Just had the worst job interview ever. Anyone else care to share?

[EggNogRules]

I am morto and at myself. I was in and out in 20 mins .

I am used to initiating meeting with new clients and thought I had prepared well. I was so nervous, I had to keep drinking water to stop my lips from sticking to my teeth. It was all I could think about. None of the answers I prepared were useful. I need to rewind and do over because I have better answers now (after the nick of time).

Bugger.

[picketywick]

A woman interviewr said "could you work under a woman?" Collapse

[NewKateMumsnet]

Hello everyone,

Just to let you know we're going to move this thread to Classics, as you all deserve it for sharing your cringe stories plus we all want to laugh at them forever

[MurderOfGoths]

[FellowshipOfFestiveFellows]

I had to describe a pen to an interviewer once, from the point of view of selling a standard Bic to a customer. Fucking mental.
I really enthused about the plastic hard casing being soft and easy to grip for ease of pleasurable writing . So basically, I made a Bic sound like a sex toy.

Funnily enough, I got the job though, and had to avoid the boss in the lift who used to take the piss out of me for it the whole time I worked there.

[SlightlySuperiorPeasant]

MNHQ broke the rules Definitely Classics!

[EggNogRules]

Job offer = no
Thread started by me in Classics = and

Did NewKateMumsnet share her interview shenanigans for mumsnet and hence the two deletions?

Anyhow, feedback did not mention lack of saliva and goldfishing (nods to Jingleflobba). I explained my servere attack of nerves and have asked to be kept in mind should anything else come up. I really wanted this job and know I could do it really well. In the meantime I have perfected my CV and sent it off to register with a couple of Agencies.

Thanks and keep them coming. Great advice on what not to do.

[MrsMarigold]

I've had so many bad interviews when I was younger and jobs were plentiful.
I once told the interviewer I would rather drive a bus than work for her company because it seemed so boring. Amazingly they still asked me to do an exercise after that, I declined and left.

Another time I wore on a silk blouse with a pussy bow and the obligatory pencil skirt and heels. The interview was fine, but when I got into the lift to leave I noticed that the bow had come undone, the blouse was actually very low cut and my boobs were spilling out. I got asked for a second interview and said jokingly that it must've been my lowcut top that did it. They cancelled the interview.

I also once went to an interview when I was sick off work (genuinely) got more sick and they paid for a taxi to take me home (About £30).

[MrsMarigold]

I also once had to tell a joke and the only thing that came into my head was "What do call a French five breasted nun? Cinq-titty of course!"

Dreadful but I got a second interview which I then missed because I was in hospital with a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.

[MrsMarigold]

Also once went for an interview where all applicants had to be assessed by a psychologist - I turned up and the psychologist was a girl I'd last seen at university stoned out of her tree walking on a roof. We recognised each other immediately and I knew there was no chance I would ever get a job there.

[EggNogRules]

Mrs Marigold, I loved your joke but probably won't add it to my interview prep.

[AViewfromtheFridge]

I went for an interview for my first teaching post at a school where the Head had a reputation for being a right bitch. During the interview, she said "Of course, if I had my way I'd just bulldoze all these horrible houses to the ground," gesturing grandly at the council houses all around.There was a pause, then I said, "My grandma lives in one of those houses." (She did, as it happened, but I probably would have said something like that anyway.)

At the end of the interview, when she asked me if I was still a firm candidate and I said no, she took me outside away from the rest of the panel, grabbed my arm, leaned right in so her face was inches from mine and hissed, "I wouldn't have offered you the job anyway."

Stupid cah.

Then there was another job when I was asked what I thought equal opportunities meant. I said it was treating everybody the same which, of course, is exactly what it isn't!

[Merinda]

No cringe stories, but in an interview for a strategy manager job at an industrial multinational I was asked by some idiot-recruiter whether "as a woman, I was strong enough to work in business" WTF? I have an MBA degree, and had 10 years of business experience at that point!

Another recruiter was asking me whether I was prepared to take a lower salary, considering the position they were looking to fill was in a "slightly different industry". I firmly said no, at which he got very offended

[OrbisNonSufficit]

OP I wouldn't worry so much. I've interviewed people and made a decision within 20 minutes that I like them and I think they can do the job better than the other candidates. It really depends on the role and how formal the selection process is.

[EggNogRules]

I know this was a job I could excel at and I would have fit into the team well.
The morning before the meeting was stressful, dealing with a badly behaved 6yo, rushing like a lunatic and getting drenched with rain didn't help. I was so nervous because this was the job for me. Feedback was ok and they said I did well and was a strong applicant. They didn't say I was good at interview, because that would have been a lie. Vair diplomatic though, good on 'em.

[Wheresmypopcorn]

I went for an interview for a position with a large public transport company in London ( let's just say the company names begins with T). I arrived about 10 minutes early (12.50am) due to the tube actually working so thought I'd give my name at the reception, then wait and collect my nerves. office was all watching World Cup or Euro England game (think it was ending off) when I arrived and no-one was working. Hence man I was meeting storms through shouting : "you're 40 minutes early!" I was extremely embarrassed, apologized profusely and told him that our mutual agent had given me that time, was obviously mistaken and that I would go outside and come back at 1.30 pm which he had deemed was the time of my actual interview. Getting more red by the second, he waved me through to his office and put me through a bog standard interview, his voice seething with resentment and anger. I tried to be as polite as possible but felt like the hugest idiot in the world for messing up the interview time and wanted to run out of the room and cry. At the end of the interview he's showing me out with annoyed gestures and looks down at his clipboard at our interview details and says: "oh, I see it was actually for 1pm". no apology followed. Wanker :(

[Wheresmypopcorn]

I have also had a no show. you know, when you lie like crazy to get off work early because you have an interview for your dream job, rehearse like mad, have a sleepless night, only to pitch up to find out the person you were meeting just felt like going home instead of meeting you.

[gremlindolphin]

These are fab!

I have had two memorable ones - one where I had a nose bleed and basically bleed all over the interviewers office! I don't know why I didn't ask to stop and sort myself out, I just tried to keep going and stuff tissues up my nose. Makes me laugh to think about it now.

Awful one was where I was down to last 3 people after a long process of interviews, group exercises, etc and it was all going really well. The panel asked me what I thought my current colleagues would say about me if asked which I thought was a good question.

I then decided to be a smart arse and ask this same question back at the end to the main person I would be working with - he was really not amused and wouldn't answer the question - very bizarre, the atmosphere completely changed and I didn't get the job, still makes me cringe!

[Silibilimili]

Not a cringe story but the women who interviewed me made me feel so small and inadequate that I thought I'd share another one.
I applied for a summer job during uni. You know how tight money is. I took a train to get to the location. A wary wary swanky store.
As soon as I walked in, the women said, oh, we've already filled the position. (Then why the -f- duck did she not call me to let me know?! ) then she went on giving me advice on finding a job saying I don't need to work in a store. She was vary posh. Double barrelled name, accent to match...! Went on to advice me that I can make people's cvs for a living as my cv was so good.
But she wasted my money and time to tell me this and somehow made me feel inadequate.
Still makes me angry that I did not respond to her then. I was polite and thanks her for the advice!

[zzzexhaustedzzz]

A manager at Pizza Express when it just started out and I went for a waitressing job asked me in an extremely sleazy manner what 'oral communication' meant. On my application form as part of GCSE English. Horrible slathering perv. I was so innocent!

[MumsKnitter]

I had a horrible interview when I was about 18. It was near a tube station that seemed to have about 20 different exits. I have little sense of direction above ground, and none at all when underground. I kept popping up at the wrong exit, like a demented rabbit out of a warren. I could sometimes see where I needed to get to, but there were crossing points above ground - all railed off and at least three lanes of roaring London traffic between me and my goal. I was 45 minutes late and feeling very tearful on arrival, but managed to make the best of it and recover somewhat. Interview actually went ok and the guy seemed friendly and sympathetic about my journey. Then at the end he was driving in my direction, and offered me a lift. I was just so mentally exhausted I hit a wall, and couldn't chat in the car. I was monosyllabic and very hard work to talk to. Didn't get the job!"

[MumsKnitter]

there were no crossing points...

[MrsReiver]

Oh MumsKnitter I've got this fantastic vision of you as some kind of tube based whack-a-mole. I'm wondering if there's a board game in it!

[PlaySchool]

MumsKnitter That tube exit thing sounds like one of my nightmares. I have a recurrent dream that I am trying to get somewhere important and wherever I turn it is the wrong way. It is horrid.