I CANNOT listen to next door having sex any longer.

[ShowOfHands]

I might cry.

I posted about this a while ago. They're newly in love and have loud, explicit and long bouts of sex. They were at it 3am-5am, woke both of the children. DD was falling asleep in her shreddies at 7.30am when they started round 2 and she's gone to school tired and asking inappropriate questions. I've JUST got ds to sleep (20 weeks old) and they're slapping up against the wall screaming and shouting again.

It's not funny. I tried to find it lightly amusing at first but it's horrid. Really unpleasant to listen to and I'm having to walk round with ds in his pram to get him to sleep most mornings- and to give me a break- as they're at it morning, noon and night.

She said to me yesterday over the fence 'I expected to be disturbed by your ds when he was born but we haven't heard a peep out of him yet'. No. Your wailing and screaming blots out birdsong ffs.

Can I say something? It's seriously affecting our sleep. How on earth do I approach it? Or do I just leave it? I don't want to fall out with her, she's a pleasant enough woman. But I could draw her naked from the opining her bloke does. That audio commentary for the blind you can accidentally activate on your freeview box? It's like that.

[Methe]

Sounds hideous.

Could you say "I'm really sorry, this is so embarrassing for us both I'm sure but please could you tone your love making down a bit. My children keep telling their teacher about it at school "

Or "shut the fuck up for fucks sake"

[Sposh]

Please don't use the words 'love making' just reading them makes my toes curl

[ShowOfHands]

Thank you for the sympathy. It's excruciating and actually I've started to find it a bit upsetting.

He's got a bloody good refractory period, I'll give him that. They can go for bloody hours sometimes. I think I might actually ask dh to have a word with him. Is that better? He's not worried about confronting people (is a copper).

I don't know how they can't know but she swears she can hear nothing of ds through the walls. And I can hear everything she does. How on earth does that work? Maybe she's screamed herself deaf?

Lovely woman on the other side, I hear nothing of.

[thestringcheesemassacre]

If you're too shy, can you get your DH to say something?

[Methe]

Hopefully it would have that effect on the wailing neighbour sposh

[SoupDragon]

Yes, call it baby dancing instead.

[guffaw]

[ShowOfHands]

I could rush in couldn't I?

"Are you alright? From the screams I thought he'd murdered you?"

Seriously, my 4yo should NOT have to listen to it.

She is self employed. She has huge boxes of samples delivered here (we take them in for her quite a lot). We don't actually know what they are. DH has a theory that they're testing certain items out and that accounts for the dedication.

[EnjoyResponsibly]

The more you blush and stutter the better she'll take it I reckon. It will demonstrate your discomfort rather than just being a moan. I second saying the kids are asking questions at school. Little White lie for dramatic impression is ok.

[timetiar]

Go and join in, take some massive toys and really make her scream.

[GetOrfMoiiLand]

Haha at your DH being a copper.

Get him to hammer on the door like a baillif when they are at it. He can quote to them 'you are infringing common by law 197 subsection (b) re noise pollution.

[MrsLevinson]

I would put a note through the door too. You could make it light hearted and say it's to save both your embarrassment.
They won't answer the door if you knock while they're actually at it will they??

[GwendolineMaryLacey]

Definitely send DH round as he's used to confrontation. How the hell are they at it all day? Do they not have jobs, shopping to do FFS?

[ShowOfHands]

Antisocial behaviour at least. Though for antisocial behaviour, they're bloody sociable. With each other. I think as they're on private property it's a civil matter. I wonder if I could get a friend to pretend he's from the council mid-session?

[Methe]

She's a dildo tester

Just brazen it out.. I'm amazing at your restraint! Both dh and I would have shouted through the wall by now and taken more direct action if the kids had started talking about it over breakfast [boak]

[HippoPottyMouth]

I think she might be saying she can hear nothing of DS as she is fishing for you to say either 'Oh we don't hear anything from you' or 'Oh we hear every detail of your passionate love making'

Does she mention it casually every time you see her by any chance?

Maybe her BF likes her being noisy but she's desperate for an excuse to be a bit quieter and, well, normal.

[ShowOfHands]

They wouldn't hear the door. They don't hear the postman knocking.

[70isaLimitNotaTarget]

Get out an electric drill and some thick wood, and position the wood on the ajoining wall. Then drill, but it won't damage your wall. The sound of drilling is the worst, especially prolonged. (Voice of experience living next to a house been re-furbished)

Get it sorted before the summer when they'll have all their windows open...

[ShowOfHands]

Actually she does mention not hearing ds very frequently. She may well be fishing.

[ShowOfHands]

She's good at fishing btw. Her dp has an enormous rod.

[ShowOfHands]

We are refurbishing our house actually. We're very careful to do it at times when they're out or if we're going to be drilling or banging, we let them know in advance. Maybe I should start taking out the old bathroom suite at 3am tomorrow?

[BreevandercampLGJ]

Best solution I ever read was on here:

The bins come on Monday

Recycling comes on a Tuesday

You come far too often and far too loudly.

[DoesNotGiveAFig]

Can the DCs stop out for a night when you know they're home and you go at it? As loudly as you can?

[discobeaver]

ShowOfHands Fri 27-Jan-12 10:36:17
She's good at fishing btw. Her dp has an enormous rod.

Snort!

You have to say something, or write a note, or get the local radio station to come over and run a sweepstakes on duration of shag - you can't ignore it if it's making your life miserable.