

Yes, it was my DH and his first wife! When he told me this story I nearly wet my pants laughing. I told him he should have known it was going to work out when the pen stopped working when he went to sign the register.

At a wedding I attended with DP, one of the best men was so utterly pissed and off his face that he asked a 93-year-old wheelchair-bound auntie of the brides to "help him go to the toilet, and then whatever you fancy doing "

He cracked on to every single person there, with everyone getting more and more annoyed, until he tried me...

Middle of the dance floor, he grabbed my tits from behind. I flung him over my shoulder, his back slammed the floor, he rolled to get onto his front and I stuck my heel in his back. I didn't let him up until he apologized.

The DJ stopped the music and all you could hear was him whimpering and the bride almost wetting herself with laughter. She had to have the corset on her dress loosened because she was absolutely beside herself.

I went round a few weeks later with some wine to apologize and they had managed to get a photo of me(displayed in their living room, pride of place on their cabinet) with a furious look on my face, standing on the best man..............

To this day, he hasn't forgiven me. And they still have that photograph...

Friends got married in the grooms parents barn. It was BYOB which led to much over consumption.

Friend A grabbed the mic off the jazz singer and started belting out Polish drinking songs

Friend B poured a drink over the DJ for refusing a request.

The party spilled over from the barn to the parents house...

Friend C was sick in someone's craft basket

Friend D was sick all over the rose petal covered bedroom where the happy couple were supposed to spend the night

Friend E tried to leave and wrote off her car drunk driving!

WOW, Magrat! Impressed!

HE hasn't forgiven YOU Magrat?! The fucking cheek of the bastard!

Magrat, you rock!!

Some of these are brilliant. It is making it quite hard for me to do any work...

some of you at the "owl and the pussycat" weddings must have been at the same uni friends wedding as me!

For my stories - at my sister's wedding where I was a bridesmaid, they decided on a cost cutting, do as much as possible yourself wedding, which involved having a buffet but only 2 waitresses to clear plates (which had to be rewashed for dessert). It quickly became apparent that this was not going to cut it with 100 guests, and me, DH other bridesmaid and a couple of family friends spent pretty much the entire evening clearing tables, washing up, and ensuring that the meal actually progressed. The funny thing was that all the people who had been complimenting the other bridesmaid and I on how lovely we looked earlier, were totally dismissive and didn't recognise us as waitresses, asking us to just get them this or that - presumably because our dresses were black. In the end it was lots of fun, probably eased by the free flowing champagne but I hardly saw my sister BIL or family all night!

The story where I created the scene involves a friend's wedding only half an hour drive away. That was based on usual traffic, but an accident on the motorway meant we didn't move for 3 hours. We missed the whole wedding. And the photographs. But arrived just in time for the meal. A quick change into wedding clothes later, then to my shame I more than made up for being late by drinking lots of wine much too fast. Cut to me by the end of the evening sitting on floor in corridor on phone to my boyfriend at the time (now DH) crying my eyes out, saying "you are never going to marry me" and saying to anyone that would listen that I wanted to be a beautiful princess too (like the gorgeous bride). I think that I have been forgiven.

I'm still kind of embarrassed about it, although the bride told me that it was the greatest thing to happen in a long time. He is apparently a grubby lowlife who will shag anything, pissed or sober, so she saw it as comeuppance!