I CANNOT listen to next door having sex any longer.

[ShowOfHands]

I might cry.

I posted about this a while ago. They're newly in love and have loud, explicit and long bouts of sex. They were at it 3am-5am, woke both of the children. DD was falling asleep in her shreddies at 7.30am when they started round 2 and she's gone to school tired and asking inappropriate questions. I've JUST got ds to sleep (20 weeks old) and they're slapping up against the wall screaming and shouting again.

It's not funny. I tried to find it lightly amusing at first but it's horrid. Really unpleasant to listen to and I'm having to walk round with ds in his pram to get him to sleep most mornings- and to give me a break- as they're at it morning, noon and night.

She said to me yesterday over the fence 'I expected to be disturbed by your ds when he was born but we haven't heard a peep out of him yet'. No. Your wailing and screaming blots out birdsong ffs.

Can I say something? It's seriously affecting our sleep. How on earth do I approach it? Or do I just leave it? I don't want to fall out with her, she's a pleasant enough woman. But I could draw her naked from the opining her bloke does. That audio commentary for the blind you can accidentally activate on your freeview box? It's like that.

[ShowOfHands]

DS is a baby. He can't stay anywhere bar next to my breasts. And if I did have a night off from it all, I'd be sleeping. Or not actually. I'd be sitting in bed crying as the sex woke me up yet again.

I do v much like the bins/recycling thing. 5 times so far today she's reached a crescendo. She must be faking.

[ChaosTrulyReigns]

I quite like the symbioticness of you drilling while they're drilling.

Also: hammering; screwing; nailing and stripping.

[Bloodyhellthathurts]

If she really can't hear your son then I'd bet she'd be mortified that you can hear her and even more so the longer you go without saying something. You can be tactful but if I were her (hollow laugh- some chance with a 6 month old) I would be embarrassed but not offended..

[Chandon]

A note can be shown to others, and laughed at, picked to pieces.

I would just go up one day when you know they are at home and ask;

"Sorry, but your sex sessions are so loud it wakes the kids up. Could you bear that in mind? Thanks"

No effusive apologies.

They probably LOVE that you hear them, they are turned on by it, I don't think they'd be embarrassed at all, I think they'd be proud for having been discovered to be "at it" all the time. I have friends who boasted recently how their neighbour complained about them having loud sex. They tell this story to boast how great their sex life is!

So no, they won't be embarrassed at all, they'll giggle and love it. That's why a direct request ("could you tone it down a bit so you don't wake my kids? thanks") would be best. really.

[MackerelOfFact]

Our neighbours are opera singers and practice most days for about an hour. The other day I thought they were doing some kind of duet but it turns out they make operatic sex noises. At least it's easier to explain to the DCs.

Can you applaud loudly when they're done? Or write the letter, but be as light-hearted about it as possible. Listening to boffing is one thing, but children hearing it, being kept awake and asking questions is quite another.

[catonlap]

lol at 'she's a dildo tester'. Maybe she is and her dp is just sat quietly having a cup of tea

I think when she said she couldn't hear your ds she was fishing for comments from you and probably hoping you would say you can't hear much from them either??

[NK346f2849X127d8bca260]

We had this with our elderly neighbours where we used to live.

One day he was complaining that the children made alot of noise in the garden. So i took the opportunity to tell him that i was fed up of hearing him saying to his partner 'come on, come on' and her wailing through the walls very night. Never heard them again after that!

I would be knocking on her door.

[MooncupGoddess]

I had a flatmate like this once. In response I put on my most obscure early music CD and turned it up very high every time she and her boyfriend started at it.

It worked surprisingly quickly without the need for any awkward confrontations. I suspect that the Hungarian crumhorns made the post-coital lull considerably less enjoyable

[ObviouslyOblivious]

If it's that bad and making you feel uncomfortable in yor own home, you either need to talk to her or environmental health.

[Methe]

Having just youtubed mooncup I think that is a genius idea.

[pigsinmud]

No way I could actually speak to someone about the fat their noisy sex is waking the household. Delegate to your dh. My dh wouldn't be able to do it and we would be forced to write a passive aggressive note! Either that or I'd have to get my 5 year old dd2 to say something....she's very good at being blunt.

[cutegorilla]

Next time she says she can't hear your Ds say "that's strange because I can hear everything you do." And look her right in the eye.

[Methe]

Oh SOH, you've got to

[pigsinmud]

Should say "fact" not fat noisy sex?!

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

When my mate and I were studants we lived in a shared house (one room bedsit things) there was a strict 'no guests policy'

One of the young male residents had a rather 'exhibitionist' girlfriend, who was very vocal. and was an obnoxious cow show off to boot
Mate and I sat in her room one night and cheered loudy when she'd finished, scoring them out of 10. "Not as good as last Tuesday, only 7 out of 10"

She gave us a whore of a look when she saw us. Boyfriend knew that he could've got evicted so said nothing.

[MooncupGoddess]

Excellent link Methe, my CD was just like that!!

[ljgibbs]

5 times today! bloody hell it's only 11am.
Try playing loud music each time you can hear them, or start clapping and cheering them on.

[ebbandflow]

What about simply banging on the walls when you hear it, I think that is less embarrassing for you than saying it directly. My mum moved in to a house where a neighbour was like this and high on cocaine-she sold the house fairly quickly though.

[cleoismycat]

Wait until you see her leave to go somewhere and just say 'I'm not being funny but the noise from your house in the night woke my children again.'

hopefully she'll be embarrassed and quieten down?

[TheRhubarb]

Oh now look, if she has already said that she can't hear you then she obviously has no idea how loud they are being. She is childless so presumes that your baby does a fair amount of crying but that the walls must be thick as she can't hear him.

If she knew that you could hear her having sex she would probably be mortified.

As she has already mentioned lack of noise from you, this shows that she is open to discussion on this point. So go round there, knock and politely ask if she can go round to yours for 5mins whilst you pop the kettle on.

Then just sit down and have a chat with her. Explain that actually, you can hear quite a lot and it's frightening the children who think she is being murdered (add the humour, it will break the ice). She'll be mortified but you're both sat there sipping tea so any embarrassment will quickly be lost, you'll become friends and she will know that she can talk to you about most things. She might even offer to babysit from time to time - you never know!

If you don't do anything, you'll just be miserable whereas a simple friendly conversation could cure all of this.

[AlwaysbeOpralFruitstome]

Ooooh yes get one of those dreadful kiddie cd's with the awful folky type singing on and play on repeat Wind the fecking Bobbin Up, at full blast, everytime they are at it.

If they say anything just say "terribly sorry, but we need to drown out your noise as DD has been repeating some of the things she's heard from your side, at school. I can hardly look her teacher in the eye anymore!!"

I wouldn't worry about saving her feelings, she knows how noisy she's being, she knows the whole street can hear and she likes it. They are getting off on the thought that everybody is hearing them and thinking "Wow, I wish we were having mind blowing sex like no.23, they just must be so much sexier than us". They need disabusing of this idea, quickly.

[SaggyOldClothCatPuss]

@ Bree!
I'd go with calling the police, or going round and hammering I
On the door! I am not discreet!

Alternatively, you could probably get environmental health involved because it is noise pollution, and it's anti social!

Alternatively, record it and play it back really loud, just After they finish!!!

[jaffacakehips]

Oh no I really feel for you..I've had this! After a week of listening to someone else getting down and dirty I went up one afternoon and said...hello, looks as i'm sure you're aware this building is very old and the floors/ walls are quite thin...well I can hear everything, esp at night or early morning. Like I said eveything {knowing wink} Never hard a peep again!

Personally I'd get your DD to write the letter {not being hugely serious}
Dear X,
please could you stop jumping on your bed at 3am..! As it makes my Mummy feel a little bit sick!
Love DD aged 4 {add small picture of crying baby)