Would I be unreasonable to set my children an exam question?

[FlouncyMcFlouncer]

It would go something like this:

Three people live in a household. They are all over 16 years old. Two work full time, one is in full time study. All three use the bathroom. All three dislike cleaning intensely, yet the bathroom is always cleaned by Person A. Explain, using both sides of the paper, why this is fair. Show your workings out.

Brilliant. Do it.

Please do it. You've worded that perfectly. (I've toyed with the idea of setting essays before - they know the format and it requires them to think logically. 'Because it's your job' doesn't look good on a big sheet of paper.) You never know, they might see the light.

I'll do one for my family . . . it goes like this

Multiple Choice

I've done a poo in the loo. Do I . . .

a. Leave it, mum'll be along soon and she just LOVES to see a nice fresh poo in the loo.

b. Shout and let everyone in the house, nay, the STREET, know my wondrous achievement. Drag loo roll around the bathroom like a puppy.

c. Wipe, flush, wash hands, maybe use a little air freshener if there's a lingering odour of product.

Clue: answer a or b and you need to try again.

A house has a bathroom radiator that comes on with the hot water and is warm even in Summer.

The correct place for wet towels is

A) The bathroom floor
B) The hall floor
C) You bed
D) The towel rail above the warm radiator.

Just a thought: is there a DP around? Could the question be set to him/her as well? (It certainly could have done when I was lady of the house!!!)

No DP here, just myself and DS (22) and DD (16).

However, I see no reason why a DP of reasonable intelligence should not be able to tackle the essay in question.

"Explain, using diagrams, how to change an empty toilet roll for a new one."

Oh now that IS unreasonable. Surely everyone knows that toilet roll changing is a skill only acquired through motherhood?

'If person A spends an evening ironing and sorting clothes into person-specific bundles, should you:

a) leave your clothes lying on the floor downstairs until you need them and then take them to your room
b) place them on the bottom stair until the next time you go up
c) take them upstairs immediately and leave them on your bedroom floor
d) take them upstairs and put them away in the correct receptacle within 10 minutes of being asked?

"Explain, using diagrams, how to change an empty toilet roll for a new one."

The answer to this will depend on the marker. How will we ensure there is consistency throughout the country and exam boards.

Does the paper hang under or over the roll? I can see this one making the Daily Mail.

"When opening a drawer to look for something should you-

a) leave that drawer open and open several others, leaving them open also?
b) close that one because the others are underneath but leave the bottom drawer open?
c) work through a drawer set from the bottom up - thus allowing all drawers to remain open?
d) search a drawer, close it, search another, close it?"

Write a 500 word essay "The Toilet Roll Fairy - Myth or Reality", givng examples from your own experience.

The correct place for dirty laundry is:
a) the bedroom floor
b) the bathroom floor
c) the laundry basket

For extra marks, describe the location of the 'laundry basket'.

(that one is definitely for DH, DD has more or less cracked that one!)

Physics
please calculate the energy used per hour by leaving on

a) a low energy bulb
b) 8 50W halogen bulbs
c) A high power spot bulb in a desk lamp.

DH and DD2, you may confer.

Flouncy - judging by the evidence of my family, you are spot on.

ooo startail. I will sign ex up for tht exam. I am always moaning that he leaves lights on when when he visits the children, he has been told that there is a perfectly good sun out there that is producing light energy bloody use it and open the damn curtains...

can we add

if it is hot,
a) leave the heating on and open the window
b) turn the heating off

I wonder if my child goes to school and says things like

"I am not paaying to heat the aatmosphere"
"I may as well throw money out of the window"
"shut the door, you are letting all the heat out"

just as I get a role play of the register.

The loo roll one is a bit unfair. Its such a rarely seen skill nowadays and clearly requires intensive training. I attempted to make things easier by getting a holder you don't need to unscrew. It hasn't worked.

Ah, you need a holder that doesn't need to unscrew and that has extra roll holding built in.

This very clever invention has made it so even my not quite toilet trained 4 year old can change the loo roll!

Q: Which of these is the appropriate place to leave papers that might be needed at a later date:

1 On the stairs.
2 Shoved into the already full bookcase in the dining room.
3 In the handy little basket on top of the filing cabinet that is clearly labelled: To Be Filed.
4 On the sideboard.

No points for any answer but 3.

Cats, you may confer.

Where is the best place to sleep?
a. In your expensive basket
b. In the clean laundry
c. On the stairs (extra points given if you are the same colour as the carpet)

Same question regarding the storage of dead mice, gekkos and rats, or, in some cases, not so dead.

Think this is a tricky one but here goes;

The dining table is a mass of random paper, pencil sharpening, bits of rubbers and mishaped paper clips. You are starving and dinner is almost ready.
Do you:

A. Plonk yourself at table expectantly
B. Brush paraphenalia in front of your place, onto the floor first, then plonk yourself expectantly
C.. Clear and set table

P.E bags should be

A. Emptied and kit put into wash
B. Left in garden to get rained on
C. Shoved under bed to fester

After having a bath is it acceptable to:

A. Leave the scum and hairs for the next bather to find.
B. Rinse out your own scum and hair leaving the bath nice and clean.
C. Something else.

On arriving home from school where is the best place for your shoes:

A. In the middle of the hall floor as a trip hazard.
B. In a free space on the handily placed rack.
C. On top of my nice sandals on the shoe rack.

On arriving home from school where is the best place for your book bag:

A. In the living room, ready to do homework.
B. On the stairs as a trip hazard for your father who is working upstairs.
C. Tucked away out of sight so that you can't find it in the morning.

You are two years old. You DM has cooked something which was your favorite until two seconds ago. Do you?

a) Shout "NO PASTAS" and fling it on the floor.
b) Eat one bite, screw up your face then spit the pasta onto the plate.
c) Spectacularly sneeze pasta and snot all over yourself, the table and the kitchen. Extra points for getting any on your DM who has to go to work.
d) Make assorted horses, giraffes and Shrek figurines 'eat' the pasta until they are covered in a fine but grafted on layer.
e) Actually eat the bloody pasta

Answer e) is only included in the creative writing portion of the exam since it doesn't actually exist in real life.

Describe the parabola that your pee ought to make if you had Angry Bird final level accuracy. (2)

Describe the parabola it actually makes. (2)

Estimate the angle between them. (3)

If the average flow is x cubic m per second, estimate the quantity that will miss the floor. (3)

Bonus marks
Explain why clearing up the mess might be important. ( max 5 marks)

Total 15 marks.

You begged to have guinea pigs four years ago. Your father was not keen, but you promised faithfully to look after them. Should you

a) Put them out on the lawn (weather permitting), bring them in at night, get their food ready and feed them without moaning
b) Moan every single day about having to do anything
c) Ask why the other sibling shouldn't clean/feed them and leave most of the work to your father who knew this would happen and didn't want them in the first place.

You are now getting older and sometimes come in after your parents have gone to bed. Should you

a) Leave any utensils that you use from a midnight snack where you had them, usually the living-room
b) Leave any crumbs and detritus from said midnight snacks so that another household member can clear them up
c) Put everything that you have used in the dishwasher, or if the dishwasher is already on, wash up everything you have used and clean up after yourself.

You have nearly everything you need, but as you are quite untidy, you can't always find stuff. Do you
a) Ask before you use other people's things and return it either to them or the place you got it from
b) Take other people's stuff without asking permission and just leave it where you finish with it
c) Take other people's stuff into your (extremely untidy) bedroom, deny all knowledge of it.

I am actually printing out a mock exam sheet (two DC have been doing GCSEs and A levels this year) and I am going to use it during a discussion over dinner to work out what chores need to be done and who's going to do them otherwise I will have two children who are just going to do nothing all summer and leave DH and me to clear up after them. They don't do enough around the house as it is, except if they want to. They're not bad, just thoughtless. DH and I were just discussing recently the chores we had to do. We've got a dishwasher and they don't even do the after dinner washing-up (although the household set-up is different than when I was young and dinner is at a much later time than ours was when we were children).

When I first started teaching, our students had to answer multiple choice questions with various possible combinations of answers.

Q. The correct place for socks is:

1 On your feet 2 In the laundry basket 3 Under the sofa 4 Under your bed

answer A) 1 or 2 only
answer B) 3 or 4 only
answer C) All of the above

Q. When eating spaghetti bolognaise, the correct place to wipe your mouth is:

a) On your sleeve.
b) On the dining chair.
c) On your sibling.
d) On the napkin that your mother thoughtfully provided right next to your arm.