Terrible wedding behaviour.

[WayHarshTai]

In light of the recent rash of threads about it, I thought we could have a compilation thread to keep them all in one place.

I'll start with my wedding, and my SIL.

We wanted her DS (who was about two and a half) to be a sort of page boy and wear the same style suit as his dad (best man) and the rest of the 'wedding party' including my DS. SIL said no as he woudn't want to wear a suit. And then promptly went out and bought him, that's right, a suit to wear.

She then asked if we could arrange a vegetarian meal for her despite the fact she is not a vegetarian. Which of course we did, although it smacked of 'making life difficult'. And she then managed to take both veggie meals on the day leaving my actual veggie cousin without a meal (still not sure how this happened).

At the ceremony she brought her DS in eating the World's Biggest Icecream? which he then sat and slurped in his non matching suit all through the vows.

When we got to the venue she moved all the place settings around because she didn't like where she was sitting.

She then got very drunk very quickly, became very loud, heckled the speeches, announced her recent (six months ago) miscarriage to the room and then coralled me for nearly an on the balcony while she cried and told me how awful her life was.

I just found the whole thing quite funny (well, not the crying) and it makes for an interesting story, so if she was trying to ruin things it didn't work.

Anyway, that's my Terrible Wedding Behaviour story, I know you lot have some corkers, so spill.

This thread is brilliant

I suspect when dp and I get married I will have my own story to tell. The thought of his family meeting mine brings me out in cold chills. Might have to have a dry wedding.

MikeOxard Do you mean getting married secretly without telling anyone is "terrible wedding behaviour" and negative reactions/comments from family afterwards are to be expected?

I've often been tempted, but it is the subsequent fallout when eventually sharing the news that worries me.

Can this thread go in classics please!

China I meant the bitching about the perfectly reasonable thing that the son said! I understand the temptation to go off and marry alone, but I do think you should invite if possible, or at least tell your own children! There's no excuse for keeping it from children imo. With anyone else there can be all sorts of family politics, but with your own kids, you need to suck it up tbh.

With anyone else there can be all sorts of family politics, but with your own kids, you need to suck it up tbh.

I'd rather not get married than put my DD through the drama her Dad will create if he ever found out I was planning it, tbh - but she's still young and I'll no doubt change my mind once all the DC's have grown and left home.

Surely once DC's are adult, they should have the manners to accept their parents choices and celebrate with them in the same way as other family members?

I'd be moritifed if DD behaved like that as an adult, and feel I'd failed as a parent - she won't get on in life if she makes sarkie comments that hurt peoples feelings, no matter who they are!

White van story when going to a cousin's wedding - myself and my mother.

We booked at taxi to take us to the wedding but, being in the sticks of Ireland none was available on the day. A huge dirty white van arrived and delivered us to the Church. It wouldn't have been so bad if it had just been an ordinary wedding, but they had decided to make it very posh. Outside the church were bagpipes players and other special people to welcome us, as well as an audience. It was most a most incongruous sight, watching us in our finery being spat out from this huge dirty white van.

I meant the bitching about the perfectly reasonable thing that the son said! I understand the temptation to go off and marry alone, but I do think you should invite if possible, or at least tell your own children! There's no excuse for keeping it from children imo. With anyone else there can be all sorts of family politics, but with your own kids, you need to suck it up tbh.
The story was about an adult son, though, and he wasn't excluded from a wedding - the couple eloped and then had a party later, to which he was invited. This isn't unusual at all - I've personally known a handful of couples who were married without any of their family present at all - including most recently, DH's good friend who got married in another country while her teenage son stayed home with his grandparents, the bride's parents.
In mindyourown's post, it is clear that they decided on a completely private marriage with no family present. It's not what many people would choose, but neither is it unheard of or shockingly rude to marry without one's adult relatives there. If there are 'issues' and family conflicts, it makes sense.
The only bad behaviour there was the son.

Some of these have made me

Thanks for all the commiserations too. It is unsurprising that we were divorced within a year (as exH decided he didn't wnt dc despite him saying he did for the 10 yrs we had been together and that we only really got married because he wanted to be married before we started ttc) and exH and BFF got together within a month of our 'separation'. While I was crying on her shoulder about wanting him back she was fucking him. When they eventually told me it was said by exH that 'BFF (since we were 3yo btw) is sooo upset by the deceit, that it wasn't fair on her '

And no sadly 2nd wedding was shit. Not in the same way but worse really. Because, at least at the first i had mates around me and we all had a laugh and dance etc' i just remember feeling so completely happy, my exH was attentive and we were in love. The second was a sad rushed thing, when DS was 3 mo and i was a zombie, I had no friends of my own there as they all sided with exBFF (apparently i was a bitch to not stay friends with her - after all she can't help who she falls in lurve with) and it was in a crappy pub, M&Ds mates just rinsed the free bar and not one brought us a gift. DHs mates 'demanded' we go to a club at 10pm (as the pub was boring) so we left ds with my mum and went to a club neither of us wanted to go to, we paid for them all to get in and of course the club was dead, as we were the first ones there, they all said 'this is shit' and then left. One of dads mates asked one of Dh's female friends and another guest if they'd do a lesbian show for him. He also made everyone nearly miss the wedding because he dragged them into the pub first then ordered another round at 3.55pm - the wedding was at 4. So they all rushed in as it was starting and we had a room of just my parents. I had to get ready with DH alone in the hotel room while looking after refluxy ds. I didn't have time to do my hair. One couple texted about noon saying they had accidentally double booked and were going to a different wedding - that would make sense if they weren't the other side of the country and would have had to travel down the day before anyway . DH's 'best man' didn't turn up and he had to call him to be told 'nah, i'm too tired'.i wore a red dress with a white bolero (and still had 2 stone of baby weight) and someone told me i looked like father xmas. DH's parents didn't come or even acknowledge it. I just felt horribly lonely and miserable on the day, and still feel quite tearful when i think of it.

What makes it worse is we rushed it for nothing - DHs work had said he had to go to USA so we had to be married for me to get on the same visa/green card. A month after the wedding DH decided he hated his job and he was quitting anyway. So we didn't go and it was all rushed and shit for nothing. However, DH thought it was great, no fuss, just him and mates chatting in the bar. (i actually don't think DH and i said more than our vows to each other that day). I just felt no love from anyone and total sadness and disappointment.

That's so sad Mrs. Koala.

But brdgrl it wasn't just that he wasn't there, they hadn't even told him about it, he had no idea about it. He even lived in their house, wouldn't you have the decency to at least mention it at breakfast that morning?

They didn't have to tell him much in advance, but a 'btw we're getting married' at ANY point before the wedding would've been much more reasonable than 'we just got married I bet you're wondering why we didn't invite or even tell you aren't you? Well don't you dare say a word that suggests it, or we'll think you exceedingly rude isn't it wonderful?'. I'm sure he felt pretty confused and hurt at the deceit, and 'cheers for the invite' seems like a very measured response to me.

wouldn't you have the decency to at least mention it at breakfast that morning?
Mike, it sounds to me like they didn't tell any of the family. Presumably for good reasons.
If they had reason to think that the 22-year-old son (or any other member of the family) was going to make things stressful - which mind indicates in the first line of her post - or kick up and be unpleasant about their plans to do it privately - then it makes sense.
Is it ideal? No, but obviously it is not a case of an ideal family in which all members were going to be happy and supportive of the union.
The 'wedding' was the party to which the son and all the other guests were invited. The marriage service was private. Again, not uncommon, but thankfully most people don't act like tools about it. The son had the option to stay away from the wedding if he was hurt - but to come and then be rude isn't really ok, in my book.

I had a really disappointing wedding, too, MrsKoala. I don't want to post too much about it because I don't want to totally out myself. But one thing that happened was my FIL making a speech about how great my DH's first wife was. I guess I'll see the funny side of it someday...

My family, DH's family and our guests were great... But the metal stealing gypsies (and yes they were gypsies before anyone accuses me of racism) were not! They nicked the church's copper heating pipes in the dead of night before my wedding. The vicar heard them at it, called the police and was up most of the night dealing with it so forgot to do a sermon! But the village ladies (all mates of mum's and who had also helped to do the beautiful flower displays in the church) brought in electric heaters (my wedding was in the winter) and the church was lovely and warm. I didn't even find out till after our honeymoon. So no harm done

brdgrl Not sure if English isn't your first language, or if you're just trying to make an argument quite badly, but for clarity, a 'wedding' is a marriage ceremony; the party afterwards is called the reception.

The son didn't come to the reception and be rude about it - the poster didn't mention if he came to the reception or not. The comment 'thanks for the invite' was the immediate response to being told over the phone 'we got married yesterday and didn't tell you, but don't worry, you'll be invited to the wedding reception we plan to hold'. I don't think that was 'acting like a tool' about it at all. If anything, it's an under-reaction in my book. I don't want to thread hijack though, maybe this subject could be an AIBU on its own!

How could I forget my own wedding disaster? If the bride and some of the guests getting food poisoning is a disaster? I DTD with my new DH and began to feel pretty ropey. Sweet drunk DH wants to do some post coital cuddling but I have to spend the night in the very nice admittedly, think the size of a small bedroomtoilet. I couldn't complain to the venue as I'd made a bit of a fuss at having an outside caterer do a BBQ and knew the venue would blame that. We decided it had to be the Caesar salad lettuce as my veggy friend was very ill and definitely didn't have the BBQ. But I only discovered the extent of the food poisoning over time as no one wants to tell the bride her wedding breakfast has made them ill straight after she's got married. I had a few celebs at my wedding and they all behaved impeccably I'm afraid

Ah, now that might be why I'm struggling with it mike - for me a wedding and marriage are quite different things; maybe not everyone sees it like that though?

To me, a wedding is the 'hoopla' associated with the legal process of marriage - I can't imagine my DD would be that bothered about the 'marriage' - after all, the same legal rights and respinsibilities can be achieved through signing carefully drawn up documents in a solicitors office

A wedding however, is a public declaration of the commitment made between a couple and a 'reception' is a celebration of that commitment - many guests who 'celebrate' the marriage are not present when it takes place, in my experience!

Weddings, marriages and associated celebrations will undoubtedly create a range of emotions for all family members, guests and those invited. Surely it is every parents desire that they raise a child who is able to cope with those emotions without upsetting the couple who have got married?

but for clarity, a 'wedding' is a marriage ceremony; the party afterwards is called the reception.
Actually, I think you will find that amongst English speakers, in the major dictionaries and in Western societies generally, 'wedding' is defined variously as the "act of marrying" and the "celebration of a marriage".
And yes, I see that you don't think he was acting like a tool. You are entitled to your opinion. Why are you being so rude to me about mine? I haven't had a go at you, only at the son.

My Dad had his 3rd wedding very last minute (after living with his now wife for 11 years prior) at a local pizzeria, about three years ago now.

It wasn't just that when I arrived with DH the waitstaff asked if he was the new maitre d'.

Never mind that during the ceremony we heard the bells going "Ding! Order up!" And a petulant child throwing a fit because he hated pineapples and had some on his pizza.

Forget the fact that my father assigned seats for 15 people "so there would be no gossiping on our day."

Even excluding the fact that because their rings didn't fit, Dad and wife had to butter the rings so they could exchange and wear them.

Wost part was that my Dad did not mention my sisterbor me in his thank you speech but thanked his 2 best men from his previous weddings for being there (yes, using those exact words).

And the photographer took a picture of my cleavage.

All true, hand on heart!

So We're an Indian Couple; and we agreed to have an indian wedding...I'm from Texas and he's from London. (6 days of events)

1. (The dholki) The first evening, my dh's mother her sister and her sil undressed my teenage sister by undoing her sari belt in front of a large group of people exposing younger sister to about 100 of my closest 'friends'. Dh's cousin stood outside yelling at people who were parking.

1. (The Nikkah) Second evening, Dh's cousin (the same cousin) decided to establish 'control' over my dhs' relationship with me; told him he didn't need to show up for our bridal portraits for which we had already paid quite a substantial amount. He also told us that the second day was irrelevant because HE was tired and so was his family. So when it came to the event, the grooms side didn't actually show up. Turned out, someone had told my DH that I wasn't interested in marrying him anymore.

1. (The mayoun) Third evening, the night before the 'henna/mendhi' I did get in touch with my now DH who was beside himself because he had been kept away from his hotel room and any form of communication by his cousin, cousins brother (other cousin) and entire side of his fathers family. Groom finally arrived to the third nights activities where my aunt had sent back the caterer as she thought there would be no event like the night before.

1. (The mendhi) night, Dh's cousins proceeded to call my little sisters 'sluts' for dancing and said it was worse than stripping. Then when it came to speech time, he spoke about my husbands nipples (when he was a 6 yr old child) and there were close up pictures of my husband and his childhood nipples on the slideshow. Like 20 minutes worth of pictures.

1. (Shaadi) On the wedding day itself, my DH showed up 2 hours late to wedding (reception was immediately after) his family was another hour late. Turns out, Dh's cousins mother pretended to have a heart attack and his wallet and cellphone had gone missing. He had tried to call me, but I was at the spa getting ready. (my makeup artist also managed to make me look like a clown faced painted prostitute (she literally painted me white with rice powder complete with cherry red lips, angry black eyebrows and hot pink cheeks).

My mother had a nervous breakdown while I was at the spa, so she decided to take a walk and didn't come back in time to help me on with my dress; one of dh's cousins had to do it and managed to tear the back of my DRESS in the process. My sexy orange lace bra was visible through the safety pin job.

Dad also had a hard time regarding the wedding day, so stopped his car on the way to the wedding to have a NAP and was incommunicado.

When I got to the wedding venue, it was stunning and full of people...many of who came to tell me they were honoured to be invited to a family event; especially since they had been searching for their family all of their lives. Turns out, Mil and Fil wanted a large turnout for their side, so filled out some forms on a Genealogy website and invited everyone they were some how genetically linked to in America. (My parents were paying for this wedding btw)...it was really lovely to see all of these lost strangers who had done trips cross country to meet my in laws.

During the pictures, my dh's family photo bombed EVERY SINGLE SHOT. Kept taking the photographers to their tables to make sure to get all of them in various poses.

My uncle, decided that he was going to sing, so got up and sang really badly for 45 minutes. Dh's evil cousins came up and thankfully got him to stop, but only after really hurting his feelings.

Cousins from my fathers side (all over 22 yrs of age) hit on all the under 16 yr old girls.

At around midnight, I had had enough so decided that I'd cut the cake and leave. Dh and I got up and let the MC know what are intentions were, but dh's family were soo noisy no one heard. Our parents came to the cake table when they saw us walking to it---where we cut the cake, posed for our first pictures together as a couple ALL night...and then Dh's dad asked him: "Do you know what to do with her?" then gave him $400.00 to find a decent hotel room.

1. (Valima--the final wedding event) I was wearing a beautiful blue and red outfit, but felt that the whole week had been tarnished soo badly, I couldn't waste the dress on a day I was feeling soo bleak. I did end up wearing a stunning, black, gold and maroon sari that I got quite a lot of heckles for when I walked in. I would have been heckled regardless though. During the meal, they did have a dancer on stage who was fully dressed thank goodness, while she caressed her own breasts and bum for 6 dance sequences on a makeshift stage.

1. The night before we were to depart for our honeymoon, husbands wallet and cellphone turned up, which was good because he didn't have to cancel anything. He had figured it would turn up since there wasn't any activity on the accounts. So we went to sleep thinking all of this drama was over.

When we tried to board our connecting flight from LA to our international destination; I was escorted off of the plane by security. The reason was because my final destination was the UK where I had been denied a spouse visa at the very last minute. When we got off the airplane, we were told we would have to resolve the issue at the british consulate before rebooking our flight. So we decided to check into a hotel. When we got to the hotel, none of our cards were working...they had been flagged by someone who knew my husbands passwords (his mom). I had 20 pieces of luggage--I had planned to move to the UK straight after our honeymoon. We spent quite a few days homeless in LA while we sorted all of this out.

At the consulate, we were questioned over and over about our relationship and how we met. We were also asked about my intentions for coming to the UK (despite us showing our recent marriage certificate). In the end, we found out that there had been a 'tip' about me wanting to come to the UK for 'illegal purposes'.

We never got a chance to go on our honeymoon; this was 7 years ago this month. Actually, 7 years ago today, I had moved into our first home together...and that first year was an epic disaster too.

Oh my goodness, Queen of Whispers.. You poor thing, going through all that!

Good Lord, QueenofWhispers - are you still married? Was it worth it? Sounds like his family didn't really want you in it, what utterly awful things to do to you! :(

Oh. My. God, QueenofWhispers! I've been up half the night reading this thread, and I must say you story make some finale!! I was doing that incredulous so-shocking-you-have-to-laugh-but-so-awful-you-just-gasp strangled noise on every line!

Are you still speaking to ANY of your relatives? I hope not. Except your poor sisters, of course.

Thanks for sharing. I hope you & DH survived!

I think we have a new "winner" in QueenofWhispers - Libra and MrsK have been knocked off the top spots!

I think what makes Queen's story extra bad is that it went on for days! At least non Indian weddings it's one day of hell; that sounds like a week or more of pure misery. How's your relationship with DH & his family now?

QueenOfWhispers takes the lead! I can't believe you're still married. I hope you don't see any of your husband's family any more.

I have nothing as bad as this, just something a bit sad.

A good friend of mine just got married this year. Sadly, her mum died a few years ago. Her half sister had taken it upon herself to do a photo slideshow of the bride's family. Which is a lovely idea except that the half sister didn't put a single picture of the bride's mother in the show. Why?

"Because weddings are for the living."

As a topper on the cake (so to speak) the bride was pregnant but had decided to not tell anyone until after the wedding. Half sister decided to tell everyone instead...