I CANNOT listen to next door having sex any longer.

[ShowOfHands]

I might cry.

I posted about this a while ago. They're newly in love and have loud, explicit and long bouts of sex. They were at it 3am-5am, woke both of the children. DD was falling asleep in her shreddies at 7.30am when they started round 2 and she's gone to school tired and asking inappropriate questions. I've JUST got ds to sleep (20 weeks old) and they're slapping up against the wall screaming and shouting again.

It's not funny. I tried to find it lightly amusing at first but it's horrid. Really unpleasant to listen to and I'm having to walk round with ds in his pram to get him to sleep most mornings- and to give me a break- as they're at it morning, noon and night.

She said to me yesterday over the fence 'I expected to be disturbed by your ds when he was born but we haven't heard a peep out of him yet'. No. Your wailing and screaming blots out birdsong ffs.

Can I say something? It's seriously affecting our sleep. How on earth do I approach it? Or do I just leave it? I don't want to fall out with her, she's a pleasant enough woman. But I could draw her naked from the opining her bloke does. That audio commentary for the blind you can accidentally activate on your freeview box? It's like that.

[TheRhubarb]

I'd rather not tanfastic - thanks.

Yes apparently when you go to bed and know you won't be woken at 5am and 6am every morning, you wake up, feel horny and have sex.

My dh used to try and have sex in the middle of the night. Now if he so much as turns over and wakes me up I bite his head off.

[spiderlight]

Record the 'performance' and then play it back loudly immediately afterwards

[MateyMooo]

i'd be more inclinded to take the direct route. Next time they are at it, go up to the wall nearest them and start hammering on it as loud as you can, every time they start, you start hammering.

they will soon get the message that you can hear them, and will notice that every time they start banging... so do you.

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

Seriously, call environmental health!!

[PinotMN]

I wouldn't be brave enough to actually speak to her, as I'd either wipe myself into a frenzy (no pun intended) and be all spluttery, or I'd do it whilst angry and that would be no good at all.

I would write a letter.

Or I would bang on the wall loudly and repeatedly each and every time they do it. That way no words, written or otherwise, are needed.

Your children should not have to listen to someone being rogered senseless all the live long day.

[PinotMN]

wipe myself into a frenzy??? I think I meant wind

[PinotMN]

[spiderlight]

Or or or or or......find a recording of a big crowd applauding and play that on the other side of the wall immediately after each performance.

[Combinearvester]

Our ex next door neighbour once started a random conversation out of the blue about how badly built our houses were, cheap plasterboard, how thin the walls were and how she could even hear a sneeze next door. She was sort of blushing and looking at the floor while she said it, took me bloody ages to get the hint :)

We kept it down a bit after that. Having said that I did once hear her doing the hoovering at 2am and thought it was a funny sounding hoover...

[MrsPotter]

I think at this point, next time I copped her out in the garden, it would be a blunt "can you stop shagging so loud?"

[BelleEnd]

Just "Could you keep it down, d'you think? The kids are awoken by your noise and they're asking awkward questions."

[AlwaysbeOpralFruitstome]

Play Frankie Goes to Hollywood's Relax through the wall.

[largeginandtonic]

I will come up for another visit SOH. Have no fear

I would LOVE to pop over and have a word.

[Fimbo]

I am with DOG, I am clearly odd as I do not make such noises whilst engaged in "extra curricular activities".

[largeginandtonic]

That sounded rude. I just meant i wouldn't mind the confrontation, in fact would enjoy the squirm

[ShowOfHands]

To be clear, it's definitely sex. Unless during domestic abuse couples are prone to screaming 'oooooh right there you brilliant fucker, shove it right there'. It's like poetry isn't it?

I can't possibly understand how she doesn't know we can hear her. She's completely misunderstood volume, ears, distance, polite behaviour and the effect loud shagging has on new mothers who like their sleep when it comes around.

I have a lot of folk music with horny stuff in it. Might dig out 'Over the Hills and Far Away' and play it at full blast. Get the message across nicely.

LG&T, I would pay good money to hear you confront The Shaggers.

I've just seen her in the shared yard, loading boxes into her car. I'm surpised she can shagging well walk.

[mejon]

You have my deepest sympathies. We had neighbours like this and we did eventually move because of this and various other problems (and I loved that house ). Is your DH an uniformed policeman? If so I'd send him round straight from work in his police clothes to have a quiet word.

[Fimbo]

Oh I wasn't doubting it, I am full of sympathy of you. Personally I have no need to shout such things at dh.

Maybe she is road testing "products' on herself.

I agree with mejon get Dh to go round there in his uniform.

[cocolepew]

I should move in next door to you.
I'm the quietest shagger ever

[HippoPottyMouth]

I presume you don't have her email address so you could just send her this thread?? Or recommend it on Facebook for her to see all the helpful suggestions? :)

[BonzoDooDah]

Sounds like she is definately fishing to me. So you need to tell her.
Get DH to go round and have a quiet word. Sounds like his job makes him perfect. In uniform would be better too!

Oh and my friend lives nextdoor to a similar couple - they are known as Rodger and Mona! (relieves the tension a bit having silly names for it)
But it does sound waaaaay too much too long to not do something.