Strange / silly rules at work

[melpomene]

What strange or silly rules do you have in your workplace?

Here are some examples from the office where I work:

• My colleagues asked if we could have a small bookcase, because we have heaps of reference books on the desks and a bookcase would make it much easier to store and find them. We were told that it is against the policy to have bookcases or shelves, and that "if we got a book case then people would put things on it".
  

• They provide pencils but not pencil sharpeners, so when your pencil gets blunt you have to throw it away and get a new one.
  

• In the canteen, they sometimes serve vegetable curry. They also serve rice.
  

However, you are not allowed to have vegetable curry with rice. You are allowed to have vegetable curry with a baked potato, or chicken curry with rice, but not vegetable curry with rice .

Has anyone else got any silly rules?

[ZebrasAreSpotty]

I was a department mgr in a Sainsbury store; my main job was on the 'back door', ie checking in all the delivery lorries and unloading hundreds of cages and pallets every day with £000 of goods on them. I had the keys to the store most days so I could open up for the early deliveries, I supervised the early bakery shift staff coming in to bake bread, I had my own team of warehousemen to train and manage. But I wasn't allowed to use the bins! We had these huge bins/skips in the yard for all the waste and staff would put their sacks of rubbish out but I had to search them all (clear plastic bags) to make sure they weren't throwing away usable stock. Then I was allowed to put it in the bin. But only after my TWAT of a branch manager (yes it's you David Beese) had come out on his once-a-day visit to unlock the bin. By which time it was 3pm and all my staff had gone home so I had to heave the stinking slimy sacks in on my own. The only possible justification for being so awful was that he was short and therefore felt he had to prove his worth in other ways.

Bitter? Moi?

[KatyMac]

NetworkGuy - I have suggested it might fit in MN Classics

[TheDevilAndTheDeepBlueSea]

Brilliant thread

In my office, we're not allowed to eat 'hot food' at our desks. Apart from breakfast

When we got the xmas tree out this time, the boss said that only the people that had contributed to buying it 5 years ago could put any decorations on it I've been there 7 years and know for a fact that the tree was from company funds.

We're not allowed a kettle either. We have a built in urn thingy in the kitchen, but the toaster was confiscated due to the danger involved.

I could go on all day really. But I do love it there for many of these mental reasons

[piprabbit]

My office has detailed, laminated instructions taped up beside each shredder, advising on the safe use of said shredder by men wearing ties.

[Mibby]

We have to have a vote to change the temperature on the air con. It must be a majority decision or it cant be changed, and opening windows, even if youre the only one in the office and have turned off the air con first, is a hanging offence.

We can eat non-smelly food in the office, but not anything aromatic in case it offends anyone in the next door meeting room. They, on the other hand, can have chips or chinese buffet and stink the whole corridor out.

[KenDoddsDadsDog]

Our buildings manager has to come in with a temperature thing that looks like a microphone before we are allowed to change the temperature. We joke that in the winter she warms in under her armpit before she gets to us. We're always frozen or sweating!

[theDudesmummy]

I work for an NHS Trust. We are not allowed to have an electric heater (or any electrical equipment not supplied by the Trust)in our offices. Part of the time the general building heating doesn't work (and it only gets turned on at the beginning of November) so we freeze.

When I want back to work after maternity leave it was September. I was still exclusively breast feeding and had to pump in my office several times a day, and just could NOT do this in a freezing cold room! I defied the rules and brought in a lttle blower heater. I still, a year and a half later (and not breast feeding anymore) have the heater, and occasionally come in to find someone has "borrowed it" to warm up their office!

[PuppyMonkey]

Another "no kettles" one here. We had a canteen until recently and had to buy all our tea/coffee from there. However, then the canteen was closed to save money. Still they wouldn't let us have kettles in our various departments. But they started allowing us upstairs to the swanky management suite where there was a fully equipped kitchen and one of those instant boiling water machines.

For a time us common or garden workers were allowed to avail ourselves of these facilities. But then, a new staff area was created with it's own hot water machine. We were told to use that in future, but a few of us complained the new area had no sink. So we were told we could carry on using the swanky management suite kitchen for cup washing only. Under no circumstances were we to use the hot water machine right next to the sinks. We HAD to go out of the room, down the corridor and into the new staff area.

[Sariska]

The firm I work for sends all new trainee solicitors and trainee secretaries to a talk by an image consultant. The two groups go to different sessions. Both groups get the usual blah about professional dress and understated make-up and jewellery but only the trainee lawyers are (if female) told to accessorise with a scarf. They are also advised to shop at Austin Reed whereas secretaries are advised to go to Next. Individuality in appearance is not prized. (I am contemplating wearing a red dress on my first day back from mat leave ).

[Porcelain]

I once worked in a bar where I was told I would have to remove my tongue bar, not because it didn't fit the company uniform aesthetic (which I would have been fine with. although it wasn't visible when I spoke) but because it was unhygienic.

The manager didn't seem to get my point that if my tongue was anywhere near the customers' food then it would be unhygienic, pierced or not.

[dinasaw]

I once worked in a call centre where we were sat in individual cubicles. We were not allowed anything on our desks except the telephone, headset, computer monitor, one pen and scrap paper. The scrap paper used to get frowned upon as people would doodle on it. Eventually it was decided we no longer could have scrap paper or a pen as all calls should be recorded straight onto the call screen. We were not allowed to pin anything to the cubicle walls either. You just stared at the blank green wall in silence.

If you started at 9 you had a ten minute break with your team at 11 and then half an hour lunch at one, then another ten minute break at 3.30 and home at 5.30. This was recorded to the minute. If you were one minute late back you had to make the minute up. Ten minutes is not a lot of time to go to the loo, get a coffee and a bite to eat and rush back. You were not allowed to use the loo at any other time, or drink at your desk.

No wonder I went off sick with stress.

[melpomene]

To StealthPolarStuckSpaceBar, yes, the curry rule is enforced. My vegetarian colleague was very disgruntled yesterday when they refused to serve her veg. curry with rice, while our other colleague sitting next to her ate chicken curry with rice.

[DrNortherner]

This thread is so entertaining! Our mad office woman take it upon herself to keep an eye on the contents of the fridge and after a spate of many out of date yoghurt's and Soft Cheese with green mould on it she sent an email round saying "Having a fridge is a privilage and if we didn't learn how to treat it properly she would take it away from us"

[StealthPolarStuckSpaceBar]

Seriously, ask to see where in the contract you signed that is written down!

[risingstar]

i had the joy of working for Co-op Insurance in the 1980s

my boss was an ex copper, mason, rascist sexist you name it.

he had great joy in enforcing the no new pen until you hand in your old one. he took it one step further though. all stationery was produced "in house" and that meant that the pen handed out on day one had CIS written on it. He actually had me up in front of him because i hadnt asked for a new pen which meant that i had lost company property and thought that i should pay for it.

[Acekicker]

Sariska - bet that's the same image consultant I saw (I wasn't law but I was 'big corporate professional services') - she's obsessed with scarves and discrete jewellery!

Wear the red dress - I used to have a scarlet jacket that I wore specifically to wind her up when she was in the building - she was very hot on blues/greys/blacks I recall.

[crystalglasses]

I once worked with a bunch of social workers (for a very short time). At the beginning of every meeting, (of which there were many) each person in the meeting had to 'share their feelings'. So you'd get statements like 'I'm feeling mellow atm' or I'm feeling anxious about my day'. I never knew what to say but secretly wished I could say ' Im feeling this is a load of bollocks'.

Any mn social workers recognise this?

[fizzfiend]

whomovedmychoc: that reminds me of something that happened in our office. Stupid HR sent their stuff to the wrong printer one day (not sure how they did that as it was on a different floor and we were behind a Chinese wall).

It only happened to be print outs of every employee, all their personal details, how much they earned, etc. Oh what fun we had!!!

[Housemum]

This is making me wonder about going back to the workplace. Can't remember any daft rules, other than the usual - we had the no trousers for ladies rule until about 1994, and smokers were allowed a fag break but you couldn't go out to join them if you didn't smoke. So they had about half an hour's extra break each day as no one restricted the number of breaks (grrr)

DH has always taken the kids into his office on Christmas Eve to give me a chance for a final tidy, and they get to hand out sweets and see Daddy's work - the company is fine with it so long as he signs an H&S form to say he's responsible for their behaviour and avoiding accidents. Their office moved from one serviced office to another 50 yards down the road, owned by same management company. He turned up this Xmas Eve to be told by the caretaker/security guard (bloke on front desk) that children were not allowed in this building. It's an office FFS, what if one of his customers turned up to sign documents and happened to have kids in tow? 2 hour round trip of wasted time, he was not in a good mood and nor were they (or me) when he got back...

[fizzfiend]

Wonderingstar: that's Shell isn't it...my BIL works there and said that if you take your hand off the hand rail, other people can intervene and make you put your hand back on....!

[kittybuttoon]

I once worked for an office with a dress code. There was a heading for 'Underwear', and the instruction was 'Underwear must be worn'

Obviously someone had been coming in without their drawers on!

[StayingDavidTennantsGirl]

I once got pulled up for knitting in the hospital staff canteed during my lunch hour by the Operating Theatres manager. She said it was unprofessional and it didn't matter that no patients ever came in the staff canteen, I was not allowed to knit.

I was so gobsmacked I didn't think to ask her why she could tell me what I could do during my lunch hour for which I wasn't paid.

[CointreauVersial]

My current company is very relaxed, but I used to work for a well-known multi-national organisation who were completely anal about confidentiality. At the end of the day you had to lock away every last scrap of paper, any memos, diaries etc. Even if your job was mundane and not remotely involved with development/future plans.

At night, a security guard would patrol the building, and if you had left anything on show you would come in the next day to find a security breach notice on your desk. You then had to return a form to HR with an explanation of how it happened and why you wouldn't do it again.

The office was bristling with security, and passes were needed to go anywhere in the building; I can only imagine they thought competitors were hiding in cupboards waiting to tiptoe round the office after hours with spy-cameras. It wasn't as if the company developed rockets or defence equipment - it was shampoo and skincare!!

It had one lasting effect on me - years later I can't go home for the day without tidying all my paperwork away (although I draw the line at a locked cupboard).

[sayjay]

I want to know the rationale behind signing for an egg.

During my training it was easier to get class A drugs than annual leave approval! Seriously. To get annual leave required multiple forms, signatures and slips of paper. Morphine? No bother, how much dearie?

Where I work now (NHS building) there is a largely empty patients only car park. Staff that have to take heavy equipment on home visits have to park 10 mins walk away in the staff car park, come into work to prep the equipment, walk 10 mins back to get car and drive to delivery entrance, have colleague waiting at back door with equipment, load into car and set off. Do reverse at lunch time. Then repeat in afternoon. Then walk back to car at home time.

Make provision for staff loading / waiting area??? Flat refusal!

[NorkyButNice]

When I transferred to the New York office of my company I had to sign a new contract which was identical apart from the clause which stated

"You may not bring your fire-arm to the office"

Reassuring.