what is the oddest thing someone has done when you have visited their house?

[2shoeskickedtheeasterbunny]

mine was my DB, he did warn me but tbh I was so...... [bushock]
I was kind of 'oh ok"
he put old sheets on the floor to protect his carpet from...

dd's wheelchair wheels

guess where we won't be going again(this was after he insisted she was shoved in the corner of the table at a pub...just in case she got in the staff's way....WTF)

??? YOUR please

Another one waiti.g for rrs and laughing at ham or cheese or ham and cheese :O

Ok Gin

Just for you but this happened at my house with her as a guest.

Ex-friend turned up on the Friday night as invited with a huge load of luggage and a fan heater. I was fine with the luggage but by the fan heater. It was January but we live in a largish house with very good central heating and a log fire. On her bed was a double goose down quilt and a patchwork counterpane. Double cozy.

She was recently divorced and wanted to go out. Fine. We went to a little local pub and had a few drinks and then she got chatting to a couple of very young guys. We were in our forties and they were about 21/22.

She threw a HUGE hissy fit because I wouldn't invite them back to my house. My DP was there. I didn't want strange drunken blokes in my house and no I didn't want to try their drugs. I love my DP and was not interested in any bloke never mind one that I would iron Paddington jim-jams for!

She then went to bed and plugged in the fan heater. I said that the house was warm enough and did she need it? She replied that she needed it for the noise and she couldn't sleep without it and it 'only' cost three pounds a night in electricity.

The next night (and the real reason she came down for) was a Burns Night Supper for fourteen people. Four courses and crystal glasses and white tableclothes.

Get the picture?

She got horrendously drunk before 7pm and as the guests arrived she decided that each and everyone hated her. I tried to soothe her and told her it was not so.

During the starter she went upstairs and packed her bags. She was drunk "and was leaving beacuse we all hated her".

I persuaded her to stay (as there was no way she was fit to drive).

The dinner was timed to perfection and the haggis was aflaming and the toastmaster was standing ready with dirk raised (Scots MNers will understand the importance of this). I was just about to pipe in the haggis (three of them) when her phone rang. She stood in the sitting room for fifteen minutes complaining loudly to her mum about me while the haggis died and the food went cold.

The table was silent as I served and the toastmaster lost his voice and we sat in slience.

She then placed her foot very firmly in the crotch of my boss and told him "I knew you would be big".

I wish I could laugh now.

I went to her place next. It got worse there.

Very long! Sorry!

I want to hear what happened next at her place!

Thanks Redrubyshoes you are a master of suspense - nextnext!

Would have loved to see the look on your bosses face!!!!!

this lady is priceless but I can see why she is divorced.

His wife was sitting opposite him. I forgot to add that.

I would love an invite to your next Burns Night provided she isn't there and I get the goose down quilt

Redrubyshoes - saved the best titbit for last! Would have loved to see his and her face!!!!!!!!

Gin

Yep - how we laughed....................................the wife was sooooooo happy.

Think

I am squirming for you now and I am only reading it on a forum!!!

How was work the next monday? Do you still work with him? How many apologies did you give?

Gin

I am squirming now and it was never mentioned by my boss.

Thank god!

I shall recover from the squirming and when I recover I will tell you the story of when I went to her place.

[sobs harder]

I will go to my special place to cry and come back.

Your boss is a trooper!!!

I am going for dinner in about half an hour - will you put me out of my misery give the next instalment by then?

I am still laughing at 'I knew you would be big'

think that'll be my secret in-joke for the week. I will slip it innocuously into conversation whenever possible and have a private inward chuckle.

Probably not something you ever wanted to know about your boss

Arf!

Vivian and Gin

I felt for her - she had two marriages in quick succesion and she leaned on me.

After her second divorce she went to live with her parents on a remote farm in Scotland. The only neighbours were sheep farmers John and Morag (names changed to protect the innocent).

Her parents got friendly with John and Morag and and they were lovely people. Then John was diagnosed with cancer and died very quickly afterwards, it was all very sad and I was there as a visitor a week later.

My friend and her parents refused to attend the funeral as 'they don't do that sort of thing'.

When I was there Morag came round a week after the funeral sobbing and distraught and went to the only place she could walk to for solace. Her neighbours. Walked into friend's Dad's workshop looking for company and a comforting cup of tea and chat.

He went purple with rage and stormed into the house screaming "that his personal space had been violated and he will never be safe again".

My friend then went screaming into the recently widowed woman's house and basically told her at high volume "Did she realise what she had done! Violating my Dad's personal and private space and what was she thinking!!!! You selfish cow. He will never feel safe again etc etc" I heard this from the meadow I was standing in.

Then her Mum appeared and repeated the same to the new widow.

Her Father was a retired professor and her mother was a doctor. They were all fucking mad!!

WOW. Just WOW

I actually did a sharp intake of breath at that!!!!

That poor poor widow!! Did you go in after and give her a huge hug?????

No wonder she has seen off two husbands!!!

Poor Morag!!!

She didn't see the irony of invading Morags house to deliver the rebuke then!!!

Are you still friends with her or did Morag come back in the dead of the night and murder them all

I can't believe you went back to visit her ruby.

I can only repeat.

They were all fucking mad!

The last time I spoke to her was to tell her that my darling Dad was terminally ill and had a few short months to live.

Her reply was;

"You didn't send me a birthday card last week".

I had found out the week before that Dad was going to die.

Strange that I wasn't quite 'there' to get my head together to send her a card.

Like I said. Fucking MAD!

Fed me pasta with cold, runny flavourless white sauce dumped on it, and then picked a child's poo off the carpet with bare hands.

In the same visit. I guess I should be glad it wasn't in the reverse order.

This is minor compared to the plain bonkers and possibly mentally ill types mentioned previously but...
Years ago, my lodger's girlfriend (who lived with her mum) would visit regularly and run her finger along bookshelves, or the mantelpiece, or the tops of door frames-and then show me the dust and huff in my face. She also used to stand in the kitchen with her hands on her hips and tut tut. I may add that the messiest person in the house by far was the lodger.

A few months later the lodger and she set up home, and it is going to be so much better and cleaner for him, apparently than my slothful housekeeping. I'd got sick of her snidey comments by this time and stopped socialising with her and her dust covered index finger being shoved in my face.

Fascinating appendix to this tale: I often saw the ex-lodger at work and one day, about 6 months after they had moved in together he lets slip that they are getting a cleaner, because his girlfriend had turned to him and said "I'm sick of cleaning this f*cking house".

A few months later than that he also lets slip that the agency cleaners "really aren't very good" and they had had so many cleaners he really thought it was a bad show there were not more reliable cleaners in the world. I nearly said that the cleaners probably left due to having a dusty index finger poked in their eye, but didn't.

Tame compared to some

Many years ago, my then DP would announce that we were going to Cape Town or Durban and say "Its Ok, we will stay with X person".

Visit 1: Cape Town for a friends wedding. We arrive at the friends house - minimalist does not really describe his home, orange crate furniture etc but he was a sweet and gracious host and clearly didnt have a penny. Having driven for 14 hours to get there, I asked if I might have a bath. He said I could, but Id have to wait a while for the water to heat up. He then filled the cast iron tub with about 3 inches of cold water and plugged in an immersion heater - the kind you get at the bottom of a kettle? Or actually the kind you would plug into a car cigarette lighter thingie to make a cuppa on the go. Two hours later I had a barely luke warm bath brrrrr. The same immersion heater was to be used to make tea next morning. The wedding wasnt until noon, so had to stay all morning.

Visit 2: We worked nights, and we were invited to a new year party about an hour or so away. Friend would put us up. We finished work at 11:30ish and headed straight off to party. When we got there, naturally everyone was pissed, the hosts made us up a bed in the lounge and staggered off to bed. Their friend was still up drinking, we had a glass of wine, with WHitney Houston blaring on the stereo. He passed out with his eyes open, so we werent quite sure if he was still awake listening to the music or asleep or passed out. The tape was on a loop. DP wouldnt switch off tape because he thought it would be rude. At 4am I went and "slept" in the car, still hearing "i wanna dance with somebody" - Hate whitney now!

Visit 3: "We will stay with Mrs B" he announced. unknown to me, she was his ex's granny. His split with ex had not been amicable. WHat was he thinking? I spent a loooooong evening chit chatting with the old bird while the clock ticked and she answered all questions and attempts to chat in monosyllables with a catsbum face.

I never let my DP organise accommodation after that!

redruby - , just and - what a set of utter bastards. :( That poor woman (and you of course).

Miggsie - I don't mind people being obsessive about cleanliness IF they're prepared to do it themselves. IF they're not, then they can stick it where the sun don't shine! Cheeky mare, that one.