Would I be unreasonable to set my children an exam question?

[FlouncyMcFlouncer]

It would go something like this:

Three people live in a household. They are all over 16 years old. Two work full time, one is in full time study. All three use the bathroom. All three dislike cleaning intensely, yet the bathroom is always cleaned by Person A. Explain, using both sides of the paper, why this is fair. Show your workings out.

1. The correct time to check your homework planner is

A) on getting home from school B) after tea C) 9pm.

1. If Mum's car does 48 mpg and diesel costs £1.38 per litre calculate how much pocket money you owe mum each time you forget vital homework (distance to school is 5 miles)

Calculators and convertabot may be used.

The correct time to remember your drama homework is certainly not 11.05

Teabags and bottle tops and loo rolls are obviously the basic foundation course.

There is an additional course on matches and light bulbs,

When they are used should they be
A) left where they were changed
B) put back in their original containers to amuse those who are looking for fresh ones
C) put hot into the plastic bin
D ) got is of by some other disposal mechanism

If d) explain the reasons for your choice.

Mumsnet, classic, pretty please....so topical, so eternal...

Rid, not is.

For my DS (2)

You have just spent half an hour unwrapping a mini baby bel to find that it has split into two pieces, do you...

A) wail at the top of your voice "cheese broken" with added tears for effect?

B) throw it on the floor and demand "nother cheese"?

C) take it to mummy and ask her to "mend cheese, fix it"?

D) just eat the bloody cheese!

Mathematics:

If the school bus leaves at 7:45 and it takes you ten minutes to walk to the bus stop, and you set off at 7:42 travelling at a walking speed of approximately speed of one mile a fortnight, what time (if ever) will you eventually reach the school gates?

(sorry, there seems to be an extra 'speed' in the above, I expect I would fail Eng. Lang. )

Explain in detail the scientific principles under which dirty plates left in the kitchen sink reappear the next day neatly stacked and clean in the cupboard without any action on your part by way of washing them up or putting them away. State whether your answer would differ if your mother did not live in the same house.

Maryz your dad wins the prize for that one - a bonfire ?!

Are small halogen light bulbs included in the course?
As DH randomly leaves live and dead bulbs around the kitchen, in and out their boxes.

Question for 12y girls
Is the correct place to practice gymnastics
A) The sofa
B) the kitchen
C) the trampoline
D) by jumping off your bed

If the correct answer is D calculate how many of the aforementioned bulbs you are responsible for breaking.

(OK I accept it is not DDs fault that the kitchen lights are on long springy bars or that the celling isn't very stiff, but sometimes it sounds like there is an elephant doing cartwheels).

Another furniture-jumping question: if a picture on the wall falls down the back of the sofa just because you were getting up onto it to get comfy, honest, who should get the blame?
A) the stupid picture
B) your mum
C) the dog

On arriving home from school where is the best place for your shoes:

Er both shoes in the same place?

1)When you are asked for the 5th time to feed the dog/cat/small furry thing, do you
a) continue to ignore in the hope the food will magically appear in the said pet's dish
b) do it, but trail your knuckles along the floor, grunting protests as you go
c)do it, but fail to notice that the said pet's drinking bowl is totally bone dry, which is why she has been licking the puddles outside
d) It never got to even the first or second request because you'd already done it, and ensured there was fresh drinking water

2. If you answered a, b or c to question 1, explain with valid reasons why the above reminder has had to be issued every day, twice a day for the last five years.

Mrs terry pratchett

I am crying with much needed laughter. I thank you.
Excellent thread OP - Love it x

Geography
Where is your homework?
Where should it be?

Maths
How much homework do you have?
How long have you had to do it?

English
Spelling: homework - what you should be doing now
H-O-M-E-W-O-R-K
Creative writing: reasons for not having done my homework
Writing to instruct: do your sodding homework
Writing to persuade: why I can't do my homework without TV/ipod/

French
What should you be doing tout de suite?
What is the French for 'lazy arse'?

Food technology
Why is it nutritionally unsound for the dog to eat your homework?
Why is it unlikely for you to have gastroenteritis every time you have an essay due?

Physical education
Look down the sofa/under the bed/in your bag. Go downstairs to get your bag. Complete obstacle course to get to stairs.

Philosophy
Explain why when your homework falls down the back of the sofa your mum will indeed make a sound.
Homework is not like Schroedinger's bloody cat. You have either done it or you haven't. Discuss.

History
What we learn from homework deadlines is that we don't learn from homework deadlines. Discuss.

Sociology
Why do the majority of teens leave homework to the last minute?
Why do most mums end up doing craft projects shouting I need longer than a day's notice to make a model of the solar system goddammit?

Art
Write your homework on your hand then find it impossible to read.

Music
Play at full volume while pretending to do your homework.

Science
If I put a rocket up your bum will you do your homework any quicker?

You have walked in the front door half an hour late. It is dinnertime. Your wife has spent all day with two small children, one of whose vocabulary consists of "NonononoNO. STOP. More. More MORE MORE. MORE DAT [where "dat" refers to any one of 100 objects but is more likely to refer to something sharp, pointy, hot or highly breakable]. She is trying to serve macaroni cheese from hot pan into small child dishes while being clung to by both children. The cat is meowing. The house is cold because nobody has lit the fire yet. The elder child is explaining in great detail why everybody should listen to the song she's just made up. The cat is still meowing. The smaller child is now crying, having been bumped onto the floor by the elder child. The table needs setting. The macaroni is congealing.

Do you:

a) Clear the table, feed the cat and go off to light the fire
b) Sweep up the smaller child in a hug and take both girls off to read them a story while the dinner preparations are finished
c) Give your wife a kiss, tell her it smells nice, and hand each child a bowl and a spoon before pouring large glasses of wine
d) Stand in the kitchen and launch into a story about how somebody criticised your use of microbiology in a report, but they've failed to take into account the difference between an oncoid and an oovoid microstructure and therefore you're pretty sure that you can successfully cross-correlate your findings with those from a previous hydropetrology report and discount the suggestion in the 1983 paper describing the links between petrochemical corrosion and calcium carbonate, or some such nonsense, don't ask your wife what that means, she is by now necking the wine that she POURED HERSELF

BeyonceCastle it is nice to know that my pain has helped another person to smile. Now, can you tell me how to get snot and bolognese out of linen?

When you arrive home and the household has finished dinner, you proceed to reheat your dinner, when you are finished do you

a) put your used plate and cutlery in the dishwasher
b) leave your used plate and cutlery on top of dishwasher
c) shout in your loudest voice, Mum is the dishwasher stuff clean
d) open and close dishwasher and think fuck it, mum will sort it

Essay answer required and specific explanations as to why you answered the way you did, no less than 1500 words will be accepted or marked

Classics please!

German holiday homework.

Part one,
Compile a list of resources for improving your German.

Part two - Using these resources,
Please write a short essay on why you haven't done your german HW, why you should do your homework and the merits of staying out of detention. (2,4,6 marks)

(The mark scheme gives a clue as to how many swear words/insults you are allowed to address to your German teacher)

So far today:

When we are running late should you
A) wash, get dressed, brush teeth and get downstairs in double quick time
B) sit on your bed for 10 minutes staring in to space, wearing nothing but your left sock

At nearly 12 years old, if you fall out of bed at 3am, should you
A) get back in, go back to sleep
B) go into your mum's bedroom, wake her up to tell her you fell out of bed and whinge a lot

Socks should be worn
A) on your feet
B) on your hands
C) over the dogs nose

When answering, please bear in mind we are running late and you need to get bloody dressed

Freddie I thought I had the only 11-12 year old child still capable of falling out of bed.

Sometimes she comes in and wakes me up, sometimes I find her asleep on the floor, most often I'm shown the bruise for the next week.

She has a double bed FFS

Everyone in our household has passed stage 1 of the 'changing the loo roll' exam...

However, stage 2 or 'what to do with the empty loo roll thingy' has completely flummoxed them.

Should it;
a. be placed in the waste bin next to the loo
b. dropped on the floor
c. used as a new decoration by putting it over the thermostat on the radiator

DTs go for (b) DP thoughtfully selects (c)

I am properly shaking with laughter.

Maryz my dad would also do totally random things as we had visitors coming, holidays to leave for and the like. These included but were not limited to, washing the car hubcaps (not the whole car, just the hubcaps), bleaching the sink, sorting out his tools, etc

After selecting "Horrible Histories" as your tv programme of choice, the remote control should be:

A)Shoved under the sofa.
B)Placed on the coffee table.
B)Taken for a stroll around the garden,left near the nearest tree,overnight,during a heavy rainstorm.