Ensure you are marrying someone 5 times friendlier than you are, then when he invites all his amiable friends and family, who have to travel a long way to get there, make sure you give them evil looks and refuse to make conversation with them - what do they want? Try to keep your acknowledgement down to a fierce glare at any woman who dares to stand near, hug or congratulate the groom, even if she is over 50/under 18 or has known him since birth.
Make sure that at least one member of your/DH's immediate family is roaring drunk/slightly mad, as their occasional cries of "dreadful" or "vile" throughout the wedding/speeches will really make help the day go smoothly.
While you are having the requisite 1000 photos taken of you and DH in simpering poses near a weeping willow, it is essential that your guests are kept well stocked with cheap wine BUT on no account allow them any food at all, not a morsel. This will ensure that nausea and drunkenness come into play at the earliest possible opportunity.
In fact, the longer you starve your guests for, the less likely they are to reject the odious morsels delicious repast that should be served stone cold. Try to avoid serving anything that would normally be fed to humans - consider a plate of bitter undressed leaves peppered with flaked unidentifiably fish bits, or - for the vegetarians - fragments of "blue cheese" that are manifestly just mould.
Don't forget that being visible and audible to your guests during the interminable speeches removes the mystery. Far better to hold the entire thing in an L-shaped room where at least half of your guests will be able to make their own entertainment by guessing what the lucky few who can see and hear you are laughing at.
Congratulations :)